Absolution
by Brainiac5
Summary: With Kabuto's reluctant return to Konoha, old feelings come to a peak. Will the fragile psyche of a purposeless shinobi cope with the animosity of an entire village? Can he gain acceptance from those he once betrayed, and learn to trust them in return?
1. Prologue

Greetings and salutations. I am Brainiac5, and this is my first _Naruto_ fanfic, although this is by no means my first fanfic. I was greatly aided in the conception and transcription of this story by MidnightAnimeAngel, and wish to express my gratitude to her for her kindness to engage in thought-provoking conversations that frequently result in me dashing off to write. Just in case anyone was wondering, it's quite unfortunate, but I don't actually own Naruto, nor do I have the artistic skills of Masashi Kishimoto. Frequently I lament this fact, but it is true nonetheless.

* * *

"_Forgiveness is the answer to the child's dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again, what is soiled is made clean again." _~Dag Hammarskjold

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**Prologue: **

"So, the ANBU have finally come through," Tsunade said, cradling her chin in one hand, her fingers tapping impatiently on her desk. She turned a disdainful eye on the battered, pitiful form that lay on the floor before her, restrained and broken, but not defeated.

Slowly she rose to her feet and stalked across the floor, folding her arms and glancing down at the incapacitated figure of the missing-nin Yakushi Kabuto. She glanced sidelong at the five ANBU who stood watching the prisoner with apprehensive stares.

"How many of our people did we lose?" She demanded, glancing at the masked figures and placing her hands on her hips firmly.

A sadistic grin creeped across the snake-like visage of the trussed figure on the floor.

The head ANBU shook his head regrettably, glancing at the Hokage. "Too many," he replied, sending a chilling glare in the direction of the restrained shinobi. "We leave him in your care now, Hokage-sama."

Tsunade nodded once, decisively. "Very well." Glancing at Shizune, she turned and stalked across the room, opening the door. "Help me get him down to the hospital," she instructed whirling back around and fixing a glare on the defected Konoha ninja. "We're starting immediately." 

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**A/N:** Just so everyone knows, I usually talk down here, at the end of the chapter. Right now I have nothing to say, so I thought I'd tell you that I have nothing to say. Stay tuned!


	2. Awakening

_Time rushes towards us with its hospital tray of infinitely varied narcotics, even while it is preparing us for its inevitably fatal operation._ " -Tennessee Williams

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**Chapter One: Awakening  
**

Bright, white lights and the smell of sanitizers. Dull clatters and murmuring voices flitting to and fro. This was definitely a hospital.

Immediately he noticed a sense of self, and also sanity- a tremendous relief, considering how he'd been feeling lately. The next thing he noticed was the bindings that rendered him immobile- and the chakra inhibitors. Of course, this meant whoever had treated him was not his ally. At least, they didn't believe he was their ally. And yet, they had treated him.

Interesting.

Forcing his eyes open, Yakushi Kabuto struggled to focus. _Why is everything so danged fuzzy?_ he wondered irritably. _Oh. My glasses. _

His corrective lenses, which he almost considered as much a part of him as his pancreas, were not currently within his reach. Then again, nothing was in his reach except a bed sheet, since he was restrained to the point of notable discomfort.

Squirming slightly, Kabuto assessed the tightness of the bands that were effectively restricting his movements. Not too tight… but not loose enough to wriggle out. So they didn't want him to escape, but neither did they feel inclined to cause him any extreme-

His thoughts broke off as he attempted to twist his wrist out of the bands and was rewarded with a sharp pain. Well. Perhaps they weren't quite as benevolent as he'd originally supposed. Sighing, Kabuto twisted his head to the right and squinted, trying to make out anything beyond the three-foot radius to which his myopic vision was most accustomed. Muffled voices were approaching, and dark-colored blurs appeared in his peripheral vision… or lack thereof.

"Ah, so you're awake," a voice belonging to one of the blurs said dryly.

"Obviously," Kabuto muttered. "I can't see."

"You're blind?" another voice exclaimed in concern.

"As a bat, and have been since I was three. Why do you think I wear glasses?" Kabuto retorted.

"Oh. Well, you could have just been using those as a prop to add to your 'evil scientist/nerd' aura," a third voice sniped.

"Hang on a second, who's a nerd?" Kabuto demanded, internally reminding himself not to get too worked up or the bindings might respond negatively.

"How do you feel?" The first voice demanded brusquely, moving nearer to Kabuto's range of vision. He could just make out blonde hair… or something yellow at the top of the blur, in any case.

"I feel as though I have been intercepted and restrained against my will," Kabuto replied. "Would I be correct in this assessment?"

The first voice sighed and placed two smaller blurs at what was most likely the hip region of the main blur- which was most likely the torso, seeing as it was beneath the blonde blur that Kabuto had identified as hair.

Man, he really wished he had his glasses.

The second blur moved over to the left, reaching for something. "Um, should I…"

The first blur's blondeness moved. Kabuto assumed the first blur was glancing in the direction of the second blur. "Go ahead," the first blur said.

The restraining straps loosened, then released. Kabuto decided it might be wise to remain lying flat, since he couldn't see anything. If he had his glasses, perhaps he would make an effort to move. As it was, he saw no point in making any effort at seeing the blurs from a vertical perspective as opposed to a horizontal perspective.

The first blur's hand came into view as it grasped the glasses that were resting on a counter within Kabuto's three-foot vision radius. It extended the spectacles in his direction. "Here," the first blur said.

Kabuto took the glasses gratefully and slipped them on, glancing back over to see who the three blurs were. Mercifully, he managed to contain most of the shock he felt, though his breath caught in his throat for a moment. "The Hokage?" he said slowly, making no threatening movements. It wouldn't do to test the skills of one of Konoha's Sannin, who, according to his former master, was quite skilled. "Why is the Hokage here to see me?"

"Because she operated on you," the third blur, which Kabuto had now identified as Mitarashi Anko, informed him, smirking.

"For what?" Kabuto queried, feeling confused.

"Perhaps you don't recall being apprehended by Konoha ANBU forces," Tsunade said, "And you most likely will not recall any of the surgery you underwent, or the long weeks of recovery after that, but I'm sure you remember fusing your body with the DNA of…your former master, am I right?"

Kabuto nodded slowly. "However, I believe I am still slightly…" the realization sank in slowly. His mind, whole. The long weeks of recovery. There was only one reason why he would be in the hospital for such an extended period of time. They had killed Orochimaru-sama for the last time; in removing the sannin's cells from Kabuto's body, they had finally and completely finished the job- Orochimaru was no more.

When the full implications of what had occurred after having been captured finally registered to Kabuto, his temper flared immediately. "How _dare_ you!" he shouted, sitting straight up, leaping to his feet. "You had no right, no-" Kabuto's knees buckled and he hit the floor, hard.

Tsunade blinked. "You really shouldn't move. You just underwent a very physically demanding surgery, and it will be awhile before you reach complete recovery."

From the floor, Kabuto groaned; half from anguish, half out of frustration.

Tsunade shook her head. Physically, the boy would achieve full recovery in less than a year. But mentally, Tsunade was sure that Yakushi Kabuto bore scars that would haunt him for the rest of his life.

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**A/N:** ... yay!


	3. New Accomodations

"_Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence._" ~Ambrose Bierce

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**Chapter Two: New Accommodations  
**

"I know this mission is rather unconventional, but, as you are a rather unconventional jounin, it shouldn't be too much trouble."

Hatake Kakashi stood at half-attention, his shoulders slouched slightly, his right eye sliding back and forth between the Hokage, and the figure in a wheelchair just behind the Hokage's desk, shrouded in shadow. Although Kakashi couldn't make out the distinguishing characteristics of the figure, if he was sitting in the Hokage's office without a guard, he was not much of a threat.

Kakashi nodded, his hand inching for his book. It was just getting good…

Tsunade scowled. "Kakashi, this is the patient you will be guarding during his rehabilitation period." she jerked her head in the direction of the young man in the wheelchair.

Well duh, Kakashi thought. If not, then why is he here?

The patient, meanwhile, sat silently, his eyes hiding behind the round frames of thick glasses.

Kakashi stepped forward to greet the patient and stopped cold. "Yakushi Kabuto," he said slowly, feeling his heart rate elevate slightly.

Kabuto inclined his head slightly in Kakashi's direction, not deeming it necessary to respond verbally to that particular greeting.

Tsunade cleared her throat. "Well, now that you two have gotten acquainted, get going."

Kakashi turned to leave. Kabuto cleared his throat slightly.

Tsunade sighed. "Kakashi, he's been rendered nearly immobile by a very debilitating surgery. Push his wheelchair, if you don't mind."

Kakashi winced slightly at the sarcasm, then moved back across the room to scoot the wheelchair forward with one hand, reaching for his book with the other…

Tsunade sighed, resting her forehead on her desk for a moment before calling, "Shizune, get me my sake!"

* * *

Kabuto was seething. There was something very degrading about being restricted to a wheelchair and practically being bottle-fed by a Konoha jounin. It didn't help that Kakashi seemed disinclined to take a direct route to his apartment; Kabuto felt as though he was getting a tour of the entire village of Konoha… as if he hadn't already spent a good deal of his life in the village.

"How do you feel about getting some ramen? Oh, no, that's probably not good for a recovering patient. Which do you like better, apples or oranges? I think apples are better for you, but if you can't eat solid food we could always get applesauce…" Kakashi was muttering, really reading his book and barely paying attention to where he was wheeling Kabuto. He wasn't giving Kabuto time to answer any of his questions, either.

People were staring. Kabuto was sure that more than several people recognized him; the harsh stares and murmurs that followed the roving wheelchair were beginning to grate on his nerves. Finally, he'd had enough.

"Kakashi, can we go somewhere with a bed? I'm tired." Kabuto said, wishing he didn't have chakra inhibitors. He would be back to normal in a flash. Instead, he was relying on a distracted jounin who seemed enamored with the concept of wandering about town with a wheelchair.

"Why? Don't you like sunlight?"

Kabuto sighed, and faked a yawn. He allowed his head to loll to the side and closed his eyes. This day was going downhill. The bumping, jolting motion of the wheelchair seemed to counter any attempt he might make to fall asleep, however, Kabuto found himself waking up in bed, with Kakashi standing over him, arms folded.

"Good…" Kabuto paused, realizing he had no idea what time it was. "…morning? Evening? Afternoon?"

"Good night," Kakashi replied. "You've commandeered my bed. I'll be sleeping right here," he pointed down at the floor beneath the foot of the bed. "So don't try anything funny."

Kabuto blinked. "You're going to sleep with me right here?"

"Don't bother looking for weapons," Kakashi replied, "And your chakra is inhibited. Besides that, you're still recovering. I'm not particularly concerned."

Kabuto shrugged, attempting to roll over. However, he couldn't seem to make his muscles do what he wanted them to, so he had to settle for turning his head away from the Jounin.

Kakashi, meanwhile, settled down on the floor.

Kabuto stared at the ceiling for awhile until his stomach growled. He knew he wouldn't be able to get up, and he certainly wasn't going to ask_ Kakashi_ to get him something to eat. So he tried to ignore his growing hunger as the minutes passed by with a slowness that seemed uncharacteristic of time.

Before long, Kabuto was biting his lip to keep from waking Kakashi. Normally he could go for days without any food. One little surgery should not have taken this much out of him! Well, technically, it _could_ have, but it _shouldn't_ have created such weakness. It was beyond frustrating, bordering on infuriating.

Kakashi, meanwhile, slept peacefully.

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**A/N:** Apologies for the short chapters. They should get longer soon. But not until after the next chapter... ^_^ Oh well. Hopefully you'll survive.


	4. Reliant

"_All men are created equal, it is only men themselves who place themselves above equality._" ~David Allan Coe

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**Chapter Three: Reliant**

By the time morning arrived, Kabuto was ravenous, nearly willing to eat the blankets in order to fill his stomach. Kakashi awoke with agonizing slowness, first sighing every few minutes, then rolling back and forth several times, mumbling unintelligible gibberish.

Kabuto thought he could make out the word takoyaki in the murmurings, but it only made him hungrier, so he stopped listening to what Kakashi was rambling about as he was nearing the end of the sleep cycle.

Finally, the jounin sat up and yawned. "Sleep well?" he asked Kabuto.

"Quite well, thank you," Kabuto replied sharply.

Kakashi blinked in confusion. "Feel like breakfast?"

Kabuto feigned indifference, but his stomach chose that moment to make a considerable grumble of consternation.

Kakashi raised his eyebrow. "Well, how does…" he thought for a moment. "Would rice be all right?"

Kabuto nodded. Anything would be "all right".

Kakashi nodded and wandered from the room. Kabuto wished he could force the jounin to bring the food faster, but unfortunately, that was an impossibility. Instead, he lay flat on his back for ten of the longest minutes of his life, waiting for Kakashi to return with breakfast.

When the jounin did return, he came bearing not rice, but a small flask. "Shizune brought over some medicine for you," Kakashi said. "You need to take it on an empty stomach. And you can't eat for another two hours after you take it."

Kabuto closed his eyes. "Fine." he said, willing his stomach not to digest itself. After taking the medicine, Kabuto found himself feeling drowsy, and quickly drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Kabuto awoke to the aroma of yakitori wafting through the doorway of Kakashi's bedroom. _Food_, he thought frantically. _I need food. Now!_

Kakashi poked his head in the doorway. "Oh, you're awake. Hungry?"

"Ravenous," Kabuto replied, before he could stop himself.

Kakashi nodded, and returned a moment later with a large bowl of rice, a plate of yakitori, and a bowl of sliced peaches, setting it on the nightstand beside the bed. "Can you sit up?" he asked Kabuto. Kabuto attempted to sit up three times before Kakashi walked over and helped him sit up. "You could ask for help," he said chidingly.

Kabuto scowled. _I will not become reliant on anyone,_ he thought bitterly, reaching for the food, only to find he couldn't reach it. He stretched his arm out farther, and managed to snag the corner of the tray with his index finger. But it just scooted back when he tried to get a better grip, and he leaned farther out, only to topple over, and out of the bed.

Kakashi sighed. "You know, there's this new fad I've heard about recently. It's called asking for help instead of just helping yourself. You should try it, it's really been catching on."

From the floor, Kabuto struggled to lift himself up. He was shaking from the exertion, and most likely hunger as well.

Kakashi stood back and waited. While he wished he could help the boy, what Kabuto need right now was to learn to trust the people of Konoha, and accept their assistance. If Kabuto went through life taking everything Kakashi did for him for granted, his situation would never improve.

Kabuto moaned, once more struggling to rise. Again, his torso dropped to the floor as his arms buckled beneath him. Panting heavily, Kabuto tried again, barely rising before dropping back to the floor, too weary to try again.

Still, Kakashi waited.

"Help me," Kabuto snarled, hating himself for saying it.

Kakashi paused momentarily, then shrugged. Perhaps he would teach Kabuto the "magic word" later. He knelt beside the boy and hefted him up, back into the bed and settled him in an upright position before handing him the food.

Kabuto tore into the food with vigor, mumbling something that sounded like "itadakimasu" as he packed his mouth with rice. Kakashi watched with detached amusement as the boy wolfed down his food in a matter of minutes.

Once finished, Kabuto set down his chopsticks decisively and looked at Kakashi. "I'm done," he simply said.

Kakashi nodded and took the tray, walking from the room.

"Gochisou-sama deshita," Kabuto muttered.

Kakashi poked his head back into the room. "You're welcome."

Kabuto scowled.

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**A/N:** ... yay!


	5. Babysitters

_"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." _~Robert Frost

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**Chapter Four: Babysitters**

Over the next two days, Kabuto learned how to say "please" and "thank you" all over again with Kakashi's gentle coaching. Kakashi noted a particular improvement in Kabuto's attitude and mannerisms after he likened the consternated boy to his former student, Uchiha Sasuke.

By the end of the third day, Kakashi was growing tired of his apartment. Unfortunately, Kabuto seemed disinclined to venture into the out-of-doors, as he was still bedridden and refused to utilize the wheelchair Tsunade had provided. To combat the onset of cabin fever, Kakashi decided to take a day off, and collected several of the original rookie nine to fill in for a day.

Ino, Chouji, Shikamaru, Kiba, Shino and Hinata stood before Kakashi, feeling slightly baffled as to why the jounin would be asking them to take over his mission… until he informed them that the mission was babysitting a bedridden former Konoha ninja who was several years their senior.

"So who is it?" Shikamaru asked.

"His name is Yakushi Kabuto," Kakashi informed them. "He's undergone intense surgery and has chakra inhibitors, so he shouldn't be much trouble. Don't do anything for him unless he asks."

Hinata frowned. "Why not?"

"I've been trying to teach him the finer points of interpersonal communications," Kakashi replied. "And so, in order for this to work effectively, he'll need to learn to ask you for things as well as me. Am I understood?"

The six nodded in unison.

"So, if he was a former Konoha ninja, what is he now?" Ino demanded.

"Yakushi Kabuto…" Shikamaru mused. "Wait. Wasn't he in the chuunin exam where Orochimaru…?" He stopped talking when Ino sent a withering glare in his direction.

"He used to work quite closely with Orochimaru," Kakashi said. "But for now, he is nothing more than a patient; albeit a rather unfriendly one."

"He used to work for Orochimaru?" Kiba demanded. "Why don't you just kill him?"

"Because the Hokage obviously believes he is important. Otherwise she wouldn't have worked so hard to…make the surgery successful," Kakashi said, managing to sidestep the reason why Kabuto had undergone surgery in the first place.

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. The Jounin was concealing something that had to do with this patient. However, if it wasn't information necessary to the mission, there was no point in wondering about it. Kakashi wouldn't keep necessary information from them; therefore, the information must not be vital to the success of the mission.

"You will watch him in groups of two, utilizing two-hour shifts. The rest of you will find ways to entertain yourselves. Don't break anything. I don't want to come back and find my apartment trashed."

"Where are you going, anyway?" Ino demanded.

"That's classified," Kakashi said.

"Oh, so you're going for another book," Shikamaru said dismissively.

"Anyway, why don't you six go on inside and get acquainted?" Kakashi said, changing the subject. "I'll be going now. Don't eat everything in the fridge, I might want something when I get back," he said, glancing meaningfully in Chouji's direction. "Have fun, kids."

"Sure…" Kiba drawled, rolling his eyes.

Kakashi wandered off, waving his right hand dismissively.

"Chouji and I will take the first shift. Hinata, you and Shino take the second shift, Ino, you and Kiba will take the third shift," Shikamaru said, instantly taking control of the situation.

"Yes, mother," Kiba snorted.

Shikamaru shrugged and walked past Kiba, headed for the bedroom. Perhaps this Kabuto wouldn't mind playing a game or two of Shougi…

* * *

About thirty-five minutes into Shikamaru and Chouji's shift, Shikamaru found himself growing slightly irritated. The patient had not said a word since they had entered the room. Shikamaru knew that he wasn't supposed to be giving the patient anything, so he set up the shougi board and began playing himself quietly.

Chouji quickly grew bored watching Shikamaru playing himself, especially since Shikamaru kept making strange moves that proved advantageous in the long run. Still, it bothered Chouji that he couldn't make heads or tails out of either side of the board's strategy.

What was bothering Shikamaru, however, was the fact that Yakushi Kabuto was quite possibly an excellent shougi player. Yet the young man refused to speak up, even though Shikamaru had begun to purposefully make a few mistakes in his movements, carefully gauging Kabuto's reactions.

The occasional widening or narrowing of eyes, the slight smirk that would occasionally grace the young man's lips, or the split-second shake of the head all led Shikamaru to believe that Kabuto was well versed in the game and could recognize the strategy that Shikamaru was utilizing.

As such, it was quite frustrating that the young man made no offer to play with Shikamaru. Finally, Shikamaru put the game away, deciding that Kabuto was not willing to play shougi- or at least not willing to ask if Shikamaru would play a game or two with him.

Soon enough, Shino and Hinata replaced Shikamaru and Chouji. After Hinata tried once to ask Kabuto if he wanted anything, the two quickly fell silent, an event that Kabuto appreciated greatly. He didn't want to ask either of them for anything, even if he was starting to feel rather hungry. He hadn't bothered to ask Kakashi for breakfast, and as it was nearing noon, Kabuto stomach was beginning to complain due to his neglect.

When Kabuto's stomach growled, Hinata glanced at Kabuto in concern. "Are you hungry?" she asked.

"No," Kabuto replied sharply.

Hinata flinched slightly and looked away. The rest of the two-hour shift passed in blissful silence.

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A/N: Thanks to the few reviewers who have reviewed! I've really enjoyed writing this with Midnight Anime Angel.

I hope we'll be able to get together soon to work on this some more, simply because bouncing ideas off of you is so much fun! (It doesn't hurt too much, does it?) Anyway, I really appreciate the reviews I've gotten, and I hope the story continues to be interesting!


	6. Discrimination

_"Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding." _~Mohandas Gandhi

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**Chapter Five: Discrimination**

When Yamanaka Ino entered the bedridden traitor's room, she wasn't sure what to expect. She was not expecting to see the kindly-looking young man she vaguely remembered from the chunin exams. However, upon entering, she determined that Yakushi Kabuto was relatively unchanged, although his face was a bit pale, and he seemed less inclined to converse with either her or Kiba.

Kabuto, however, was more concerned with the fact that he was hungry. Since he'd told the last pair that he wasn't hungry, he'd determined to wait until the next group arrived before asking for something to eat- it would be less embarrassing that way.

"So you're the creep who betrayed Konoha?" Kiba demanded upon entering the room.

Kabuto considered that for a moment. "It might be more accurate to say that Konoha betrayed me."

Kiba scowled. "Oh yeah?"

Kabuto ignored the kid. He wasn't concerned by the furious look the boy was giving him; Kabuto was not someone easily intimidated. Kiba huffed, glaring at Kabuto.

Kabuto smirked. "Konoha ninja are all the same. That look is identical to the one Sasuke gave me when… never mind."

"What? What?" Kiba demanded, instantly on the defensive.

"What did you do to Sasuke to make him give you that look?" Ino demanded.

Kabuto chuckled slightly, and then fell silent. Kiba huffed again and folded his arms, looking in the opposite direction of Kabuto. The next few minutes passed in silence, until Kabuto cleared his throat.

"I'm hungry," he said.

Kiba and Ino exchanged glances, and seemed to come to a decision.

"Too bad," Ino said, folding her arms.

"Yeah. Why should we give perfectly good food to a traitor?" Kiba continued.

"A traitor who stole Sasuke!" Ino added.

Kabuto rolled over and focused on the wall. _Brilliant, Kabuto. Antagonize your guards. What could they ever do to you, deprive you of sustenance necessary for survival? Brilliant._

The next twenty minutes passed slowly, with small squabbles between Kiba and Ino erupting every few minutes. About half an hour into the third shift, the door swung open.

"I brought you guys some lunch," Chouji said cheerfully.

Ino and Kiba gratefully accepted their bowls. Kabuto sat up slowly, watching the two eat for a moment.

Chouji glanced at Kabuto and frowned slightly. "Is he hungry?" he asked Ino.

"No," Ino and Kiba said simultaneously.

"Yes," Kabuto said from the bed. "Is that ramen? Can I have some?"

Chouji glanced back and forth between the patient and the guards. "Did he ask you guys for something to eat?"

Ino and Kiba exchanged glances rapidly.

"He's fine," Ino asserted.

"I'm hungry," Kabuto said from the bed.

Kiba turned on Kabuto. "Shut up!"

"I am hungry," Kabuto said, looking at Chouji, recognizing him as a momentary ally.

Kiba moved towards the bed, glaring daggers at Kabuto. "He never told us that."

"I did say I was hungry," Kabuto told Chouji.

"He demanded!" Ino said, grasping at straws. "He never _asked_ for anything."

"Correct. But I never claimed to have asked for food," Kabuto replied.

"Uh, you have to ask," Chouji said uncomfortably.

"I did just now," Kabuto said. "I actually asked two things: first, is that ramen; and second, can I have some?"

"Absolutely," Chouji said, turning to leave.

"No, he can't!" Kiba and Ino said simultaneously.

Chouji appeared confused. "Why not? He asked, didn't he?"

"He doesn't deserve food!" Kiba snapped.

Ino face palmed. "You had to go and say it…"

Chouji looked appalled. "HOW COULD YOU?" he shrieked. "Denying food to someone is the cruelest form of torture one could inflict upon… anyone! I wouldn't wish that sort of thing on my worst enemy!"

Kabuto blinked, confused. _'Cruelest form of torture'_…? He thought, frowning slightly in perplexity.

Ino was shaking her head, glaring at Kiba.

"I'm telling Shikamaru!" Chouji cried, throwing the bedroom door open and stomping down the corridor.

Kiba whirled on Kabuto, fury etched into his features. "_You,_" he snarled, "have made a really, _really_ big mistake!"

Ino nodded in agreement, balling her fists.

Kiba marched over to the side of the bed, where Kabuto reclined, staring at him with smug satisfaction written across his face.

The smacking sound reached Kabuto's ears almost before he realized that Kiba had hit him; the sheer force of the backhand drove him from the bed and to the floor. Kabuto struggled to his knees, only to be met by a kick to the ribs that knocked him on his side. Knowing full well that he would be unable to fight back, Kabuto covered his head and braced himself for whatever blows would follow.

The next blow was an unexpected strike to his lower back, courtesy of Ino, followed by a devastating barrage of blows to his abdomen and lower chest, initiated by Kiba. Kabuto could see the next kick coming; it was aimed directly at the bridge of his nose.

Kabuto squeezed his eyes shut and waited for the strike to land, but it never did. Instead, the door burst open and someone charged in, shouting, "What the HECK is going on in here?"

Kabuto opened his eyes slowly, and realized that Kiba's foot was mere centimeters from his nose… and that the foot was not moving. Turning his eyes upward, Kabuto realized that Kiba was frozen in place, seemingly unable to move. Ino was also frozen. Kabuto tried to lower his arms, and found that he was every bit as frozen as his assailants.

Footsteps made their way into the room, and Kabuto strained his eyes to see who it was, but the frames of his glasses cut off his view.

"See, Shikamaru? They- _now_ what are you guys doing to him?"

"Nothing," Ino spat, although the truth of the matter was debatable, as her heel was poised to smash into Kabuto's temple.

Shikamaru sighed and released the jutsu.

Kiba stepped back. "Sorry, Shikamaru. We were just… fooling around?"

Slowly, Kabuto moved his arms away from his head and rolled over, clutching his stomach with his left hand. He coughed lightly- none of his ribs seemed broken, but there would definitely be some bruising.

"Are you all right?" Nara Shikamaru asked, moving across the room to look down at Kabuto. He wondered if it would be breaking Kakashi's rule to help the guy up, and figured it was probably okay. "Here, let me help you up," he said, slipping an arm around Kabuto's shoulders. The young man stiffened slightly, but then slowly relaxed.

"Thank you," Kabuto grunted.

Shikamaru nodded and helped the young man stand. "You still hungry?"

"Quite," Kabuto replied. "If you would be so kind…"

"Here's your ramen!" Chouji sang, hopping into the room.

"Excellent," Kabuto breathed, sinking down onto the bed with a sigh.

Shikamaru stepped back and folded his arms. "You going to be okay?"

"So long as I get something to eat," Kabuto replied.

Shikamaru nodded curtly, then turned on the two who had attacked Kabuto. "As for you two;" he said, "what on earth were you thinking?"

Kiba glanced at his feet. "He was a traitor to Konoha…"

"A traitor that the Hokage had Kakashi take personal responsibility for," Shikamaru replied. "Kakashi gave us the responsibility to take care of him, not beat him up!"

"Don't place all the blame on them," Kabuto volunteered from the bed, glancing up from his ramen for a second. "I antagonized them." He then returned to his ramen, slurping politely.

Shikamaru glanced at Kabuto, then at Kiba and Ino. "Is that true?"

"Yes, but it's no excuse," Kiba said sheepishly.

"You're right, it isn't," Shikamaru said sternly. "Now you two, go back to the kitchen, Chouji and I will finish up your shift and then start ours."

Ino and Kiba slunk out of the room. Shikamaru glanced at Kabuto. "So, do you play shougi?"

"I was waiting for you to ask," Kabuto replied.

Shikamaru frowned. "No, _you're_ supposed to ask us for stuff."

"But you're the one who wants to play," Kabuto reminded him. "I could care less."

Shikamaru scowled. "I can't do anything with you unless you ask."

Kabuto frowned. "What? Fine then. Do you want to play shougi with me?"

"Yes," Shikamaru said.

"Then will you?" Kabuto asked.

"Will I what?" Shikamaru inquired, frowning slightly.

"Play shougi with me. I asked if you _wanted_ to, now I want to know if you _will_," Kabuto clarified.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes, heading for the door. "Yes, I _will_ play shougi with you. Let me get the board."

Chouji grinned. "Kabuto, since I'm headed for the kitchen…would you like more ramen?"

Kabuto shook his head. "I'm fine, thank you."

"Okay then," Chouji said, just as Shikamaru re-entered with the shougi board. "Just let me know if you want anything else to eat."

Kabuto smiled slightly. "I will."

* * *

A/N: Yay! Shikamaru and Chouji to the rescue! Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed, and I hope you continue to enjoy the story as it progresses. Again, this story would not be what it is without MidnightAnimeAngel!


	7. Apologies

_"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."_ ~ John F. Kennedy

* * *

**Chapter Six: Apologies**

"So, how did it go?" Kakashi asked, reclining against the doorway to the bedroom.

"You're an idiot," Kabuto snapped.

Kakashi appeared rather taken aback. "Excuse me?"

"You. Are. An. Idiot. Can I make myself any more clear?"

"I think I'd rather you didn't," Kakashi said, frowning. "Why am I, as you say, an idiot?"

"Why did you have a bunch of kids babysit me while you ran off doing whatever it is you do when you aren't here?"

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Why not?"

"Most people in this village despise me," Kabuto said slowly, as though this should be obvious. "They were no exception."

Kakashi frowned again. "Oh?"

"I have at least four bruises that I did not possess prior to their visit. And they nearly starved me."

Kakashi frowned. "Did you ask for food?"

"Of course I did," Kabuto snapped. "They beat me."

"I see," Kakashi said understandingly. "They humiliated you."

"Perhaps you misunderstand," Kabuto said. "They did not humiliate me, they maltreated me."

Kakashi stroked his chin thoughtfully. "I'll talk to Shikamaru."

Kabuto blinked. "Why?"

"Because I left him in charge," Kakashi replied. "Why, do you have a different story now?"

Kabuto shook his head. "No, I just find it amusing that you would put someone like him in charge."

"And why is that?"

Kabuto shrugged. "He seemed rather disinterested with the proceedings."

"You seem rather disinterested all the time," Kakashi pointed out.

"What sort of qualification does he have to replace you?" Kabuto demanded.

"Well, he's been a chunin for awhile now," Kakashi said.

"Really? He seemed somewhat immature," Kabuto commented, a bit snidely.

"I guess that thought might occur to one if they were being beat up by said chunin despite an obvious inability to fight back," Kakashi acknowledged.

"Oh, Shikamaru didn't attack me," Kabuto said dismissively.

Kakashi blinked. "Well, then who did?"

"The blonde and her obnoxious friend."

"Ino and Kiba?" Kakashi asked.

Kabuto shrugged.

Kakashi sighed. "Well, then I'll go talk to them."

"And leave me here alone?" Kabuto scoffed.

"You're right…" Kakashi mused. "Well, get in the wheelchair."

"Absolutely not," Kabuto said, folding his arms.

"Don't make this difficult," Kakashi said, "If you're going to complain about your babysitters you're going to have to live with the consequences."

"I am _not_ getting in a wheelchair," Kabuto hissed, not thrilled with the prospect of another roving tour of Konoha. "I'll be fine. I can walk now."

"Yes, all the way to the window and back; I'm so proud." Kakashi rolled his eye. "Now get in the wheelchair and let's go."

Kabuto gripped his bed sheets. "Make me."

Kakashi shrugged and reached over Kabuto, grasping Kabuto's right shoulder with his right hand. Kabuto whirled his head around and sank his teeth into Kakashi's forearm.

Kakashi shook his head. "Seriously? How old are you, two?"

"Old enough to walk and not need a stroller," Kabuto replied. "I swear, if you wheel me out there in that thing, I'll, I'll-"

"You'll what?" Kakashi replied, sounding bemused.

"I'll kill myself," Kabuto retorted. "Try and stop me."

"I'll be sure to do that," Kakashi said. "Now get in the wheelchair. And don't make me tie you up, please."

Kabuto shook his head and clung to the bed. Kakashi sighed and stepped closer. Kabuto bared his teeth. Kakashi paused for a moment, before flipping the mattress over decisively. Kabuto landed flat on the floor, the mattress smothering him. "Ow," he grunted. "That's another bruise to add to my collection."

"You'll survive," Kakashi said, picking the mattress up off of the youth. "Either get in the wheelchair or I'll carry you around Konohagakure, and then you'll _really_ look like an invalid."

Kabuto narrowed his eyes, glancing up at the Konoha Jounin. "You wouldn't."

"Yes, actually, I would," Kakashi replied.

"I'm not getting in the wheelchair," Kabuto said, his eyes daring Kakashi to try anything.

Kakashi shrugged and bent down, hefting Kabuto 'damsel in distress' style. Kabuto looked away. "I'll get in the wheelchair," he muttered.

"Too late," Kakashi said, moving for the door.

"No! No, I'll get in the wheelchair, I promise!"

"I just said it was too late for that," Kakashi stated firmly.

Kabuto looked up at the Jounin, wide-eyed. "You can't be serious."

"I am," Kakashi said.

"No, no, put me down, _now!_ Now, put me down! Down! Put me down! Please!"

Kakashi shrugged and dropped the struggling boy without warning.

For the third time that day, Kabuto hit the floor. At least, that's what Kabuto was expecting. Instead, he landed on the mattress that Kakashi had discarded earlier.

"Now, will you do as you're told?" Kakashi inquired, folding his arms across his chest.

Kabuto sighed. "Yes."

* * *

"Tell me you're not going to chastise them with me right here," Kabuto said to Kakashi, glancing between the Jounin and the partners in crime.

"We put him in a wheelchair?" Kiba gasped. "I didn't think I kicked him that hard!"

Kabuto scowled. "I needed the wheelchair before you decided to attack a _defenseless,_ _bedridden, hungry_ patient _recovering_ from _surgery_. You aren't _that_ strong."

Kakashi blinked. _He's been very outspoken lately. A bit unusual, considering what he used to be like…_

Kiba, meanwhile, was staring at his feet sheepishly. Ino was "casually" looking in a direction that allowed her to not make eye contact with Kabuto or Kakashi.

"Ah, look at that, a strange development, how odd," Kakashi said. "I must leave for a moment, would you two mind staying with Kabuto for me?" With that, the Jounin poofed away… and reappeared about fifteen feet away, whistling casually and staring at the sky.

Kabuto blinked owlishly. "Strange…development… well, that's one way to put it, I suppose."

Kiba and Ino exchanged glances, and then stepped forward quickly. Kabuto stiffened, not sure what to expect.

Kiba frowned. "What? It's not like we're going to attack you again."

Kabuto raised an eyebrow. "Oh? And how am I supposed to be certain of that fact?"

"Well, we aren't," Ino said.

"That's reassuring," Kabuto snorted. "So what _are_ you doing? Why else would Kakashi conveniently slip away? He's obviously giving you another opportunity to finish the job, since you weren't able to kill me earlier."

Kiba growled. "We're not-"

"Why not?" Kabuto shot back. "I'm your enemy, aren't I?"

"Shut up!" Kiba snarled, collaring Kabuto. "Jeez, could you make it harder on a guy to apologize?"

Kabuto blinked, taken aback. "…apologize?" The concept was completely foreign to him. Why would this Konoha ninja apologize?

Meanwhile, Kakashi's "casual" whistling got louder.

Kiba quickly released Kabuto's shirt. "Anyway, I'm sorry," he said gruffly. "Will you forgive me?"

"I'll think about it," Kabuto said, fully intending to think about this apologizing business.

Kiba stepped back and glanced at Ino.

"I'm still mad at you for taking Sasuke away," Ino told Kabuto, scowling.

Kakashi's whistling increased by several decibels.

Kabuto glanced at the Jounin, wondering what in the world Kakashi was doing. Why was he whistling at such an obnoxious volume?

"But I shouldn't have hurt you," Ino said quickly. "I'm sorry."

Kabuto's head snapped back around. "I'm sorry, what?"

"I'm sorry."

"That's what I said," Kabuto frowned.

"I'm sorry," Ino repeated. "For hurting you."

Kabuto blinked. Again? Another apology? Where were the sudden attacks he'd been expecting? Where was their rage for exposing what they'd done? For whatever reason, this apologizing ritual seemed to make Kiba and Ino feel better, though it simply confused Kabuto. However, he felt that apologies were a vast improvement over being beaten senseless.

Kakashi reappeared behind Kabuto. "Well, I managed to solve that matter."

_What matter? You were barely fifteen feet from here!_ Kabuto thought, shaking his head slightly.

"Glad you were able to handle the matter swiftly," Kiba said, rolling his eyes slightly. "See you around, Kabuto. Get well soon."

Kabuto tilted his head slightly. "Wait, what?"

Ino scowled. "Do you have a hearing problem?"

Kakashi suffered from an unexpected coughing fit.

"Um, hope you feel better soon. Bye-bye!" she waved, heading off.

"Thanks, Kakashi," Kiba said. "I better get going too."

Kakashi nodded, smiling slightly. Kiba took off in roughly the same direction as Ino.

Kabuto sighed. "Can I go back to bed now?"

"Nope," Kakashi replied. "We're going to tour Konoha."

"I grew up here," Kabuto groaned, facepalming.

"And I'm sure it's changed since you were here last. For example, look over there, at the finished face of the fifth hokage. And over there, Ichiraku ramen- why don't we get a bowl?" Kakashi wheeled Kabuto's chair into the ramen stand, not giving the boy a chance to protest.

Inside, Kakashi quickly found them a booth, joining Hinata and Chouji. "Hello you two, I brought a friend with me," Kakashi said, gesturing at Kabuto, who was giving the jounin a "What the heck are you saying?" look.

Chouji grinned. "Oh, hi! It's my buddy! Have you been eating well?"

Kabuto blinked several times in rapid succession. "Buddy?" he repeated, unsure of what to make of this development.

Kakashi smirked. "Kabuto, you really need to stop repeating everything people say to you."

"Repeating everything people…?" Kabuto scowled. "Never mind."

Kakashi laughed.

Hinata glanced at Kabuto with a nervous smile. "Um… how are you feeling, Kabuto senpai?"

Kabuto frowned slightly. "Senpai? I'm your enemy. Why would I be your upperclassman?"

"Hinata-chan has no enemies," Kakashi said dismissively.

"But she's a konoha ninja. And a Hyuga. And yet…?"

"She has no enemies," Kakashi insisted.

"Okay, okay, she has no enemies," Kabuto said, then glanced at Hinata. "In answer to your question, I've felt better, but I've also felt worse, and I really don't care right now… so I suppose that today, I feel apathetic."

Chouji extended a bowl of ramen. "I didn't understand a word of that, so just eat. I can understand that."

Kabuto shrugged and accepted the bowl. He was just slurping the first few bites when another person approached the table.

"What, a party and no one invited me?" Shikamaru drawled, wandering over.

Kabuto turned around and glanced up at the chunin. "Oh, it's you. Shougi kid."

"The name's Shikamaru," Shikamaru said, half-lidded eyes glancing at the different members of the group.

"Shikamaru, then," Kabuto acquiesced.

Shikamaru sat, settling down beside Chouji. "How are you feeling?" he asked Kabuto.

"Apathetic," Kabuto responded.

"I was thinking more in terms of the injuries you might have sustained after what happened yesterday," Shikamaru informed him, appearing slightly disgruntled.

"I have at least four bruises, but no broken bones," Kabuto told Shikamaru before returning to his ramen.

"I'm sorry about that," Shikamaru said, accepting a bowl of ramen from Chouji.

"Why?" Kabuto asked. "You didn't do anything."

"But it was my responsibility," Shikamaru replied.

Kabuto shrugged. What was it with these people and apologies? It wasn't as though he'd never been hurt before. In fact, he'd been injured more critically and more frequently during his childhood than at any other time in his life; apparently these Konoha ninja were unused to treating people unethically- prisoners in particular.

"So Kabuto, what was your favorite subject in school?" Chouji asked, trying to make conversation. "Mine was lunch."

"Lunch isn't a subject," Shikamaru reminded Chouji.

"Science," Kabuto answered Chouji, slurping at some more of his ramen.

Chouji blinked. "Really? I would have thought it was reading or something."

"Not everyone who wears glasses enjoys reading," Kabuto told him. "And reading isn't exactly a particular 'subject', either. I do, however, enjoy reading medical journals."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. "Really? How did you find time to do that in the past, what with your busy schedule?"

Kabuto gave Shikamaru a look. "Orochimaru didn't baby-sit me, unlike some people I could mention."

Kakashi shrugged apologetically, but said nothing.

"Well, I better get going," Shikamaru said awkwardly, setting down his bowl of half-finished food.

"What? Shikamaru, finish your ramen!" Chouji exclaimed.

"I'm not hungry," Shikamaru told him, turning to leave.

Kakashi stood, and Kabuto expected him to pull the wheelchair away from the table. Instead he said, "I need to talk to Shikamaru for a moment."

"I told you it wasn't his fault," Kabuto interjected, frowning at Kakashi. He didn't want to see what would happen if the one person who supported him was chastised- it would put him in the position of being the reason why Shikamaru was scolded by his superior. The Chunin would blame Kabuto, and Kabuto would end up the worse for wear because of it.

Kakashi paused momentarily, glancing at the recovering "Genin" in surprise. He hadn't expected Kabuto to stick up for Shikamaru. "I'll be back in a minute," he told Hinata. "Don't let this guy fool you into leaving him alone."

Kabuto rolled his eyes. "As if that would ever happen."

Kakashi knew better than to believe the innocent look on Kabuto's face. "Uh-huh. Sure." He wandered off in the direction Shikamaru had departed, glancing back once to see Chouji shoving a second bowl of ramen under Kabuto's nose.

"Shikamaru," Kakashi called after the retreating figure, "Hold up a moment."

The chunin paused, then turned around, sticking his hands in his pockets. "Yeah?"

"I wanted to talk to you about what happened yesterday," Kakashi explained, approaching the Chunin.

"I'm sorry about that, I should have expected that something like that would happen," Shikamaru said, glancing down momentarily before returning his gaze to the Jounin's face.

"You had no way of knowing that they would do what they did," Kakashi replied.

"But I was responsible for them!" Shikamaru argued. "It's my fault."

Kakashi shook his head. "I expected them to act responsibly. You aren't responsible for their immaturity."

"But… he didn't even fight back!" Shikamaru exploded. "He even _protected_ them after what they did to him!"

Kakashi blinked in surprise. "What?"

"He told me that they were not the only ones to blame. He said that he had antagonized them, implying that he was partially at fault," Shikamaru explained.

Kakashi frowned thoughtfully. "He didn't seem very happy with either of them when I had them apologize earlier today."

"That's 'cause he thought you brought him to us so we could, as he put it, 'finish the job'," a voice from behind Kakashi asserted.

Kakashi turned slowly to face Kiba, scowling in confusion. "What?"

"He thought you ran off to your 'strange development' so Ino and I could kill him," Kiba said.

Shikamaru blinked twice before responding. "Oh, that's just great."

"Well, that explains a few things," Kakashi said thoughtfully.

Shikamaru frowned contemplatively. "He really thinks we hate him, doesn't he?"

"Most of the time," came _another_ voice, this one from their right. Three heads whipped around to spot Kabuto, who was being wheeled over by a blushing Hinata.

"He threatened to leave by himself," Hinata offered, "And I didn't want to him to get hurt any more or let him hurt himself, so…"

Kabuto smirked at Kakashi.

Kakashi sighed. "It's all right, Hinata-chan."

Kabuto glanced around the group. "So what is this, a gossip fest? Am I really this interesting?"

Shikamaru shrugged.

"Apparently," Kakashi remarked dryly.

Kiba just grinned. "Have you decided to forgive me yet?"

Kabuto frowned. "Well…"

Kiba glanced at the ground.

"I suppose," Kabuto said after a moment.

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. "How gracious."

"It's my good deed for the day. Usually I just feed the birds."

Kakashi frowned. "What birds? I don't have any…"

"Oh, just the ones on the windowsill that I can walk to now," Kabuto shot back, smirking.

"You could win a prize for your sarcasm," Kakashi told the "Genin".

"What prize? Pessimist of the year? Or just 'number one smart-aleck'?" Kiba demanded.

"I was thinking more along the lines of 'future ruler of the world,'" Kabuto remarked casually.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Before or after your reincarnation?"

"I'm not Buddhist," Kabuto told Kakashi. "I'm planning on only having one life to work with."

"Oh, so you're not Hindu either, then?"

"I'm an agnostic," Kabuto informed him.

Kakashi shrugged. "My condolences."

Kiba frowned. "Is that some sort of terminal disease?"

Kabuto shrugged. "In a sense."

Shikamaru sighed. "I'm surrounded by idiots."

Kabuto and Kakashi glanced at him in consternation. Hinata looked at her hands and blushed harder.

"_Male_ idiots. No offense, Hinata," Shikamaru added after a moment.

Kabuto scowled. "This is what I get for playing Shougi with you? See if I ever challenge you to a game of Go…"

Shikamaru's eyes brightened. "You play Go, too?"

"Not anymore," Kabuto replied, sounding miffed.

Kakashi sighed. "It's going to be a boring four weeks, in that case."

Kabuto glanced at Kakashi. "What?"

"I was planing on having Shikamaru visit a few times these next few weeks to keep you company, since you two seemed to get along… adequately. I guess I was mistaken…"

"I still play Shougi," Kabuto reminded Kakashi.

"Oh, so you enjoy my company?" Shikamaru jabbed.

"We get along… adequately," Kabuto replied with a smirk.

* * *

A/N: What's this? Do I detect friendliness? How shocking!

And look! A strange development! I should probably check on it before writing my next chapter... . (This kind of thing happens all too often. Except for the fact that the strange development is usually just a chore or two, which isn't strange, but drags me away from my writing nonetheless...)


	8. Relocated

_"Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure. But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for us to accept it. Because we cannot accept the truth of transience, we suffer."_ ~ Shunryu Suzuki

* * *

**Chapter 7: Relocated**

"So, am I in trouble or are _you_ in trouble?" Kabuto asked Kakashi, glancing up at the jounin as he wheeled Kabuto towards the Hokage's office.

"You do realize that we visit the Hokage for reasons other than _trouble_, don't you?"

Kabuto raised an eyebrow. "_We_ do? Maybe _you_ do, I usually_ don't_."

Kakashi rolled his eyes. "Well, you aren't in trouble. So relax. You're stiffer than a two-by-four."

Kabuto relaxed slightly, unclenching his hands from the armrests of the wheelchair. "Maybe you don't realize that for me, this is a visit to the head of an enemy village."

"You grew up here," Kakashi said.

"Technically… no. I grew up with the Akatsuki. Kind of different from growing up in Konoha, as I'm beginning to realize," Kabuto scowled. "No, actually, growing up in Konoha is _vastly_ different."

"How so?" Kakashi inquired.

"Well, for one thing, people actually apologize here," Kabuto said.

"Interesting," Kakashi said, opening the door to the Hokage's office.

"What is?" Tsunade demanded.

"Nothing of import," Kakashi said dismissively. "You rang?"

"Kakashi, I have a new mission for you," Tsunade said, without ceremony. "It's vital."

Kabuto stiffened. _Here we go…_ he thought. "So I guess this means I'm going to prison now?"

Tsunade scowled. "You'd be dead in two days. You still aren't walking, correct?"

"I can walk an eighth of a mile now, thank you very much," Kabuto replied.

"Spectacular. Kakashi, here are the papers you'll need. Take him out of here for a moment- wait-" Tsunade glanced at Kabuto momentarily. "Is there anyone you would prefer to stay with while you continue to recover?"

Kabuto blinked in surprise. "I can choose someone?"

"As long as they have a rank of Chunin or higher," Tsunade said dismissively. "We can't have you escaping."

"Especially since you can walk a whole eighth of a mile now," Kakashi interjected.

The other two shot him irritated looks. Tsunade sighed. "So, any requests?"

"Nara Shikamaru," Kabuto said decidedly. Kakashi appeared relatively unsurprised.

"Good. Now, Kakashi, get him out of here and take off," Tsunade ordered, pointing at the door.

"Yes, your majesty," Kakashi smirked.

"And get me something for this abominable hangover while you're at it!" Tsunade shouted after him.

"Of course," Kakashi gave a little bow, shutting the door.

Kabuto glanced at Kakashi in surprise. "That's how Konoha Jounin act towards the Hokage?"

"No," Kakashi said dismissively, wheeling the boy down the hall. "That's how _I _act towards the Hokage. You should see Gai…"

Kabuto shook his head. "I don't want to know."

"I need to go now, so stay out of trouble," Kakashi said, then poofed away.

"Wai-" Kabuto sighed. The Konoha jounin was already gone. _Great. Now I have to leave here without being taken out by ANBU,_ Kabuto thought irritably. _Speak of the devil…_ Even as he thought about the special ops division, he could sense the chakra of three in the general vicinity. He glanced around anxiously, but no one seemed to be in sight. _Just my luck,_ he thought irritably.

Sighing again, Kabuto forced his body to relax in the wheelchair. Not too far down the hall and through a door, he could hear the Hokage bellowing about one thing or another. He wasn't sure how long it would be before she left the office, and he hoped that someone friendly would stumble upon him before then.

* * *

Nearly an hour passed before Kabuto heard footsteps approaching. He opened his eyes and focused on the doorway from the adjoining hallway. Several seconds later, Iruka and Hinata rounded the corner. Both stopped dead upon sighting Kabuto.

Iruka frowned slightly. "Is it… Kabuto?" he inquired, appearing slightly pleased.

"Hello, Kabuto-senpai," Hinata said.

"Iruka-senpai, Hinata," Kabuto replied, nodding slightly in their direction. "Would one of you mind taking me out of here? Kakashi just left me sitting here… with at least three ANBU just _waiting_ for me to make a remotely threatening move. I think they'd trust you to move me, though."

Iruka scowled. "That absent-minded… here, Kabuto, I'll take you outside, you go on ahead, Hinata-chan."

Hinata nodded and moved on down the hall with a wave to Kabuto. Kabuto glanced up at Iruka as the Chunin made his way over to propel the wheelchair. "Wow. This takes me back," Kabuto said, glancing up at Iruka. "I feel like I'm ten all over again."

Iruka nodded absently. "You did graduate at a rather young age, didn't you? Too bad you really didn't seem to go anywhere after that." he frowned. "But you _did_ improve, just not…"

"Well, I'm not too broken up about it," Kabuto interrupted briskly, "You shouldn't be either."

Iruka nodded absently and wheeled Kabuto outside. "Where to?"

"Nara Shikamaru's," Kabuto said.

Iruka glanced at Kabuto in surprise. "Why?"

"I'll be staying with him until I recover enough for the Hokage to have me interrogated without killing me," Kabuto replied. "What with most of my chakra being suppressed, my body is taking its' jolly good time in healing."

Iruka nodded in understanding, wheeling Kabuto in the direction of the Konoha chunin's house.

"It doesn't look like anyone's home," Iruka told Kabuto as he came around the corner of the building. "I do, however, know where he keeps the spare key."

Kabuto raised an eyebrow. "Is the location of everyone's spare key common knowledge in Konoha?"

Iruka grinned. "No, just schoolteachers who have issues with truancy in a ninja village… sometimes, for a student, the safest place to hide is behind a locked door," he said as he lifted up the doormat and peeked under it furtively.

Kabuto shrugged. "I see-"

"Hey, Iruka-sensei!" A little kid from the street called. "Shikamaru moved his key! It's in the mailbox now!"

Iruka coughed in slight embarrassment, waved at the kid and called "Thank you!" before opening the mailbox and retrieving the key.

Kabuto smirked. "Well, it seems schoolteacher certification requirements have changed significantly since I was a child…"

Iruka sighed. "What happened to the sweet little kid I used to know? He's been replaced by a sarcastic little…"

Kabuto waited.

"…little…" Iruka struggled to find a noun, but his kindheartedness wouldn't let him finish the sentence. "…never mind. I'm sure you're still a good kid."

"If you say so," Kabuto scoffed.

Iruka glanced at Kabuto in slight consternation, then opened Shikamaru's front door. "Now…" he glanced at the steps, at Kabuto's wheelchair, then back at the steps. "How about if I-"

"How about if you help me walk in?" Kabuto snapped before Iruka could suggest something as degrading as _carrying_ him in. He wasn't _totally_ helpless.

Iruka looked dubious. "We can try," he agreed.

Kabuto scooted to the edge of the wheelchair and planted his feet on the ground, standing. "Just because I'm in a wheelchair doesn't mean I'm incapable of walking." He decided to refrain from mentioning his eighth-of-a-mile landmark; it didn't seem to be gaining him much credibility anyway.

Iruka grinned, offering Kabuto his arm. "I'm glad to hear that."

Kabuto stared at the steps in concentration. Leaning heavily on Iruka for balance, he managed to get up the steps unharmed, though his pride was smarting somewhat. Iruka walked him into what seemed to be Shikamaru's living room, giving him a moment to settle on the couch, then retrieved the wheelchair.

"Do you want to sit in this or stay on the couch?" Iruka asked.

"Couch," Kabuto replied.

"Do you want something to eat?"

Kabuto frowned slightly. "What is it with people in Konoha and wanting to stuff food down my throat?"

Iruka grinned. "You must have been hanging out with Chouji."

Kabuto blinked. "Why, does that mean something?"

"Oh, Chouji always liked eating, and making other people eat. Sometimes I think he should have been a chef… It's just how he shows his friendship." Iruka shrugged. "Sounds like you're already off to a good start here."

"I was a missing-nin and I worked in tandem with Orochimaru-sama," Kabuto replied. "How good of a start could I be off to after so few days?"

Iruka just smiled. "I'll see you around, Kabuto. And you should try smiling sometime. You had such a cute grin when you were a kid…"

"That sounds almost pedophilic," Kabuto informed Iruka.

"Get your mind out of the gutter," Iruka responded. "You were a cute kid. Deal with it."

"Man, if you'd said that when you TA'd my class, they never would have promoted you," Kabuto told him.

"Hence the reason I only mention it now," Iruka replied.

Kabuto smirked. "Good point."

Iruka glanced at the door. "I should get going now. Stay out of trouble, you hear?"

Kabuto nodded. "Yes, _Iruka_."

"Watch yourself, _kohai_."

"According to Konoha, I'm at a jounin level. That makes you my kohai," Kabuto replied.

"You never passed the Chunin exams," Iruka reminded him.

"That was intentional," Kabuto protested.

"Your problem, not mine," Iruka shrugged. "Stay out of trouble, maybe I'll see you around."

"Maybe," Kabuto replied noncommittally, watching Iruka as he left the house, locked the door, and presumably replaced the key in the mailbox. Or maybe he would put it under the door mat to mess with Shikamaru… but no, only Kabuto would try something like that. Or perhaps Kakashi.

Glancing around the room, Kabuto took in his surroundings. Relatively neat.

Relative to the front door, there was a window on the left wall, two doors in the back right corner, and the couch was stationed directly across from the front door. There was a ragged carpet on the floor, and a lamp in the far left corner of the room, perched on a round side table where a bowl of half-eaten rice had been discarded, presumably that morning. At least, Kabuto _hoped_ it had only been discarded that morning…

Almost fifteen minutes of sheer boredom passed before someone knocked on the front door. Kabuto glared at the door. The knocking continued insistently. Finally, Kabuto heaved forward, staggering towards the door, grasping the handle to keep his balance as he drew it open. "Yes?"

"Nara Shikamaru?" A young man gasped, appearing flustered.

"No. I'm… a friend," Kabuto said, feeling it probably would require too much explanation if he'd said something like "I'm the guy he's guarding for the next few weeks until I'm well enough to torture to the point of near-death so I'll tell Konoha everything I know". He didn't think he'd be able to remain standing long enough to finish the dialogue that would most likely ensue following _that_ particular announcement.

"Oh, well, when he gets here, can you give him this package? My sensei told me to get it to him, he got it from some courier and was supposed to deliver it, but he had to stay late at the training arena and I have a date I need to get to and really don't want to stick around until he gets here, but I have to give it to him in person but you're close enough, aren't you? So maybe I should-"

"I'll take it," Kabuto interrupted the kid as he started to sway on his feet. "Give it here."

"Thank you so much, this is a really big-"

Kabuto shut the door, glancing at the package in interest. Leaning against the door for a moment, he gathered his strength, staggered back across the room and fell onto the couch with a sigh. He glanced at the package in his hand. It was sealed. He scowled. In that case, he couldn't open it without Shikamaru knowing that he'd read the contents. He had a small window of opportunity between the time Shikamaru would open the package and read it and the time when Shikamaru would most likely dispose of the contents of the package.

Kabuto shut his eyes slowly. What could be inside the package? Considering that a Jounin had been ordered to deliver the package, it was likely at least marginally important. And like any good spy, Kabuto was curious. What would the shougi kid be receiving that was so important? Most likely files regarding Kabuto himself.

And there was nothing Kabuto disliked more than when people talked about him behind his back…

Sighing, the former missing-nin stood again and moved across the room, glancing at two doors equidistant from the back right corner of the room. He moved for the door on the right and opened it- success! Kabuto carefully wandered across the floor, tossing the package on the kitchen table before returning to the couch in the front room to wait for the return of Nara Shikamaru.

* * *

**A/N:** Shuwa-chan! (My Japanese teacher made me laugh hysterically when she told the class this was Arnold Schwarzenegger's cute nickname in Japan.) And yes, I know that that little piece of information has nothing to do with the story, but I just thought it was funny.

I find Iruka and Kabuto funny together. They're just so different, what with Kabuto being so cynical and Iruka so... Iruka. I had a lot of fun with these two. Maybe they'll bump into each other again later.

It's kind of sad how busy I am this quarter. I've actually had several chapters pre-written, but I've been so busy I haven't even found time to UPLOAD them, which is practically the easiest part of the whole fanfic-writing gig. It's pathetic. And now that I have uploaded this chapter, I need to go finish my take-home chemistry midterm, finish that dumb density lab, finish my MUN homework and position paper, finish my kanji worksheet, study up on Buddha and Shiva's iconography, and... oh yes, sleep. Can't forget that...

**Another A/N:**

Okay, I admit it, I couldn't find a good quote for this chapter. If you can think of a better one, feel free to review and tell me what quote _you_ would have used!


	9. Expensive Taste

_"Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat."_ ~Fran Lebowitz

* * *

**Chapter 8: Expensive Taste**

The door banged shut, and Kabuto awoke with a start. He glanced up to see Shikamaru kicking off his sandals at the door.

"Welcome home," he called from the couch. It was amusing to see the Chunin tense, reaching for his shuriken and whirling around before spotting the intruder and sighing.

"Kabuto? What are you doing here? Where's Kakashi? If he wants me to baby-sit you, he should at least give me a warning…"

"Tsunade didn't tell you?" Kabuto asked, marginally surprised.

"Last I heard, she was sopping drunk," Shikamaru said, "Again."

"I thought she had a hangover," Kabuto said. "That can _not_ be healthy…"

Shikamaru shrugged. "I'm not really in a position to criticize her judgment."

"Or lack thereof," Kabuto added, smirking.

Shikamaru shrugged again. "Whatever. So what is it she didn't tell me?"

"You're my new… guard? Babysitter? Monitor? Whatever. The person who keeps me fed and not dead," Kabuto told him.

All he got in reply was a raised eyebrow.

"No, really," Kabuto insisted.

"So what happened to Kakashi?" Shikamaru asked.

"Just some mission," Kabuto replied. "Apparently I'm not much of a threat, even though I _can_ walk an eighth… never mind."

Shikamaru frowned. "You look bored. And from me, that's saying something, 'cause I always look bored."

"I just finished sleeping my life away because I have nothing better to do. I am unspeakably bored," Kabuto replied. "And hungry. What do you have to eat around here?"

"Um, currently… nothing." Shikamaru said. "So let's kill two birds with one stone and go out to eat- you can have food and you won't be bored."

"Oh gosh, is it always going to be like this, with you catering to my every whim?" Kabuto inquired sarcastically.

"Don't count on it. Anyway, I'm going out to eat. If you don't want to tag along, I can always lock you in a closet somewhere."

Kabuto shrugged. "I might as well come with you then. Anything would be better than sitting on this couch. I think it's broken. I can't feel my… never mind."

"Good, 'cause I really don't want to know," Shikamaru retorted. "Where's your… oh, there it is," he said, grabbing the wheelchair. "We've got to see about getting you out of this thing soon. Wheeling you around is a total drag."

"No argument here," Kabuto responded. "Where were you planning on going to eat?"

"Sushi sound okay?" Shikamaru asked, wheeling the chair over.

Kabuto waved Shikamaru away and ungracefully climbed into the chair himself. "Sushi is fine," he said, grunting as he caught his foot on the chair and nearly knocked it and himself to the floor.

Shikamaru caught the chair and sighed. "Do you have some sort of deep-seated hatred for being helped by people? Or is it a just a love for the floor?"

"More that I don't trust anyone here to help me," Kabuto replied.

"Really? So you don't trust me to steer your wheelchair the right way?"

"I just don't trust you'll steer the wheelchair the _exact_ same way _I_ would steer the wheelchair," Kabuto told him.

"But you do trust I won't steer you off a cliff," Shikamaru pointed out.

"No, it just seems unlikely that you _would_ steer me off a cliff," Kabuto. "I trust _my_ analysis of your character, not you as an individual."

"Sounds troublesome," Shikamaru said, wheeling Kabuto towards the door. "How did you get up the steps? For that matter, how did you get in?"

"Iruka," Kabuto replied.

"How did he find my key? I moved it- for the fifth time, I might add…"

"Some neighbor kid told him where it was."

"Not again… I thought he wasn't watching for sure this time…" Shikamaru groaned, reaching the steps. "Okay, this might be a little rough. Try not to fall out."

"I'll do what I can," Kabuto said, gripping the armrests. The chair bounced down the steps rapidly, and although Kabuto was nearly propelled from the seat several times, by some miracle, he managed to stay in the chair. "Congratulations, I can feel my bruises again," Kabuto grumbled.

"Whatever. At least you didn't fall out and add bruises to the collection," Shikamaru retorted.

Before long, the two were sitting at a revolving sushi bar. Kabuto wrinkled his nose slightly. "I thought you said we were going out for sushi."

"We are. I'm a Chunin, I'm not made of money, you know," Shikamaru reminded him. "Besides, I don't see you offering to pay the bill."

Kabuto shrugged and snagged some salmon nigiri-zushi from the conveyor belt. He broke his connected chopsticks in two and rolled them back and forth a few times to make sure they had no splinters. "Pass the wasabi, please," he said, pouring himself a little soy sauce in a dish.

Shikamaru took some for himself and then handed the container to Kabuto. "You want some tea?"

"And miso soup," Kabuto said.

"You don't ask for much, do you?" Shikamaru inquired wryly.

"Why should I? I have everything I could ever want right here." Kabuto snorted.

Shikamaru frowned. "I was saying-"

"I know what you were saying," Kabuto interrupted. "Don't worry, I'll try and pick mostly inexpensive plates." Even as he said so, he snagged one of the most expensive rolls from the conveyer belt and eyed it appreciatively.

"You know, Kakashi might think you're cool and all, but you're obnoxious," Shikamaru told Kabuto in irritation.

Kabuto choked on his roll. "Excuse me?"

"You're excused," Shikamaru responded, snagging an uramaki-zushi with his chopsticks and plunging it into his soy sauce with a look of irritation.

Kabuto ignored his companion's rudeness and elegantly dipped his futomaki-zushi into his own dish of soy sauce. "Now, what was this you said about Kakashi?"

"Oh, he seems to think you're funny, or smart, or something along those lines," Shikamaru replied. "And how did he put it… oh yes, a 'good kid at heart'."

"I resent being referred to as a 'kid'. I'm nearly twenty years old," Kabuto commented, accepting his bowl of miso soup from the chef. He sipped the soup quietly and sighed. "Ah, that hits the spot. I haven't had decent sushi in…in…awhile," he finished lamely.

Shikamaru helped himself to a few more plates as they passed by. Kabuto finished his soup and eyed the conveyer belt but made no move to take any more.

"You still hungry?" Shikamaru asked Kabuto, who shrugged.

"I'm fine."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes, grabbed a plate with unagi nigiri-zushi and plunked it down in front of Kabuto. "Eat," he ordered. "You can't be full after a bowl of miso and two plates."

Kabuto eyed the sushi and poked it with his chopsticks, then proceeded to eat it without glancing at Shikamaru.

Shikamaru grabbed another two plates for himself. "Geez, compared to eating with Chouji, this is pretty cheap," he commented, glancing at Kabuto. "Get something else."

"You do realize I can't pay you back, right?" Kabuto asked, glancing at Shikamaru.

"Um, duh," Shikamaru said, stuffing a sushi roll into his mouth. "You're a prisoner. I don't think they usually give you guys things like pocket money."

Kabuto glanced at the sushi again, and chose another expensive roll.

Shikamaru frowned. "What, are you allergic to plain tuna or something?"

"Well, I am allergic to tuna," Kabuto said.

"Seriously?" Shikamaru demanded.

"No, not seriously. I just like these rolls better." Kabuto replied.

"Of course you do. It's why they're more expensive," Shikamaru replied. "Although, I like the cheap ones…"

"That's because you have to," Kabuto replied. "You're poor, remember?"

"And yet I'm paying for you, the penniless one," Shikamaru reminded him.

Kabuto snagged another expensive roll.

Shikamaru sighed. "Next time, I'm taking you for ramen."

"That might be a good idea," Kabuto agreed, reaching for another expensive roll…

* * *

A/N: I was going to merge this with another chapter, but the other chapter was so long that it simply wasn't an option (in my mind). I have some sort of aversion to super-long chapters or something. It's a problem. I'd get counseling for it, but I don't have the time or the money, so you'll just have to deal with my short-chapter syndrome until I find some way to cure myself. (I hear reading some of Kurt Vonnegut's stuff will give you an idea of just how short your chapters could become, and it scares you back to making long chapters again, but that's just a theory...)

じゃ、レビュー が好きですから、レビューをお願いします... ^_^


	10. Taking Action

**Chapter 9: Taking Action**

"That was a good meal, even if I ended up paying as much as I do when I eat out with Chouji," Shikamaru said.

Kabuto shrugged apologetically. "I'm sorry. I have expensive taste."

"You can say that again," Shikamaru grumbled.

"Oh! Shikamaru, Kabuto-senpai. What are you two doing together?" Hinata greeted the two of them, crossing the street to join the Chunin and his charge.

"Together? Hinata, do I look gay to you?" Kabuto scowled.

"No," she cocked her head to the side in confusion. "Why, are you?"

Shikamaru face palmed. "Hinata…"

Kabuto snorted. "No. Not in the slightest."

Shikamaru sighed in relief. Hinata frowned. "Well, you did just ask me that question out of the blue…"

"Hinata, you asked what we were doing _together_," Shikamaru clarified.

"Oh, well, it's not like I thought you two were on a date or… something," Hinata replied, turning to Kabuto. "Do you want some pocky, Kabuto-senpai?" she asked, extending one of the tiny, chocolate-covered biscuit sticks in his direction.

Kabuto stared at the pocky as if he thought it might bite him. "Um…"

Shikamaru took several from the box Hinata was holding. "Gee, thanks for the offer," he said sarcastically.

"What is it with Konoha and feeding me?" Kabuto demanded.

Hinata appeared confused. "I'm sorry. Do you not like sweets? If you want, we could get you a pretzel or something…"

"You know what, Hinata? Ignore him. Seriously. He eats just fine, as my now very-light wallet can attest."

Kabuto glanced at Shikamaru in consternation. "I told you I was fine earlier. You made me eat more."

"That's because you were still hungry," Shikamaru replied.

"Um… perhaps I should go," Hinata said, pulling the pocky away from Kabuto.

He reached out and plucked it from her hand before it was completely out of reach. "Thank you," he said, nibbling on it delicately.

Hinata smiled brightly. "You're welcome," she said.

Kabuto finished the pocky and glanced at Shikamaru, who was working on his fifth. "You didn't get enough to eat earlier?"

Hinata extended another pocky. "You can have more too, if you want."

Kabuto took another pocky, to be polite. He didn't particularly care for the snack food, but he didn't want to disappoint an important member of the Hyuga clan. "Thank you," he said again, eyeing the candy.

Shikamaru kicked the wheelchair. "Just eat it," he grumbled. "You had no problem scarfing down all the expensive rolls back there."

Hinata appeared confused. "If you need money, Shikamaru…"

"It's not the money," Shikamaru replied. "Well, it is. But he should pay!"

"But he doesn't have any money," Hinata protested, "So I…"

"No, he's just a picky eater," Shikamaru said. "He can only eat the expensive stuff."

Hinata shrugged. "Oh, well, then next time I can treat him-"

"That's not the point," Shikamaru interrupted her. "He-" Kabuto yawned pointedly. Shikamaru glanced at him in consternation. "What?"

"I think he's tired," Hinata volunteered helpfully.

"Yes, tired of being spoken about in the third person. Weren't we going home?" Kabuto sighed.

"Home?" Hinata appeared confused.

"Oh yeah. Kakashi ditched, so I'm stuck babysitting this guy for the next few weeks. It's a total drag," Shikamaru said. "Especially since he has 'expensive taste' for sushi…"

"I apologize for eating only expensive sushi," Kabuto snapped. "Jeez. It's like I'm jabbing you to death with paper clips or something…"

Shikamaru blinked. "Did you just _apologize_ for something?"

Kabuto glanced at Shikamaru and quirked an eyebrow upward. "Yes. Apologizing seems to be something you Konoha people do frequently. At least, that's what I thought. I figured I'd give it a try."

Shikamaru shrugged. "Anyway, we'd better get going," he told Hinata, gripping Kabuto's wheelchair.

Hinata waved one hand. "See you later," she murmured.

Shikamaru waved goodbye, wheeling Kabuto back across town. Before long, the two were nearing Shikamaru's apartment. Kabuto was preparing himself for more damage to his pride after another trek up the stairs when Shikamaru stopped suddenly, throwing Kabuto forward.

"What was that for?" Kabuto snapped, glancing up at Shikamaru, who was busy face-palming repeatedly.

"I forgot to get something for breakfast tomorrow," Shikamaru moaned. "And we were right by the store…" he glanced at Kabuto. "Can I leave you alone in the house for, like, five minutes?"

Kabuto blinked a few times before responding. "You tell me. You're the one in charge here, not me."

Shikamaru scowled. "I don't think I have any weapons lying around… well, I don't know, maybe I do. And I really shouldn't leave you alone… even though I already did, accidentally… So it's probably not a big deal… but I don't want to go all the way back into town, 'cuz I'm tired…" Shikamaru sighed gustily. "I guess I'll just get up early tomorrow morning."

Kabuto shrugged. "Whatever."

Shikamaru glanced at Kabuto. "How do we get the wheelchair up the steps?"

"I walk up the stairs, then you carry the wheelchair in," Kabuto snarled.

Shikamaru looked dubious. "Can you get up the stairs by yourself?"

Kabuto scowled up at Shikamaru from where he sat. "Yes."

Shikamaru shrugged and leaned on the back of the wheelchair. "Go ahead, then," he said.

Kabuto stared at the steps in concentration. There were only three steps; he was sure he could manage to keep his balance if he moved quickly enough. Inwardly he cursed his inner ear for being bothersome during a recovery period. He wasn't used to being on his feet anymore, and he knew these stairs would be a challenge, especially since there was no railing or anything of the sort on either side.

Shikamaru coughed slightly. "Are you sure you can-?"

Kabuto planted his feet firmly and stood, nearly taking Shikamaru's head off (the Chunin had been leaning over the back of Kabuto's head, bracing himself on the wheelchair). He took several confident steps forward, then quickly planted his right foot on the first step, stepping up to the second step with his left foot. He lifted his right foot to take the third step but misjudged the distance, whacking his toe on the edge of the top step. He stumbled forward, hissing through his teeth and crashing against the front door, bracing himself against the solid object.

"Are you all right?" Shikamaru asked, hefting the wheelchair and following Kabuto up the steps with ease.

Kabuto sighed in frustration. "I'm fine."

Shikamaru shrugged and pulled a key from his pocket, unlocking the front door, pushing it open. "You'll have to take the couch tonight," he said, moving inside. "I wasn't exactly expecting company."

Kabuto limped inside, a scowl fixed on his face.

Shikamaru glanced at Kabuto's face and scowled back. "I'm sorry I don't have anything better for you to sleep on, deal with it."

Kabuto glanced at Shikamaru, a confused look replacing the scowl. "What? Oh, I'm not angry with you, I'm angry with myself," Kabuto informed Shikamaru, appearing slightly embarrassed. "I'm not used to waiting this long to recover from… well, anything," he confessed.

Shikamaru raised his eyebrows. "Really? Why is this so different?"

Kabuto staggered past Shikamaru and flopped onto the couch with a sigh. He held out his wrists, giving the Chunin a bland look. "Chakra inhibitors," he explained. "Usually, my body pretty much fixes itself automatically- I barely even have to think about it. But without my Chakra…" Kabuto made a dismissive gesture. "Anyway, do you have some blankets, a pillow, something I can use tonight, or should I just rough it?"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "I have extra pillows and blankets, I just don't have a bed stashed in my hall closet."

Kabuto quirked the left side of his mouth up in a sardonic half-smile. "Good to know."

Shikamaru glanced around for a moment, then moved into the kitchen, glancing over at the table. "What's this?" he wondered aloud.

"What's what?" Kabuto called from one end of the couch, reclining slightly.

"A package… with an envelope of some sort… it wasn't here when I left this morning." Shikamaru wandered back into the front room, plopping down on the opposite side of the couch from Kabuto, guardedly eyeing the manila envelope. He unsealed it carefully, withdrawing a thick pile of papers. "Hmm," he mused, his eyes flicking from side to side as he read the first page. He lifted the page slightly, checked the back to make sure nothing was written on it, then shuffled it to the back of the pile and moved on to the next page.

Kabuto restrained an urge to attempt to peer at the papers. Instead, he feigned indifference, settling back into the couch and attempting to find a comfortable position.

About halfway through the pile, Shikamaru yawned, and shoved the stack back into the envelope. "Definitely not light bedtime reading," he quipped, folding the top down over the envelope and standing. "How many blankets do you want?"

Kabuto considered the question for a moment. "Two, I suppose."

"How many pillows?" Shikamaru asked, moving across the room to an adjoining door. He opened it and moved into the hallway as Kabuto replied.

"Two?"

"Is that a question?" Shikamaru called from the hall, pulling open the hall closet door with a creak. He snagged two blankets and two pillows.

"I guess not. I'll take two pillows, please," Kabuto answered as Shikamaru returned with the blankets and pillows.

"Sure thing," Shikamaru said, handing the bedding to Kabuto. Stalking around the room attentively, he carefully put away a few stray papers and unplugged the lamp, carrying it out of the room.

"What are you doing?" Kabuto asked upon Shikamaru's re-entry, as the Chunin began once again scouring the room.

"I'm emptying this room of any possible weapons. And I'm padlocking the kitchen. I can't have you getting in after the knives." Shikamaru informed him, heading for the hall closet and returning with an abundance of locks and keys. Kabuto hoped the Chunin would be able to keep track of all the keys; he wasn't fond of starving, or being locked indoors for an indefinite period of time.

Shikamaru picked up the half-eaten bowl of rice, scowled at it, and took it into the kitchen. He came back out, padlocked the kitchen door, then padlocked the front door. He glanced at Kabuto. "I usually do this when I leave on a mission," he said. "It's kind of weird to do it when I'll just be sleeping down the hall…"

Kabuto frowned. "So how do you get out?"

"There's a door in my bedroom," Shikamaru told him, moving across the room and padlocking the window. "I lock that one from the outside, padlock it on the outside, and lock the handle from the inside."

Kabuto nodded absently, fluffing a pillow and scooting down until he reached a marginally comfortable half-sitting position.

Shikamaru glanced around the room one final time, then moved into the hallway, shutting the door. "Good night," he called, his voice muffled by the door.

"Good night," Kabuto called back, scowling as he heard the click of a padlock. He was a sharp kid, that Shikamaru. Kabuto rolled over slightly, glancing at his wheelchair and smirking. Smart, yes. But not smart enough.

* * *

Two hours later, Kabuto was at his wheelchair, carefully taking it apart, aiming for a small, thin, flat piece that would be the perfect device for picking a lock. Finally, the recovering shinobi was able to free the piece he'd been trying to get.

Slowly, silently, Kabuto moved across the room, pausing at the kitchen door and leaning against the wall, sliding to the floor and reaching above his head to pick at the lock- carefully and quietly. After fifteen long minutes, Kabuto freed the kitchen door from the clutches of the padlock.

Kabuto stood, cautiously swinging the door open. There, in the middle of the kitchen table, was the envelope. The light of the full moon was streaming through the window, illuminating the room. Kabuto glanced at the knives for a moment and considered palming one for safety's sake, but decided against it. Shikamaru had probably counted the knives- it was too risky, and Kabuto was in no position to try and overpower the Chunin. Kabuto lowered himself into a chair and carefully unfolded the manila envelope, reaching inside and withdrawing the papers inside. He shuffled the papers around until he got to the top of the pile and began reading.

Background information, immunization records, grades, notable moments during his time at Konoha, what little info they had on his time in the Akatsuki and with Orochimaru. And then, what Kabuto had been searching for. The medical records regarding his treatment and surgery in Konoha. Fairly basic stuff for the most part; general anesthetics, sedatives, local anesthetics, and…

_What's this? _Kabuto wondered, re-reading the name of the drug, thinking he must have misread it in the moonlight. _I know this drug,_ Kabuto thought in slight irritation. _It's a powerful drug used to regulate extreme psychological disorders. I'm not psychotic, and I'm not clinically depressed, so why am I on something like this?_

Kabuto scowled, glancing around for the package that had held the manila envelope. He had a feeling that this envelope was not the only thing it had held… He spotted the package a moment later, poking out of the trash can. Carefully, Kabuto stood and made his way to the trash can, checking the package to see if the medication was in the package. It wasn't. Kabuto glanced around the room, then moved to the nearest cupboard, rifling through the contents until he was satisfied that the medication was not in that cupboard. It took Kabuto fifteen minutes and three cupboards before he finally found the medicine that he'd been prescribed for some reason.

He pulled the medication out of the cupboard, glared at it for a moment, then moved over to the sink and decisively dumped it down the drain, deciding he didn't care if it tainted Konoha's water. Remaining as silent as possible, Kabuto rinsed the bottle out thoroughly, then glanced around to find a suitable replacement. He finally decided on the powdered green tea, putting a bit into the bottle and then adding water, swishing it around until it was about as viscous and turbid as the medication had been. It was even near to the same color (a bit greener), but seeing as Shikamaru wasn't a medical ninja, he probably wouldn't notice the difference- if he'd even bothered looking at the medication at all.

The only problem was the scent of the 'medication'- it smelled like green tea. Kabuto went back to the cupboards, digging through them and selecting a few spices and health supplements. Kabuto carefully sprinkled a tiny bit of ground cardamom, powdered Echinacea root and garlic powder into the tea, then topped off the volatile cocktail of now-repulsive flavor with a sprinkle of powdered goldenseal root. Kabuto sniffed the former tea delicately and grimaced. Shikamaru would never doubt that this was medicine _now_.

Kabuto carefully replaced the 'medication' and then returned the papers to their original positions, shuffled in the exact order that Shikamaru had left them, folded the envelope as it had been when he'd found it and slipped it back onto the table in precisely the place it had been before. Kabuto cast his eyes about the kitchen once more to verify that everything was back in place before slinking out of the room and replacing the padlock.

He then reassembled his wheelchair and sank down on the couch, thoroughly exhausted. Still, he felt victorious and competent for the first time in weeks. Smiling slightly, Kabuto allowed himself to relax and fell into a deep, restful sleep.

It was the last good night of sleep he was to have for months.

* * *

A/N: Mwahahaha! I'm home for winter break and I finally found time to update! Kabuto's finally getting a little action in, and the next few chapters should get interesting...

This thing is turning out really long, but hopefully you will be willing to stick with me (and all my slowness) to the end. Thanks to all you reviewers, and those of you who've favorited and alerted this story. It means a lot to me! ^_^

*ahem* Well, now that I've gotten all sappy on you... stay tuned!


	11. Purpose?

"_Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts."_ ~ Arnold Bennett

* * *

**Chapter 10: Purpose?**

The next morning dawned and sunlight streamed through the side window, piercing Kabuto's eyes. The recovering patient groaned, lifting a hand to block out the light. A moment later, Kabuto heard some clattering in the hallway, and Shikamaru pushed the hall door open, removing a padlock. He glanced around the room for a moment, a permanent scowl etched into his features.

Sighing, Shikamaru shuffled into the room, then turned and unlocked the kitchen door, moving inside, muttering under his breath. Kabuto heard some water running, then some clanking and thunking. Several minutes later, Shikamaru returned to the front room with two cups of tea. He was still scowling slightly, although it appeared more as if he was trying to keep his eyes open. Shikamaru wandered over to the couch, paused, and stared at Kabuto, who was stretched out, taking up the whole couch.

"Move," Shikamaru said after a moment, poking the couch with his toe.

Kabuto grumbled unintelligibly and moved his legs off of the couch.

Shikamaru settled down on the opposite end of the couch from Kabuto, and extended a cup of steaming tea in the recovering patient's direction. "Tea?"

Kabuto blinked uncomprehendingly. Shikamaru continued holding the tea aloft until slowly, Kabuto's hand snaked out and the former missing-nin grabbed the cup. "Thanks," Kabuto grunted, squirming around until he was in a mostly-upright position.

Shikamaru shrugged in reply, sipping his tea lightly. Kabuto did the same, and was relatively unsurprised to catch a hint of cardamom, Echinacea, garlic and goldenseal when he did so. According to the dosages he'd examined the night before, he should be receiving his most recent dose today. That meant that from this day forward, he'd have to suffer through nasty tea every other day. The medication he'd had before was virtually tasteless and scentless- that was why he hadn't realized they were drugging him. And of course, the medication had ensured that he wouldn't suspect that they were drugging him- such was the effect of a drug occasionally prescribed for patients suffering from acute paranoia.

Kabuto sighed and downed the rest of the tea, giving no hint that he tasted the 'medication' that Shikamaru had added to his cup.

"Hungry?" Shikamaru asked after a moment, setting down his half-full cup and glancing at Kabuto.

"Marginally," Kabuto said, shrugging.

"Well, I'm starving. Think you can walk without the wheelchair?" Shikamaru asked, loath to wheel the former Konoha ninja about the village if he could avoid it.

"Only for an eighth of a mile," Kabuto responded irritably.

"Okay, okay, fine. Do you mind coming with me to find something to eat for breakfast? …It's _not_ going to be sushi," Shikamaru added as an afterthought.

"I apologized already," Kabuto snapped. "What more do you want? Should I grovel at your feet?"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "No. Just try not to pick the most expensive fruit from the fruit stand. I've got rice started in the kitchen, it should be done by the time we get back." Shikamaru grabbed Kabuto's wheelchair. "Let's go."

Kabuto set his now-empty cup on the floor and disentangled himself from the blankets cocooning him, taking care not to over-exert himself before he so much as got out of bed. Shikamaru waited semi-patiently as Kabuto finally shed the blankets and stood before carefully lowering himself into the wheelchair. The former Konoha ninja glanced up at Shikamaru. "Well?"

Shikamaru scowled. "Now we have to get you back out the door again."

"I can walk down the steps," Kabuto told him, fairly confident that he could, indeed, get down the steps.

"Okay, here's the deal," Shikamaru said, placing his hands on his hips and narrowing his eyes. "You can walk down the steps if you let me support you so you don't lose your balance and fall. I don't want to take you into the hospital and try to explain to the Hokage that you fell down my front steps and I didn't try and prevent the accident."

Kabuto considered the proposition for a moment, then nodded. "Fine," he acquiesced, extending a hand. "Help me up?"

Shikamaru nodded, gripping Kabuto's hand in his own. "Sure thing," he said.

Kabuto rested his right hand on Shikamaru's left shoulder, swaying slightly. "I'm ready," he murmured.

Shikamaru took hold of the wheelchair and moved for the door slowly, allowing Kabuto to set the pace. Shikamaru un-padlocked and unlocked the front door, moving out onto the porch before re-locking the door once he was outside. He put his key in his pocket and glanced at Kabuto. "You good?"

Kabuto nodded. Shikamaru discarded the wheelchair at the top of the steps, and together, the two of them moved down the steps. For a moment, Kabuto felt a flush of victory; then he reminded himself that this was three stairs he was congratulating himself over, and the moment was lost.

Shikamaru returned a moment later with the wheelchair, and Kabuto settled into it with a sigh.

Shikamaru pushed the chair forward, and paused. "It squeaks," he muttered. "Did it squeak yesterday?"

"No," Kabuto told him, "Maybe it's not a morning wheelchair…"

"What do you mean, it's not a… oh. Man, it's too early for jokes…" Shikamaru mumbled, pushing his charge forward, heading for the fruit stand. "Wait here," Shikamaru ordered a few moments later, upon their arrival. "I'm going to find some fruits, and I can't juggle you and the fruits."

"I don't expect you could juggle me _without_ fruits," Kabuto predicted.

Shikamaru blinked. "Um… I'm going to find some peaches." Shikamaru stalked in the direction of a basket, snatching it up and investigating a melon, muttering. "_They couldn't have taken out his vocal chords when they took out Orochimaru…? Juggle. Sheesh._"

Kabuto rolled his eyes. A morning person, Shikamaru most definitely was not. Biding time until Shikamaru was done finding the perfect fruits for breakfast (how hard was it to grab a pear or something and head back home?), Kabuto glanced in the direction of Ichiraku ramen, which was nearly ten yards from the fruit stand.

He amused himself by watching the customers enter and exit the shop; however, the moment his eyes met those of a certain regular, Kabuto was wishing he'd been amusing himself by watching… grass grow. Anything would have been better than catching sight of Uzumaki Naruto, much less having the Jinchuuriki catch sight of Kabuto.

At first, the blonde appeared surprised. Then confused. Finally, his face clouded in anger and he stalked over to where Kabuto sat, completely oblivious of the fact that the former missing-nin was in a wheelchair.

"You!" he snarled, pointing at Kabuto, practically stabbing the former Konoha ninja with his finger, which paused mere centimeters from the bridge of Kabuto's nose.

Kabuto blinked, waiting.

"You!" Naruto repeated, as if he couldn't believe his eyes. "What are YOU doing here?"

"Well," Kabuto began, not quite sure what he should say, if anything.

"What's going on here? I leave for two seconds and… Oh, Naruto." Shikamaru jogged over, a basket of assorted fruits on one arm.

"Hi," Naruto replied shortly, his eyes not leaving Kabuto.

"Um, Naruto, could you maybe move your finger away from my charge's face?" Shikamaru requested, appearing slightly concerned at the current turn of events.

Naruto removed the finger, whirling around to stare at Shikamaru. "Your WHAT?"

"My charge," Shikamaru repeated.

Naruto returned his venomous gaze to Kabuto. "And what has he done to deserve charging?"

"A lot of things, to the extent that I will probably be charged with murder, among other felonies." Kabuto volunteered.

Shikamaru sighed. "He was retrieved by Konoha ANBU, and now I'm-"

"Babysitting me until I recover enough to torture, whereupon I'll spill my guts to Konoha, at which time they will then finish me off, most likely in a repulsive and brutal manner." Kabuto shrugged easily, as though he were commenting on the weather.

Shikamaru blinked. Naruto blinked. Somewhere, in the distance, a cricket chirped.

"Well, that wasn't awkward," Shikamaru muttered sarcastically.

"Perhaps for you," Kabuto said. "I've accepted my death."

"What? How can you say that?" Naruto shrieked. "You can never give up on something as precious as life!" Shikamaru raised a finger to make a point, but Naruto barreled on. "It's not enough to be satisfied with how things are, you need to take risks! Bite the bullet! Don't be content to end your life in infamy! You should…" Naruto paused, blinked, opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again.

Kabuto waited.

"WHY AM I SAYING THIS TO YOU?" Naruto yowled.

"That's what I was going to ask," Shikamaru commented.

Kabuto shrugged. "My master is now dead. I have been captured, and Konoha intends to kill me. Death is my future- should I struggle against the inevitable?"

Naruto clenched his fists slightly, turning away. "Yes." he murmured.

"Pardon?" Kabuto inquired, believing he'd heard wrong.

"You can't just give up!" Naruto shouted, whirling back around and pointing his finger at Kabuto again. "You never know what life has in store for you, and whether you're an enemy or not, you should never give up on something as precious as life!"

Kabuto shrugged. "That's easy for you to say. You have other opportunities open to you. Even if Konoha released me, the Akatsuki wouldn't want me back. Whether I live or not, I am unwanted and useless. Why should I desire to live a purposeless life?"

Naruto scowled. "Well, then _find_ a purpose."

Kabuto frowned slightly, musing on that. "Perhaps…" he glanced at the villagers passing by, who were watching him with distrust. "Then again, perhaps not."

Shikamaru shrugged. "Well, if you're resigned to dying, it makes _my_ job a lot easier." He blinked. "Not that I want you to die, or anything…"

Kabuto sighed. "Well, I'm going to die of hunger if I don't get anything to eat soon."

Naruto glanced around in concern. "Get some food in him before Chouji finds out," he suggested.

Shikamaru chuckled. "Every now and then, Naruto, you manage to find something smart to say."

"Yeah? Well thanks… I think…"

Kabuto rolled his eyes.

Naruto turned, and began walking away when he paused momentarily, shoulders stiffening. "Hey, Kabuto?"

"Yes?"

The Genin whirled around and once again pointed a finger at Kabuto. "I still don't trust you. And I'll never forgive you for taking Sasuke away." With that, the blonde stormed off.

Kabuto watched him go for a moment, then sighed. "Why does everyone keep saying that _I_ took Sasuke away?"

* * *

A/N: It's tragic how I forget to update until someone reviews. But hey, it's a great reason to review. You might get credit for the next update! This one's courtesy of Tamuril2, and of course all the other amazing reviewers that remind me that I'm a complete dunderhead and need to update...

PS: Tamuril smacks of LOTR elvish, and I used to know what it means, but I just can't put my finger on it...


	12. Interrogations?

_"Questions are never indiscreet, answers sometimes are."_ ~Oscar Wilde

* * *

**Chapter 11: Interrogations?**

"Um…Shishou, I noticed that you sent for Ibiki…?" Shizune glanced at the paper she was holding with slight confusion.

Tsunade glanced up from a stack of papers nearly two feet high that she was supposed to get through before the night was over. "Yes, what of it?"

"Well, who were you planning on interrogating? I didn't see any records of new prisoners prepared for-"

Tsunade signed her name, and turned around to face Shizune. "I want to get started on Yakushi Kabuto."

Shizune appeared surprised. "But the last record showed that he could barely walk a quarter of a mile…"

"Actually, it was an eigth," Tsunade corrected her. "And I wasn't planning on Ibiki utilizing his, shall we say, diverse tactics for gaining information. I just want him to shake the kid up a bit."

"Shake him up? Won't that be a detriment to the healing process?"

"Not physically," Tsunade clarified. "I want Ibiki to throw a few questions here and there, see if we can get Yakushi to open up at all while he's still on the meds- if we can get him to talk now, it'll be easier to get him to cooperate later."

Shizune frowned slightly. "Won't that cause psychological complications?"

"He's on meds, Shizune. He'll be fine," Tsunade reassured her. "He'd have a hard time finding a reason to hate us in his current state of mind. That makes interrogations much simpler."

Shizune nodded slowly. "I see. Thank you for explaining, shishou."

Tsunade sighed. "No problem at all. Now get me some sake, I've got a full night of paperwork ahead of me and I need something to make my time worthwhile…"

* * *

A knock sounded on the front door of Shikamaru's house, and Kabuto moved slowly across the room, opening the door to the unwelcome sight of five Konoha ANBU.

He blinked. "Can I help you?"

"We're taking you in for questioning," one ANBU said.

"Already?" Kabuto asked, surprised. _Are they really so desperate for information? I'll probably die after less than a day of interrogations at my current level of recovery…_

"What's going on?" Shikamaru asked, approaching the door.

"We're taking Yakushi Kabuto to Ibiki," the head ANBU told Shikamaru.

Shikamaru frowned. "Already?"

"That's what I said," Kabuto commented. He glanced at the ANBU. "Can I get my wheelchair first? It might take all day if I have to walk there."

Shikamaru's frown deepened. "Hang on a minute, Kabuto, I want to talk to the Hokage about this."

"We are under direct orders from the Hokage herself," the ANBU told Shikamaru.

"Yeah, well, I'm under direct orders from the Hokage to make sure he doesn't die before he's ready for questioning, and I think he's going to die if he goes in for questioning!" Shikamaru retorted.

"Take it up with the Hokage, then," the lead ANBU said dismissively. "In the meantime, Yakushi Kabuto- come with us."

Shikamaru glared at the ANBU, and turned around and headed into the house, retrieving Kabuto's wheelchair. "Don't try and wheel him down the stairs," he warned the ANBU, shoving the wheelchair at them before slamming the door. He leaned against it wearily for a moment, then stormed through the house to his back door, headed for the Hokage's office. _What's the big idea?_ he wondered irritably. _Does the Hokage not trust me to keep an eye on Kabuto? Does she think he's a bad influence on me or something? Why would she be taking him in for interrogations so soon? He'll die before she gets any worthwhile information…It doesn't make sense…_

Meanwhile, Kabuto tottered down the steps without incident, grateful that he hadn't made a complete fool of himself in front of five ANBU. He could feel his insides quailing at the thought of Ibiki's interrogations, but he knew he would never allow someone from Konoha to break him. _Yes, well, that's a nice thought, coming from someone confined to a wheelchair,_ Kabuto thought grimly.

Before long, the five ANBU and the wheelchair-confined Kabuto arrived at their destination; a small yet foreboding building near the edge of the village. The Hokage was there, as was Morino Ibiki.

"Yakushi Kabuto," Ibiki drawled, eyeing a clipboard with several dozen pages of paper attached. "Quite a rap sheet you've got here."

Kabuto waited, wondering what the interrogations specialist would do next.

"Why don't we head inside?" Ibiki suggested easily, as if he were suggesting they go out for ramen or some other trivial matter.

"Do I have a choice?" Kabuto retorted with a smirk.

"Not really," Ibiki acknowledged.

Kabuto stood carefully. "Shall we?"

"Not too eager, are we?" Tsunade scoffed.

Kabuto shrugged. "Am I? I just don't want to stand here until my knees buckle."

Ibiki shrugged and offered Kabuto an arm. "I hear you have trouble with stairs."

Kabuto ignored the gesture and marched up the stairs with ease. (He'd been practicing.) Ibiki glanced at the Hokage, shrugged, and followed Kabuto up the four steps to the door, which he opened for Kabuto. "After you," he said, gesturing politely.

"No, after _you_," Kabuto replied.

"HOKAGE!" A voice bellowed from nearly a hundred yards distant.

Tsunade turned around and caught sight of Shikamaru, waving his arms frantically and dashing towards the trio.

"Hokage, good, I thought you might already be inside," Shikamaru panted as he reached them. "I went to your office, but then Shizune said you were here, which is all the way across town… We need to talk!"

Tsunade nodded at Ibiki. "Okay," she said, turning to face Shikamaru.

"_With_ Kabuto," Shikamaru added, leaping forward and grabbing Kabuto's bicep, yanking the former Konoha ninja towards where the Hokage was standing.

Of course, there was the matter of the stairs _between_ Kabuto and the Hokage… Unfortunately, Kabuto still hadn't mastered the art of descending stairs. (He needed more practice.)

Shikamaru yanked Kabuto off balance, and the former missing-nin stumbled sideways. His left foot slipped over the edge of the top step and he tumbled down the stairs, landing in a heap at the foot of the steps. "Ow," he commented dryly.

"He might be easier to break than I thought," Ibiki remarked, smirking.

"Yeah. Don't bother water-boarding or hanging me by my thumbs. Just throw me down a few flights of stairs and I'll talk your ears off," Kabuto shot back.

Shikamaru scowled. "Um, I'm trying to have a conversation, here."

"So you threw me on the ground as a sort of ice breaker, then?" Kabuto grumbled, disentangling his arms from his legs and vice versa.

"Shut up. Look, Hokage, he's not recovered yet-"

"Especially after he threw me down the stairs," Kabuto interjected.

"Shut up! Anyway, Hokage, I'm not trying to challenge your judgement- well, maybe a little- It's just that I've been watching him these past few days and I just don't see how torturing him now is going to be of any use to Konoha."

"Yeah, and just imagine how long it will take to clean the stairs once you're done," Kabuto smirked.

Tsunade scowled. "Ibiki, get going. Shikamaru, a word- _without_ Kabuto, please. Otherwise we may never finish our conversation."

Shikamaru nodded, and Ibiki extended a hand to Kabuto, who eyed it warily. "If I take your hand, you'll probably just drop me," Kabuto predicted. "But I do need help getting up, and I would really hate to be carried inside, so I guess falling on the ground isn't any worse than being thrown down stairs."

Ibiki rolled his eyes. "You done?"

"Sure," Kabuto said, grasping Ibiki's hand and allowing the interrogation officer to help him up.

Shikamaru watched the two enter the building. (Kabuto managed to successfully traverse the stairs a second time.)

"Now, Shikamaru, what makes you think that I'm having Kabuto tortured?" Tsunade asked.

"One: we're at the torture and interrogation facility. Two: he's in there with Ibiki. Need I say more? I have a few more points if you need to hear them."

"That's sufficient," Tsunade assured him. "The truth is, we're asking him a few questions and sending him back with you to continue recovering. But we're trying to ease him into answering our questions."

Shikamaru stared at her flatly. "And you think he'll answer your questions?"

Tsunade smirked. "Come now, Shikamaru, this is _Ibiki_ we're talking about…"

* * *

A/N: Mwahahahaha! More reviews! yay! I remembered to update! Oooh, Ibiki... *insert creepy music* Stay tuned! ^_^


	13. stairs

_"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence."_ ~ George Washington

* * *

**Chapter 12: ...Stairs...**

Ibiki handed Kabuto a glass of water and slowly sank into a chair opposite the defected Konoha ninja. "So you can answer questions without drying out your mouth," Ibiki explained with a pitiless smirk.

"Or throw it at you if I get irritated," Kabuto replied, glancing at his right hand, which was handcuffed to the table. Even if he couldn't really attack Ibiki, the idea of soaking him was tempting.

Ibiki raised an eyebrow. "Either your sense of humor comes out when you're tense, or you're stupid."

"Or bored, and totally unconcerned with whether I live or die," Kabuto replied easily. "You going to throw me down a flight of stairs now?"

"Do you have some sort of stairs complex?"

"Is this the question you always begin your interrogations with?"

"I'll be asking the questions, thank you."

"You're welcome. Will you also be making the statements? Because that last sentence wasn't a question."

"So what made you decide to work for the Akatsuki?"

"They have a better dental plan," Kabuto quipped.

Ibiki continued as though he hadn't heard. "Why did you choose to follow Orochimaru when he defected?"

Kabuto chose not to answer this question- he couldn't be glib when it came to Lord Orochimaru.

Ibiki raised an eyebrow, made a notation on his clipboard, and continued. "What is the chemical formula for water?"

"Y equals MX plus B," Kabuto replied, smirking.

"And the reason you allowed Orochimaru to use you was…?"

"H2O," Kabuto replied.

Ibiki made another notation on his clipboard.

"You might as well mark down that I'm not going to answer any questions regarding Lord Orochimaru, which, honestly, is kind of pointless anyway, since he's dead," Kabuto smirked, leaning back and folding his arms across his chest.

"So why do you insist on protecting him?"

Kabuto shook his finger and tsked. "I said I wasn't going to answer any questions about Lord Orochimaru."

Ibiki scribbled down another few notes. "All right then… You are a medical ninja, yet you betrayed Konoha. Why?"

"Why did I betray Konoha, or why did I become a medical ninja? Please clarify your question so I can come up with a fitting smart remark."

"Why, if you hate Konoha, did you remain a medical ninja, a legacy that your father, a Konoha ninja, left for you?"

"I like pie," Kabuto answered simply. "Pie and doctors are my friends."

"Except when they surgically remove the DNA of Oro- another- from your body," Ibiki pointed out.

"What, pies? I've never seen a pie perform surgery before," Kabuto mused. "Next time you see one, let me know so I can watch too."

Ibiki slammed his fists on the table, leaning forward. "All right kid, party's over."

Kabuto sighed. "And we never got to the champagne…"

A loud slap rang through the room. Ibiki raised his hand to strike Kabuto again. "Let's try and get serious now," he suggested coldly. "What do you know of the Akatsuki's goals?"

"Nothing," Kabuto replied.

"What do they want?"

"Asking me what they want is another way of asking me what I know of their goals, and I must again respond by assuring you that I know nothing," Kabuto replied.

"Where is Uchiha Sasuke?"

"Darned if I know. He doesn't stay in any one place for too long," Kabuto pointed out.

"Who is currently leading the Akatsuki?"

"I worked with Lord Orochimaru-"

"Who kept tabs on the Akatsuki," Ibiki responded.

"Who was not exactly filled in by the Akatsuki on all their plans, goals, and/or schemes," Kabuto shot back. "I don't know."

"All right. Your work here, then. Is there anything that you learned while you lived here as a spy that could be dangerous to us now?"

"How should I know?" Kabuto demanded. "I'm not exactly in the know anymore, what with being a recovering surgery patient and all that."

Ibiki frowned. "I think you're lying."

"You would," Kabuto replied.

"How did you end up working for the Akatsuki? What motivated you?"

"The dental plan," Kabuto replied.

Ibiki slapped him again, harder. "The truth," he commanded.

"Good food."

Another slap.

"The company."

Ibiki grabbed Kabuto's head and smashed it against the table. "I'm only going to ask one more time," he snarled. "What motivated you to work for the Akatsuki? How can we prevent this from happening again? How can we keep our children from defecting to other villages or organizations?"

Kabuto glanced sidelong at Ibiki. "You could start by caring."

Ibiki blinked, prepared to beat the insolence out of Kabuto, not actually receive an honest answer. "What?"

"You didn't care," Kabuto explained. "I disappeared. Maybe If I had been sought out, maybe if someone had cared to know where I was, perhaps if they'd tried to convince me to come back, I wouldn't have stayed. But Konoha didn't care that I'd disappeared. They left me with the Akatsuki. I didn't betray Konoha so much as Konoha betrayed me."

Ibiki frowned, and posed another question. "Why, then, did you leave the Akatsuki?"

"Because Lord Orochimaru sought me out. He tried to convince me to come with him. Convinced me I was of worth- something Konoha failed to do, Ibiki. He made me feel that I was a person, not a tool."

"So the Akatsuki didn't seek you out?"

"The Akatsuki didn't feel that I was of worth. They never bothered convincing me, so the choice was simple when I knew that Lord Orochimaru actually _wanted_ me."

"So Orochimaru-"

"No questions about Lord Orochimaru. Have some respect for the dead," Kabuto insisted.

"So how did the Akatsuki convince you to defect from Konoha?"

"They didn't convince me," Kabuto explained. "They had no need to."

"Why?"

"And for that, ladies and gentlemen, tune in next week," Kabuto replied glibly.

Ibiki scowled. "Why, Kabuto?"

"Why next week? Well, I just assumed you'd want to keep talking with me. The conversation was so delightful, except for the occasional beating."

"Why didn't the Akatsuki need to convince you?"

"Because they had a great dental plan! It speaks for itself, you should try it," Kabuto explained, mock-seriously.

"Answer me, Kabuto. It isn't an Orochimaru question."

"I don't want to," Kabuto said. "It makes me angry. And then I feel like throwing my water at you."

Ibiki sighed, standing. "Well, I think we're done here. Let's head back outside, shall we?"

Kabuto blinked. "What?"

Ibiki smirked. "I think that's the first time I've caught you off guard this whole conversation."

"No stairs?" Kabuto asked, still only half-serious.

"None. Just one last question: why the infatuation with stairs?"

-'-'-'-'- -'-'-'-'- -'-'-'-'- -'-'-'-'- -'-'-'-'-

_The ramen is too hot to eat, but Otousan doesn't seem interested in eating anyway. _

"_What did you learn in school today, son?" Otousan glances down at him, and casually places the bowl of ramen on the steps, focusing entirely on what he has to say._

"_Boring stuff. Not like the things you teach me," he replies, smiling up at Otousan, setting aside his own bowl of steaming noodles._

_Otousan smiles back, and ruffles his hair playfully, scooting down a step so the two of them are sitting side-by-side on the staircase. "Yeah, well, you need school too, kid. Don't forget that."_

_He looks up at his Otousan and his smile widens. "Yes sir!"_

-'-'-'-'- -'-'-'-'- -'-'-'-'- -'-'-'-'- -'-'-'-'-

_He feels gravity tug at him, and though he arches his body, trying to regain his balance, the momentum created by the puppet master's cruel tug is too much, and he falls, tumbling down the steep flight of stairs, still feeling the tug of the chakra strings that have stolen his freedom, trapped him, enslaved him._

_He lies at the bottom of the steps, in too much pain to fully assess the damage done to his tiny body. He only knows that it hurts, and he wants it to stop…_

"_Come now, Sasori, let the child be," the cool, almost reptilian voice slithers down the staircase, following the puppet master's movements._

_He lifts his eyes, and catches sight of the silky, black hair, the entrancing golden eyes, and he wonders- if this man were his master, would he still be in pain?_

-'-'-'-'- -'-'-'-'- -'-'-'-'- -'-'-'-'- -'-'-'-'-

_Lord Orochimaru nudges the door open, glancing at him with a hint of pride. "All of what I've shown you is my village," the sannin says, "but this… this is mine." _

_As the snake-man begins to descend into the shadowy stairwell, he lingers at the top step, too frightened to follow. _

_Lord Orochimaru turns and looks at him. "What's wrong?"_

"_You say it's yours," he murmurs, hoping that he has not angered the powerful man. "I should not…"_

"_Kabuto," Lord Orochimaru purrs, "You are now my ward. Come."_

_And he comes._

-'-'-'-'- -'-'-'-'- -'-'-'-'- -'-'-'-'- -'-'-'-'-

Kabuto blinked hard, forcing away the memories. Lord Orochimaru was dead now; memories would not bring him back to life, and Kabuto was hardly in a position to attempt to bring him back.

Ibiki was eyeing Kabuto carefully. "Stairs?" he pressed, noting the change that had come over the young man.

"Wonderful for basements and upper floors," Kabuto replied, quickly regaining his composure, "though I never understood sunken rooms that require two steps down to get to the main floor. It seems… superfluous."

Ibiki nodded slowly. "I'll be seeing you," he told Kabuto, stepping forward and removing the handcuff that kept Kabuto shackled to the table.

"I have every confidence that you will," Kabuto replied, smirking. "I look forward to our next conversation."

"I'm sure you do," Ibiki acknowledged the obvious sarcasm in the statement with a sarcastic statement of his own.

Kabuto stood carefully, but stumbled when he tried to take a step- Ibiki caught the young man, and kept a firm grip on Kabuto's bicep until they had exited the building and descended the stairs. Shikamaru was waiting outside, tapping his foot impatiently and scowling. When he noticed Kabuto, an expression of surprise flitted across his features, closely followed by a look of disdain.

"Well, at least you didn't kill him," Shikamaru grumbled, noting with displeasure the bruises forming on Kabuto's face. "Did you get anything useful from him?"

"A little food for thought. And perhaps a new appreciation for stairs," Ibiki replied, smirking.

Kabuto sank gratefully into his wheelchair and sighed, worn out from the fear that had gripped his body, the mental exercise required to circumvent Ibiki's questions, and the unwelcome memories that seemed to have produced a solemn, almost melancholy undercurrent to his every thought.

Shikamaru glanced at Kabuto in concern. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired," Kabuto replied honestly, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. "Alive."

Ibiki made a quick note on his clipboard. "Well, I've got other prisoners to attend to," he said brusquely. "I'll be going. See you soon, Yakushi."

Shikamaru glanced down at Kabuto. "Do you want to get something to eat? You were in there for awhile…"

"A half hour, max," Kabuto replied. "I'm not hungry…though if you want something, I won't complain."

"I think we'll just head back, then," Shikamaru said softly, turning and wheeling Kabuto away.

* * *

A/N: Brainiac5 here. As a special treat to the viewing audience, I shall discourse with MidnightAnimeAngel as a behind-the-scenes feature for this author note. ...not really. But hey, she's here! Give her a big hand! No, no, not _that_ kind of hand, I meant _applause..._ sheesh. Ninja.

B5: Anyway, I'm going to be the interviewer, because I'm awesome like that, and because I stole her laptop so I get to type things in, which means that I'm in control of the conversation. Mwaha!

MAA: pshtt. We'll see about that. *musing* Maybe I should pull a Kakashi and only give vague answers...

B5: But what's the point of being a hard-hitting journalist if you don't answer any of my questions?

MAA: That's your problem.

B5: Meh. So, MAA, Pepsi or Coke?

MAA: Root beer.

B5: Creativity. The bane of Journalism! (Sorry to any journalists out there)

MAA: Let's get to the _real_ questions shall we?

B5: It _was_ a real question! It had a question mark and everything! Okay, okay, hard-hitting journalism. Here comes my Pulitzer Prize-winning question: ...um...what should I ask?

MAA: *rolls eyes* Oh yeah, that's a real winner.

B5: Winner! Ha! Okay, who do you think will win the fair maiden? Shikamaru or Kabuto?

MAA: Which fair maiden are we talking about, and what does this have to do with the story?

B5: I'm not sure, and nothing, really. Wait! I'm the one who's supposed to be asking questions!

- this sort of meaningless dialogue continues for quite some time -

B5: Well, that wraps up our in-depth segment, join us next time I update for a more meaningful chapter, and hopefully shorter author notes. Bye! ^_^

MAA: Wait, I never got to say hello!

B5: MAA says hello. Bye!

MAA: *steals laptop back* Hi and bye!

B5: All that tussle for the laptop and that's all you type? Sheesh...


	14. Kitchen Nightmares

For me, it was kind of like going into the military or something. And anybody - any male - who has ever worked in a French kitchen knows what I am talking about when I say that. ~ Alton Brown

* * *

**Chapter 13: Kitchen Nightmares**

"Does tea sound good?" Shikamaru called from the kitchen.

Kabuto wasn't listening. Instead, he stared blankly into space, thinking- or rather, staring at nothing in particular, in a state of deep concentration. Kabuto wasn't trying to discover the meaning of life, or even the meaning of _his _ life. Mostly, Kabuto was concentrating on _not_ thinking about anything. He didn't want to think, because thinking brought back unwelcome memories, and the memories were making him angry. Kabuto was afraid of his anger. If he became angry, Shikamaru might suspect that the medication wasn't working. Kabuto didn't want to be drugged for his next session with Ibiki. Who knew what he might spill?

Sighing, Kabuto rubbed his face. Brooding wouldn't help things any, either. If Kabuto suddenly became reserved and withdrawn, that would be another indicator that maybe, just maybe, the medication was no longer taking effect. Shikamaru was a sharp kid- Kabuto should have requested someone like Chouji. Was Chouji a Chunin? Kabuto couldn't remember, which was a disturbing thought. Then again, perhaps Kakashi had never thought to mention anyone else's rank, and Kabuto was getting worked up about nothing. He seemed to be getting worked up about a lot of things- a sign that perhaps he was regaining his mind, his self- or at least the ability to think fully about situations.

Kabuto smiled. That would be a relief, to have his personality unsuppressed by the drug. It was working out of his system faster than he expected.

"Hey! Are you even awake in there?" Shikamaru shouted, sticking his head out of the kitchen door.

Kabuto turned his head slowly. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I asked if you were awake," Shikamaru snapped.

"Obviously," Kabuto said, frowning slightly.

"You weren't answering me," Shikamaru explained, stepping out of the kitchen with a tray.

"I wasn't? No, no, I suppose I wasn't," Kabuto murmured. "I was thinking."

"About whatever you and Ibiki talked about?" Shikamaru asked, sinking down on the opposite end of the couch.

"Mostly about things to help me forget entirely the conversation between Ibiki and myself," Kabuto replied.

"That bad?" Shikamaru prompted, handing Kabuto a teacup.

"No…well, maybe… yes," Kabuto finally admitted, deciding that if he pretended to open up to Shikamaru, maybe he wouldn't have to visit Ibiki quite so often.

"I'm sorry," Shikamaru said, sipping his own tea thoughtfully. "Did he get much out of you?"

"I'd rather not talk about it," Kabuto said quietly, forcing his voice to tighten.

Shikamaru glanced at him in concern. "That bad?"

"He got plenty out of me," Kabuto sighed, playing with his teacup.

"Either drink the tea or put it back," Shikamaru grumbled.

Kabuto sipped some of the tea. "It's good," he said.

"Thanks. I boiled the water myself," Shikamaru snorted. "What do you want for dinner?"

"Curry," Kabuto suggested, taking another sip of his tea.

Shikamaru scowled. "I don't know how to make that."

"What about Sukiyaki?" Kabuto asked, glancing over the rim of his teacup at the chunin.

"I was thinking more like something along the lines of instant ramen or onigiri," Shikamaru muttered.

Kabuto made a slight face, considering the options with distaste. "Onigiri, I suppose," he said after a moment, sighing.

"Don't do that!" Shikamaru snapped, plunking his empty teacup down on the tray and glaring at Kabuto.

"Do what?" Kabuto asked, setting his teacup down also and wondering what he'd done.

"Sigh," Shikamaru grumbled. "It's not like I know how to cook those things anyway, so why do you make me feel guilty about it?"

"It was not my intent to make you feel guilty," Kabuto apologized, "It's just that we've had ramen or onigiri almost every noon and evening for the past few days and I was hoping for some… variety."

"There has been variety! We had at least five different fillings for the onigiri, and at _least_ six different flavors of instant ramen. Plus, we varied the fruits and vegetables that came with the meal, and didn't we do yakitori once?"

"Sukiyaki isn't any more difficult than yakitori," Kabuto protested. "And curry-"

"I'll go get some boil-in-the-bag curry," Shikamaru grumbled, standing and picking up the tray of now empty teacups.

Kabuto made another face.

"What? Now you don't like boil-in-the-bag?" Shikamaru demanded irritably.

"I can make curry," Kabuto volunteered, avoiding the question.

"I don't trust you with my knives," Shikamaru countered, rolling his eyes.

"You could do the cooking while I give you directions," Kabuto suggested.

"I don't know what ingredients to get," Shikamaru replied.

"I could come with you to get ingredients," Kabuto insisted.

"You _really_ don't want ramen or onigiri?" Shikamaru tried one last time.

"I would prefer curry," Kabuto replied.

Shikamaru sighed gustily. "Fine. Get in the wheelchair. We're going to find curry ingredients."

Kabuto smiled.

* * *

"I said _mince_ the garlic, not _dice_ the garlic!" Kabuto complained, face palming. "Don't you know how to follow instructions?"

"What is _mincing_ then?" Shikamaru demanded irritably, throwing his hands up in the air and glaring at Kabuto, who was reclining in one of the chairs at the kitchen table.

"Don't you have a garlic press?" Kabuto asked, straightening up slightly and glancing at the counters. "I thought everyone had a garlic press."

"What the heck is a garlic press?" Shikamaru demanded, waving the knife he'd been using to cut all the garlic cloves in half.

"Stir the meat, you're burning it," Kabuto ordered, pointing at the skillet, which was sizzling loud enough that he had to raise his voice to make himself heard. "A garlic press is… sort of like a nut cracker, except it has a hollow area with little holes in it, and a… a thing that fits into the hollow area to _mince_ the garlic."

"Is it like a grater?" Shikamaru asked, jabbing the spatula in the pan and stirring the chicken around.

"It's like a grater in the same way that a serrated knife is like a buzz saw," Kabuto replied irritably. "No! A garlic press is a garlic press!"

"But I don't know what a garlic press is!" Shikamaru snapped, waving the spatula at Kabuto.

"I give up, just chop the garlic into miniscule pieces with the knife," Kabuto finally said, rolling his eyes.

"That's what I _did_!" Shikamaru retorted, pointing at the cutting board in disgust.

"Those pieces are the size of the end of my _thumb_," Kabuto countered. "That's not _minced_. Not in the slightest!"

Shikamaru scowled and poked at the chicken some more. "Do I put the onions in now?"

"NO! Finish the garlic!" Kabuto commanded, pointing at the cutting board.

Shikamaru attacked the garlic with ferocity, venting his frustration on the unwitting vegetable.

"Good," Kabuto said after about a minute. "Now put it in with the chicken and stir. Where's the coconut milk and the lemon grass?"

"The what and the who?" Shikamaru asked, glancing up from the meat.

Kabuto sighed, stood, and moved over to the counter, picking through the ingredients that Shikamaru had recently purchased. "Where's the soup base?"

"I have dashi," Shikamaru volunteered, moving for the cupboard.

"I don't _want_ dashi, I want chicken broth," Kabuto retorted, giving up and opening a package of instant ramen to get at its flavor packet. "And fish sauce. And where did you put the shrimp?"

"I didn't get any shrimp," Shikamaru grumbled. "They were too expensive."

"Pity, but I guess they aren't really necessary," Kabuto decided after a moment. "You got the green curry paste?"

"Of course," Shikamaru said, wondering if he trusted Kabuto with the knives enough to just sneak out of the kitchen and let him finish the curry.

"Good. And you got some mild curry also, I hope?" Kabuto asked, digging in one of the shopping bags and pulling out bamboo shoots, fresh cilantro, a few mushrooms, and two carrots.

"No, why?" Shikamaru asked, deciding to stir the chicken again before Kabuto accused him of trying to burn their dinner.

Kabuto glanced at Shikamaru with an '_Are you really this dumb?'_ look on his face. "Oh, no reason in particular… Unless you _like_ losing all sensation in your mouth for a week. This is _Thai_ curry, you realize- which means that it's from _Thailand,_ land of the hot peppers."

"I don't think I've ever heard it called 'Land of the Hot Peppers'," Shikamaru snorted. "You made that up!"

"It's an unofficial title," Kabuto retorted. "You didn't notice that the first ingredient in green curry is green chili peppers?"

"No," Shikamaru snapped. "Why didn't you _tell_ me to get mild curry?"

"I assumed you'd have some here," Kabuto retorted. "You really don't have any mild chili powder?"

"No," Shikamaru repeated, stabbing at the chicken in disgust.

Kabuto grumbled and began opening cupboards until he found the spices. "Turmeric, lemongrass, cumin," he mumbled, thunking them on the counter. "Don't you have any ground coriander seed?"

"What's coriander seed?" Shikamaru asked.

"Cilantro seed," Kabuto offered, pulling out galangal powder and setting it next to the turmeric.

"… maybe," Shikamaru said. "I didn't exactly stock my own spice cupboard. Chouji did it for me."

"Why am I not surprised?" Kabuto asked himself, digging through the spices. "It looks like you haven't even opened half of these," he addressed Shikamaru, shaking his head in disgust.

"I don't know how to use them!" Shikamaru retorted. "I don't even know what they are!"

Kabuto sighed, and glanced at the chicken. "Add the coconut milk," he said. "Do you have any limes? I need some lime peel for my slapdash mild curry."

"What do I do with the coconut milk?" Shikamaru asked, confused.

"Take off the lid and pour it in the pan," Kabuto snapped, exasperated. "And here, take this and add it to some warm water."

"This is ramen flavor," Shikamaru said, frowning at it.

"Yes, _chicken_ flavor, since you have no chicken soup base. This'll have to do. Now get it in the skillet already!" Kabuto snapped.

"Fine, fine," Shikamaru grumbled, taking the ramen packet and locating a bowl.

Kabuto rolled his eyes and began digging in the drawers for a can opener. "Where do you keep your can opener?"

"I don't know," Shikamaru confessed, mixing the chicken broth. "Why?"

"I need it to open the coconut milk," Kabuto explained.

"I'll just use a kunai," Shikamaru said, taking one and cutting the can of coconut milk open.

Kabuto dumped the coconut milk in the skillet, stirred it for a few seconds, then moved over to the sink.

"What are you doing?" Shikamaru asked, wondering what to do with the chicken broth.

"I'm rinsing out the can for the last of the coconut milk, and dumping the water in the skillet," Kabuto explained, dumping the coconut-milky water in the skillet.

"Oh. What do I do with the chicken broth?"

"Put it in the skillet!" Kabuto snapped, exasperated with Shikamaru's lack of skill in the kitchen. "Now, where's the green curry paste?"

* * *

"You know, I think this is the best curry I've ever tasted," Shikamaru said. "But I'm too tired to enjoy it."

"Oh please, it only took forty minutes," Kabuto retorted.

"This is _way_ more work than yakitori," Shikamaru informed Kabuto.

"It's easier than making…" Kabuto thought for a moment. "Sushi," he finally decided. "It's easier than sushi."

"Yeah, which is why I let _other_ people make sushi, and I buy it," Shikamaru replied.

"Be quiet and eat," Kabuto ordered, taking a bite himself.

Shikamaru shrugged and dug in.

"So," he said a few bites later, "You want to talk about something?"

"Like what?" Kabuto asked, glancing at him with slight suspicion.

"Not much, but I was just wondering-" Shikamaru began.

Kabuto scowled. "I already had a nice chat with Ibiki this morning, Shikamaru."

"I know, I was just wondering where you learned to cook," Shikamaru explained quickly, looking embarrassed. "Honest."

Kabuto blinked in surprise. "Really?"

"Yeah. So, where _did _you learn to cook?" Shikamaru asked, leaning forward slightly.

Kabuto frowned slightly. "I'm not really sure. I've cooked for myself since I was very young, because my father would get called out on missions frequently. I learned to fend for myself. And, as you can probably tell, I'm a bit of a food snob."

"A _bit_?" Shikamaru repeated, smirking. "More than a _bit_, I'd say…"

"So I learned to cook food right… or I'd throw it away," Kabuto confessed. "But not when my father was around. He didn't like it when I wasted food…"

"Not many people do," Shikamaru agreed.

"But if it isn't good…" Kabuto shrugged, taking a bite of the curry. "I mean, if you're going to go to the trouble of making a meal, make it a _good_ meal."

"So did you cook a lot as a sound ninja?" Shikamaru asked, glancing at a bamboo shoot with suspicion before eating it.

"I'd like to see _you_ make Orochimaru-sama cook his own dinner," Kabuto retorted.

"Good point," Shikamaru acquiesced, eyeballing a bit of carrot. "Didn't he have a cook?"

"Would _you_ trust food from some random cook who might possibly be bribed by an enemy faction to assassinate you?" Kabuto asked Shikamaru pointedly, quirking an eyebrow upward and taking another bite of the curry.

Shikamaru blinked. "Um… I guess not."

Kabuto nodded shortly. "So I cooked a lot." Inwardly he scowled. It was frustrating, having to act perky when what he was feeling was precisely the opposite. But he couldn't risk Shikamaru discovering that he'd switched out the medication.

Shikamaru poked the curry. "So, can we have something else for dinner tomorrow?"

Kabuto smirked. "How about sukiyaki?"

Shikamaru shrugged as if he didn't care. "I guess we could pick up some ingredients," he offered generously. "So long as you do the cooking."

* * *

A/N: Do I detect bromance? No? No, sadly, not yet... ^_^ But hey, who knew Kabuto would be such a food critic? I certainly didn't until the last few chapters...

And if anyone wants my green curry recipe, feel free to ask. I'm not as snippish as Kabuto, but I do really love cooking. I also make maki sushi and nigiri sushi occasionally. I just recently figured out how to do those rolled omelets, and I also love making those inside-out rolls. I haven't dared to make any animal/character rolls yet, but I want to try someday. I also make a mean lasagna, and I don't mean to brag, but my Pad Thai's not bad either. (I learned how to make Pad Thai from a Thai exchange student, so the dish should be at least remotely authentic.)

Okay, for not bragging, that was a bit brag-ish. But I just really love cooking... ^_^

PS: Shout out to Chef Gordon Ramsay for the chapter title!


	15. An Unexpected Guest

_"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude."_ ~Maya Angelou

* * *

**Chapter 14: An Unexpected Guest**

Kabuto slept fitfully for the first few hours of the night. First he couldn't seem to find a comfortable position. Then his mind kept racing in circles. He couldn't help wondering when would Ibiki take him next, what was going to happen to him, and how he was supposed to keep everyone convinced of his sanity when he no longer had a drug to maintain absolute control over his conscious thought. Additionally, memories Kabuto would have preferred remained buried kept returning to the forefront of his consciousness.

It was, in a word, miserable.

The strain of acting like a nice, normal, cooperative prisoner just waiting for someone to decide to drag him off and torture him before executing him was enough to drive him mad, and he'd already gone insane… or at least Konoha seemed to be under that impression.

Groaning, Kabuto rolled over for the fifty-seventh time, dragging the heavy blankets and one of the two pillows with him; the other pillow had jumped ship at least forty-five minutes earlier. Staring blankly at the back of the couch, Kabuto wondered if Shikamaru would become suspicious if he looked tired the next morning.

Groaning again, Kabuto flopped onto his back and glared at the ceiling.

The night did not improve with time.

* * *

"Kabuto…Kabuto…" Shikamaru scowled, yanking up the window blinds. The guy was out like a_ light_. And since Shikamaru was up, he'd been convinced that Kabuto would be up too. The guy was a morning person, unlike Shikamaru. And yet…

"Ka! Bu! To!" Shikamaru hissed, emphasizing every syllable and jabbing the former Konoha ninja in the shoulder with his index finger.

Groaning, Kabuto rolled over, arm flopping around, searching for his second pillow to cover his head. After a moment of unsuccessful flailing, Kabuto tugged on the blanket, covering his head and curling into the fetal position.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and grabbed the edge of the blanket, yanking it off of Kabuto. "Get up already!"

Kabuto growled unintelligibly and took a swipe at Shikamaru, who leaped back in surprise.

"Whoa! What's your problem? Get up!"

Kabuto rolled over, charcoal eyes snapping open, clear and focused. "For your information, I had a rotten night's sleep, I barely managed to fall asleep an hour ago, and you're trying to wake me up. So pardon me if I'm a bit testy."

"Oh, sorry, I didn't realize," Shikamaru said, quickly releasing the blankets. "I just thought you were trying to annoy me or something. Is something bothering you?"

"Yes, the fact that I didn't sleep," Kabuto replied shortly, tugging the blankets back up and over his torso. "Good night. Morning. Whatever." Pulling the blankets back over his head, Kabuto sighed gustily and rolled over, facing the back of the couch. Within five minutes, Kabuto's body had relaxed, and his breaths had become slow and even.

Shaking his head, Shikamaru quietly moved across the room, closing the blinds before carefully creeping into the kitchen and retrieving some instant ramen for himself. After eating his breakfast as silently as possible, Shikamaru poked around the kitchen, eyeing the ingredients in his spice cupboard. Kabuto had returned all of the ingredients to their proper places, and had even washed the dishes. Shikamaru shook his head, disposing of his instant ramen package. For an enemy ninja and Orichimaru's right hand man, the guy was pretty considerate.

Shikamaru scowled. Instead of making Kabuto cook again, maybe he should try his hand at cooking and fix the former missing-nin something for breakfast. Thinking back to all the times he'd destroyed Chouji's kitchen, Shikamaru sighed. If he was going to cook, he would need some help…

A knock sounded at the front door. Kabuto muttered unintelligibly and rolled over, decidedly ignoring the unwelcome interruption. Shikamaru tiptoed past the sound ninja, opening the door and making a "shh" motion with his hand before beconing Hyuuga Hinata into the house.

Hinata glanced questioningly at the lump on the couch, but said nothing until the two of them had reached the kitchen. Shikamaru closed the door quietly, glancing at Hinata.

"Is he not feeling well?" HInata asked, referring to Kabuto.

"Eh…" Shikamaru shrugged one shoulder. "I was going to make him breakfast. But, uh…"

Hinata glanced at the clock. "It's nearly noon…"

"All right, how about lunch, then?" Shikamaru retorted irritably.

Hinata stood for a moment, tapping the tips of her index fingers together. "Would you like some help?"

"That would be nice, since I have no clue how to make anything except instant ramen and onigiri," Shikamaru explained, "And Kabuto… well, he's a bit more picky than I am."

Hinata nodded absently. "Does he like seafood?"

"I don't really have any food in the house," Shikamaru explained. "And, well, I'm a bit short of cash… Isn't there a way to make a cheap breakfast?"

Hinata smiled. "Well, I have an idea…"

Shikamaru nodded. "What is it?"

"I can buy the ingredients you need," Hinata suggested. "What do you want to make?"

"Um…" Shikamaru shrugged. "What do _you_ think he would like?"

Hinata considered this for a moment. "Well, I like sukiyaki, or hotpot, or…"

"Those all sound like a lot of work…" Shikamaru frowned slightly.

"But I'll be here to help," Hinata reminded him. "How about sukiyaki?"

Shikamaru shrugged. "If you can make it, I'm okay with it."

Hinata nodded. "So let's see, we'll need…"

* * *

Kabuto awoke to the scent of something that was most definitely _not_ instant ramen or onigiri. He blinked slowly, uncurling himself and pulling the blankets away from his head.

"Good afternoon," Shikamaru said cheerily, poking his head in the room.

Kabuto resisted an urge to bury his head under the blankets once more. For someone who claimed to not be a morning person, he seemed awfully cheerful. Then Kabuto recalled that Shikamaru had said "good afternoon"… had he really slept that long? Shikamaru must have been really quiet… Gratefully, Kabuto squirmed into an upright position, rearranging his blankets to rest on his legs. He really didn't feel like getting up yet, but he wasn't willing to lie on his back with the covers pulled up to his chin like an invalid, either.

A moment later, Shikamaru poked his head in the room a second time. "You're up, now?"

Kabuto blinked once as if to say, "_What do you think?_"

Shikamaru returned to the kitchen without a sound. "_I think he's grumpy,_" he whispered to Hinata.

"I heard that," Kabuto called from the front room.

Shikamaru made a _"see what I mean?_" face at Hinata, who giggled.

Kabuto frowned. That giggle did _not_ sound like Shikamaru. Was someone else in the house? He vaguely recalled hearing a knock on the door, and someone may have entered the house, but he hadn't realized they would stick around.

"Are you hungry?" Shikamaru's voice called from within the kitchen, bringing Kabuto's thoughts back to the appetizing aroma wafting from the direction of the kitchen.

He blinked a few times, wondering what Shikamaru had been concocting in the kitchen, and whether he felt brave enough to chance a bout of food poisoning. But it did smell good… "I guess so," he called back.

Instead of Shikamaru, Hinata poked her head out of the kitchen next. "Um, Kabuto-senpai, do you want a big serving or a little serving?"

Kabuto considered this for a moment. "A little, I guess…"

Hinata nodded slightly, retreating to the kitchen.

Shikamaru poked his head out of the kitchen. "Come on Kabuto, Hinata worked really hard to prepare this, and she made a lot, so just eat it already!"

Oh. So Shikamaru _hadn't_ made it. Well then. Kabuto figured that food poisoning was no longer an imminent danger. "I guess I'll have a big serving, then…"

Inside the kitchen, Hinata blushed. "You didn't have to tell him that _I_ made it, Shikamaru. You helped."

"Yeah, I opened the shoyu and helped you slice the beef. Big whoop. Besides, he's bound to eat more if _you_ made it. He's seen _my_ cooking skills at work and is probably scarred for life…"

"You bet I am," Kabuto called from the front room.

Shikamaru gestured in the direction of the door. "See?"

Hinata just laughed, serving up some of the sukiyaki. "You two are adorable."

"Hinata-chan," came the warning tone from the front room, "Are you implying that Shikamaru and I are gay… again?"

Hinata blushed profusely. "N-n-n-no, Kabuto-senpai, I, I was just saying that…"

"Oh stuff it, Hinata, we get the point." Shikamaru scowled. "And Kabuto, what is it with you and just assuming that everyone thinks you're gay, anyway? I mean, it's not like you're a cross dresser."

Kabuto sighed loudly. "I'll have you know that half of Konoha seems taken with the notion that I was gay for Orochimaru."

Shikamaru cringed.

Hinata frowned slightly, puzzled. "Really? Why?"

"Eh… never mind," Kabuto said after a moment of awkward silence.

Shikamaru sighed. "Here Hinata, you can take him the food," he said, handing her a tray. "Careful of the tea. Don't let it spill…"

Hinata blinked once. "I don't usually let tea spil when I carry trays. Is there something particular about this cup that makes it easier to spill?"

"Maybe I'm just a clutz," Shikamaru mused.

"Ding, ding, ding, you win the prize," Kabuto snorted from the other room.

Hinata beamed. "You see? You two are adorable!"

Kabuto sighed. "Great. Just what I always wanted to be: adorable."

Hinata frowned slightly, coming through the doorway. "What's wrong with being adorable? People say I'm adorable… is that a bad thing?"

Kabuto sighed, face palming. "It's not bad for a _girl_ to be adorable…"

"Oh, but since you're a boy and you don't want to be seen as homosexual, you don't want to be called adorable," Hinata mused, handing him the tray. "I hope you like sukiyaki," she added as an afterthought.

"I do. Thank you," he said, accepting the food with a slight smile.

"Finally, something he likes," Shikamaru crabbed, exiting the kitchen and lugging a card table into the middle of the room. "Why don't you and I eat out here with Kabuto, Hinata?" he suggested, popping out the legs and righting the table.

"Do you mind, Kabuto-senpai?" Hinata asked, once more tapping her index fingers.

"Wait, what the-? Hinata, this is my house! Not his!" Shikamaru protested.

"Well, you suggested it, so I didn't think you would mind," Hinata explained pensively. "Do you mind?"

Shikamaru scowled. "Oh, never mind," he grumbled, heading back into the kitchen to fetch the sukiyaki and tea. "Does his highness need anything else? A napkin, maybe a foot massage?"

Kabuto frowned, about to speak when Hinata interrupted.

"Shikamaru, that's rude," Hinata chided him. "Kabuto-senpai didn't do anything. I think you owe him an apology."

There was a large clatter from the kitchen. "WHAT?" and then, "Crap! The food's all on the floor…"

Hinata was back to tapping her index fingers. "Shikamaru? Maybe you should get out of the kitchen…"

* * *

A/N: I have multiple points to make, so I shall list them to keep myself organized.

1. Sorry about the long wait, FF apparently felt like it was high time for me to suffer from an error. For about a week and a half or more. I kind of stopped checking because it was making me irritable.

2. _Bromance_ is not _romance_. I've had a few reviewers express concern because they think this fic is going to end up with a pairing between Shikamaru and Kabuto. I am here to allay your fears. I don't do slash. I don't touch it, ever. I don't read it, write it, or even enjoy it. So there you have it. No slash. ^_^ 'kay?

3. I'm starting to run low on chapters, so if I suddenly disappear within the next five chapters, it's because I've finally run out of pre-written stuff, okay? Okay. I hope to get together with Midnight Anime Angel soon and get something underway, but don't quote me.

That's all for the list. THANK YOU SO MUCH FAITHFUL REVIEWERS, and don't ever feel bad about asking me questions about pairings, what I'm planning on doing with the fic, etc. If you are confused, it is my duty as an author to ensure that you do not remain in a state of confusion. Of course, if the answer happens to be coming within the next few chapters, I might just tell you to be patient.

Anyway, thanks for your support! ^_^


	16. Confusion and Kindness

_"A part of kindness consists in loving people more than they deserve."_ ~ Joseph Joubert

* * *

**Chapter 15: Confusion and Kindness**

Kabuto was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling, thinking. It was official. Konoha was insane. Bats. Bonkers. First they torture him, then they apologize to him, then they drag him in for questioning, and then pamper him by taking him out to sushi and feeding him sukiyaki. It must be a ploy, he decided. They were trying to confuse him mightily.

It was certainly working.

Just then, Shikamaru poked his head into the room. "I need to go out for awhile," he told Kabuto, gathering up the tray of food that Kabuto had wolfed down. "And, uh… you can't come with me."

Kabuto blinked. "So? You going to throw me in some jail cell someplace?"

"Um, actually, I arranged for Hinata to hang out here and watch you," Shikamaru replied, retreating to the kitchen and tossing the dishes in the sink. "I'll only be gone for an hour or so, so… be nice, okay?"

Kabuto frowned. "Me? Nice? What is this 'nice' you speak of?"

"Yeah, that's what I figured you'd say. I gotta go. Don't get into trouble, okay?" Shikamaru waved dismissively, leaving the house.

Kabuto sighed, and continued to stare at the ceiling. It was so strange, how kindly Konoha was treating him. Granted, he wasn't trusted and he was a recovering patient. Then again, if Shikamaru was leaving him with Hinata, he must have at least decided that Kabuto wasn't going to try and escape.

Kabuto scowled. The Akatsuki wasn't this kind to prisoners, and Orochimaru hadn't been much better. So why would Konoha be so different? He wasn't banking on their so-called _'niceness_'. It was all superficial. Everyone had some darkness inside, and when faced with an enemy, those cruel ideas and intents that were locked away inside often surfaced. He should know. He'd done plenty of things to prisoners himself. He knew the ropes.

So why would these Konoha-nin _pretend_ that they cared about him? They'd never cared. Not even when he'd still been young and innocent. So why, now that he was an enemy, did they make an effort to connect with him?

It didn't make sense… was it a psychological ploy to lower his defenses? He'd hoped that Konoha would be more clever than _that_. But Kabuto couldn't see any other reason for their 'kindness'.

"Anou, Kabuto-senpai?" Hinata murmured, moving into the front room from the kitchen where she'd been cleaning up Shikamaru's mess.

Kabuto turned his head, glancing at her. "Yes?"

"Did you get enough to eat?" she asked, fingers tapping away. "I could make you more, if…"

"I've had enough, thank you," Kabuto replied.

"Oh, well, is there anything else you want?" Hinata asked, glancing at him.

"Why? What do you care if I do want something? What are you trying to pull here, anyway?" Kabuto demanded, sitting bolt upright and pinning her down with a harsh glare.

Hinata stared back at him, her gaze unwavering. "You're a person. Isn't that reason enough?"

"Of course not," Kabuto snapped. "Please, nobody's that stupid."

Hinata frowned slightly, here eyes still boring into Kabuto. "What's stupid about it?" she asked quietly, a hint of steel to her tone.

Kabuto blinked, slightly surprised. "I'm an _enemy_," he reminded her.

Hinata shrugged. "What does that have to do with whether or not you're a person?"

Kabuto blinked again, not quite sure how to respond. "Ah…" he frowned. "Well what about all the 'persons' that I've killed? Doesn't that affect how you feel about me? Don't their lives mean anything to you?"

Hinata frowned slightly. "I may be saddened by their loss, but I can't imagine that hurting you would bring them back…"

Kabuto frowned. "Ever heard of vengeance?"

Hinata shrugged. "I don't agree with it, but I've heard of it."

Kabuto blinked. "I'm going to guess that you and Sasuke didn't run in the same circles…"

Hinata shrugged. "Not really."

"Uh-huh, I thought as much," Kabuto mused.

"Ino was more in his league," Hinata explained.

"What a surprise," Kabuto snorted.

Hinata shrugged. "Why do you think everyone should hurt you, Kabuto-senpai? Do you feel guilty? Do you think you need to atone for what you've done?"

"Of course not!" Kabuto spat. "I just don't understand you people."

"What don't you understand?" Hinata asked, frowning slightly.

"Your niceness!" Kabuto exploded. "I just don't understand how you can be so kind to everyone. It doesn't make sense. It shouldn't happen, but you're kind anyway! Why?"

Hinata stared at Kabuto, her face sad. After a moment, she responded simply. "Why _not_?"

* * *

Shikamaru returned to the unusual sight of Kabuto…washing dishes…in an apron. A _frilly_ apron. "Um…" he said slowly.

"Don't. Say. A. Word," Kabuto snarled, glancing up from the sink, where he was furiously scrubbing a plate with crusted food on it. "And when was the last time you washed these dishes?"

Shikamaru blinked, trying to remember. Unable to do so, he turned to Hinata. "How did you get him to help you?"

Hinata blinked slowly, wiping down some silverware with a dishtowel. "I asked."

"And I suppose that's how you got him into the apron, too?" Shikamaru prompted, receiving a withering glare from the white-haired shinobi.

"Well, that actually took a bit of discussion," Hinata admitted, stowing the silverware in their proper drawer and picking up the plate that Kabuto had just deposited into the dish drainer. "See, I asked him to help, but I didn't want him to get his clothes wet, because then they would need to be dried. And that would be a long time for him to not wear his clothes, right? I thought it might be a bit awkward…don't you think?" she smiled innocently.

"There is no arguing with a Hyuuga," Kabuto grumbled, scrubbing at a teacup. "It's a waste of breath."

Shikamaru felt his jaw go slack for a moment. He shook his head at Hinata. "I can't believe you got him into a purple apron. Though it does bring out the…eh…black…in your eyes," he added, smirking at Kabuto.

"Keep talking," Kabuto snarled, swiping his sponge over a steak knife. "Then I'll know where to throw this."

Shikamaru blanched. "Hinata! You let him near the knives?"

"Well didn't you, when you let him make curry?" Hinata asked, sounding confused. "I thought it would be all right…"

"See? No arguing with a Hyuuga." Kabuto sneered over his shoulder at the dumbounded Shikamaru. "Better shut up now before she finds you a _pink_ one…"

Shikamaru swallowed nervously. "Um, I'm no good in the kitchen, and-"

"We know," Kabuto interrupted conversationally.

"AND," Shikamaru repeated himself loudly, ignoring the comment, "It's a bother to do all this washing, so I think I'll go… read something."

"Actually, Shikamaru, I would really appreciate it if you would take out the trash," Hinata said sweetly, putting away a teacup. "After all, Kabuto is still recovering from a debilitating surgery and can't be expected to do _everything_, right?"

Shikamaru scowled, feeling cornered. "I should have stayed in the living room," he grumbled, gathering up the trash bag and lugging it outside.

"You know," Hinata murmured, peering through Shikamaru's fridge on her way back from a cupboard, "There are no fruits or vegetables in here. Or meat. or eggs. Or fish. Or milk. There is a turnip, though."

"Oh joy. I can't wait for dinner," Kabuto drawled, scouring a pot with ferocity.

Hinata frowned, moving for the door. "This won't do. Shikamaru?"

Kabuto heard her soft footsteps trail in the direction Shikamaru had taken moments earlier. The front door clicked shut a second or two later. He stood in the kitchen for forty-five seconds, wiping at the same plate, even though it was already clean, straining his ears to hear what was going on outside. He could hear nothing, but after a minute had passed, the door reopened and Hinata returned to the kitchen. "Shikamaru's out shopping. He'll be back in a little while."

Kabuto blinked. "You got him to go _shopping_? How?"

Hinata smiled sweetly. "I have my ways…"

Kabuto frowned. He had the feeling that there was a lot more to this mild-mannered girl than first appeared. He would do well to keep a close eye on her…

* * *

The doorbell rang about twenty minutes later. Kabuto blinked in surprise from his position, reclining in the kitchen doorway. "That was fast. What did you send him for, instant ramen?"

"Of course not," Hinata said, frowning slightly. "There were at least fifteen ingredients on my list…"

Kabuto considered that. "Perhaps he enlisted some help," he mused, glancing over at Hinata, who was sitting on the couch and nursing a steaming cup of tea.

The doorbell rang again.

"Maybe he needs help carrying the groceries in," Hinata suggested from the couch.

Kabuto shrugged. "Perhaps."

Hinata continued to stare at him with an unblinking gaze.

He stared right back at her, unwilling to let her win this time.

She blinked, appearing slightly saddened. "Would you please help him?"

"Why?" Kabuto replied, folding his arms and leveling his gaze. "I just washed his dishes."

Hinata sighed slightly, sounding disappointed. "I'll get it, then," she said, standing and moving across the room to open the door. "Yes?…oh…"

Kabuto glanced over at the door, his eyes catching sight of two ANBU officers, who seemed remotely surprised to see Hyuuga Hinata answering the door instead of Nara Shikamaru.

"Ah. So he's scared off Shikamaru already?" the first officer drawled. The second elbowed him.

Hinata frowned. "No, I just sent him to go get groceries…"

"I see," the first ANBU officer replied, nodding. "We're here to collect Yakushi Kabuto for his next interrogation session."

_Why am I not surprised_? Kabuto wondered dryly, straightening up and moving over to the door.

"What?" Hinata frowned. "But he was there yesterday."

"Yes, and he will probably be called in for another session tomorrow," the second ANBU informed her coldly. This time it was the first ANBU who elbowed the second ANBU.

Kabuto couldn't help but find their antics on the same intellectual level of a two-year-old's. He rolled his eyes.

"But he's recovering," Hinata said slowly, still sounding slightly baffled. "He shouldn't undergo strenuous…"

"Sorry Hyuuga-chan," the first ANBU said, shrugging. "We don't give the orders, we just carry them out."

Kabuto blinked. 'Hyuuga-chan'? That was a new one…

"Well… all right…" Hinata murmured, still frowning. "I'll come with you, though."

The second ANBU stiffened. "You are not permitted to enter the-"

"I know that," Hinata interjected. "I'll wait outside. I can help him walk over there so he doesn't over-exert himself."

The second ANBU sighed. "If you insist. Come along, Yakushi."

Kabuto sighed in a faux-dramatic way. "What, not even an honorific?"

"Let's go, Kabu-chan," the first ANBU sniggered.

"Then again… I think I preferred 'Yakushi'…" Kabuto muttered.

* * *

A/N: Midnight Anime Angel reminded me that I need to update this. Plus, she's really looking forward to the reactions people will have regarding the next chapter or two. Sorry to take so long... but hey, enjoy. The story is finally starting to go somewhere (As of the next chapter or so), and it's taking a lot longer to develop than I thought.

Still... yoroshiku onegai shimasu~

...and don't hate me for being a lazy updater. I really need to get online more. But hey, school's over, so expect more updates. (Yeah right. I probably update even less during the summer... meh.)


	17. Putting the T in T&I

_"I assess the power of a will by how much resistance, pain, torture it endures and knows how to turn to its advantage."_ ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

* * *

**Chapter 16: Putting the "T" in T&I**

Ibiki was waiting outside the interrogations office with a dangerous smirk on his face. "Ah, Yakushi, back for another day, eh?"

"Oh yes, I'm thrilled," Kabuto retorted, leaning heavily on Hinata's shoulder. He really should have sat on the couch when he'd had the chance… "Been looking forward to it all day. Do you want to know about the Akatsuki's dental plan, or their health insurance today?"

Ibiki sneered. "I thought we might discuss stairs again."

"Oh really? Like what? Ideal stairs are not too steep, nor too long. They don't go more than three stories up, I've heard some people like marble steps, but I prefer cherry wood with carpeting to soften the blows that accost one's body when they tumble down said stairs. What do you think?"

The first ANBU leaned over to the second. "I think he's nuts."

The second ANBU sighed. "No one asked what _you_ thought."

Hinata was eyeing Kabuto with a thoughtful expression.

"Well then, shall we?" Ibiki asked, gesturing in the direction of the interrogation chamber.

"I don't see why not," Kabuto replied, smirking.

Kabuto was once again shackled to a table and generally irritating his interrogator. So far, he'd told Ibiki all about the weather forecasting system that the akatsuki had, their dental plan, their health insurance, their paid vacation days, and their unforutnate appreciation for Twinkies. None of these were true, of course, but it was keeping Kabuto entertained and slowly wearing through Ibiki's patience.

Finally, Ibiki decided he'd had enough. "That's it, kid," he scowled, rising to his feet. "We're transferring to a different location."

"Ooh, a beach house?" Kabuto quipped, rising unsteadily to his feet.

"Not quite," Ibiki replied. "Though you'll get your fill of water, I daresay."

Kabuto frowned slightly. "What?"

Ibiki sneered. "Just come along, Yakushi. You'll know soon enough."

Kabuto followed, flanked by two different ANBU who were waiting just outside the door. The one on the right offered Kabuto an arm when the former missing-nin stumbled. Slowly they moved down a dimly lit corridor, and then…

"Ah, stairs. My favorite," Kabuto drawled, still leaning on the ANBU. "Where are we headed? The dungeon? Let me guess, the rack. Or no, the iron maiden. Or are you going to have the rats eat me?"

"No, we were just planning on throwing you down the steps," Ibiki retorted.

Kabuto shrugged. "Go ahead, then."

Ibiki ignored him and started down the steps. The two ANBU, along with Kabuto, followed.

"Aww, and I was really looking forward to falling down these steep, slick, dirty steps," Kabuto snorted as they reached the bottom of the staircase.

Ibiki ignored him again, moving off down the hallway. After making a few turns, he paused at a door. "You'll want to be taking off your clothes," he told Kabuto calmly.

Kabuto blinked. "What?"

Ibiki just stared at him, waiting.

Kabuto frowned. "What do you mean?"

"If you want your clothes for later, you'd be wise to leave them here," Ibiki explained after a moment, raising an eyebrow.

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Kabuto muttered, stripping down to his boxers. "Is it just me or is it cold in here?"

"It's just you," Ibiki replied dismissively. "Let's go."

"Go where?" Kabuto asked.

Ibiki unlocked the door and pushed it open. "In here," he said.

Kabuto moved into the room cautiously, not sure what to expect. In one corner of the room was a wash basin of sorts, with a sink, some towels, and a watering can. In the opposite corner was a cot, though it seemed to be horizontally challenged. It was tilted in such a way that one end was much nearer to the ground than the other end. The cot was equipped with restraints, and appeared very sturdy. The room itself was dingy and dark. A lone light bulb flickered in the middle of the ceiling, and spidery cracks were crawling across the walls, roof, and floor.

"Sit down," Ibiki ordered, gesturing in the direction of the cot.

Cautiously, Kabuto approached the cot and sat down, though it was awkward, sitting on an incline. "Now what?" he asked.

"Lay down," Ibiki answered, moving across the room and filling the watering can. "You two, make yourselves useful and find me another can or something," he told the ANBU officers.

Kabuto lay down, feeling as though he was going to slide off of the cot feet-first.

"Not that way," Ibiki told Kabuto. "Turn around. Your head is supposed to be down."

Kabuto frowned. "I'd rather not. The blood will rush to my head."

"Not my problem," Ibiki said dismissively. "Get settled down. We're going to be here awhile."

The two ANBU officers returned, one lugging a bucket, the other another watering can.

"Perfect," Ibiki murmured, taking the second can and filling it. "Get Yakushi secured."

The ANBU officers approached Kabuto, who was still lying on the cot wrong.

"You need to turn around," one of the officers told him.

Kabuto shrugged. "Make me."

The ANBU officer shrugged and glanced at his fellow ANBU. The two of them grabbed Kabuto and turned him around, securing his wrists, biceps, ankles, knees, abdomen and torso.

"This is a lot of straps for a massage chair," Kabuto piped up. "The Akatsuki only had _three_ restraints."

Ibiki shrugged. "We're not the Akatsuki. They were behind the times."

"Uh-huh," Kabuto sniggered. "Sure." He wasn't yet sure what exactly they were planning on doing to him. He began to run through possible torture methods in his mind that involved watering cans, towels, and slanted cots. It didn't take him long to understand what they were planning.

Just about the time he'd figured it out, Ibiki dropped a wet towel over his face, which was followed by an sudden deluge of water.

_And I didn't even have time to really take a deep breath_, Kabuto thought irritably, holding his breath as the water pressed the towel flat against his face. He tried to suppress the automatic gag reflex, reminding himself that he wasn't _really_ drowning. But alas, reflexes have this nasty habit of not bowing to the whims of the conscious mind. He would have to control his body's impulses.

It would have been a lot easier if he'd had any control over his chakra. As it was, he was struggling to swallow to fight back the choking sensation that took hold, not to mention holding his breath. He realized he'd stiffened, and grew angry that he was already showing Ibiki that his little torture was working. Kabuto realized that nearly forty seconds had passed; the average time for water-boarding sessions was between twenty and forty seconds.

Another ten agonizing seconds passed. Then another ten. By then, Kabuto could feel his chest muscles spasming, and small dots of color were swimming behind his closed eyes. Just when he thought that he was going to pass out, the cascade of water ceased, and the cloth was pulled back.

Kabuto gulped for air, hearing his choking, near-sobs and hating how weak it made him sound. He was in mid-gasp when the cloth dropped down again and the water returned in full force. Still oxygen-deprived from the first seventy-five seconds, Kabuto's throat and chest spasmed painfully, and he found himself thrashing, straining for the breath of air that he knew would only come far later. Each second dragged by like an eternity, and Kabuto found himself nearly swallowing his own tongue, fighting to keep his body under control to no avail.

Ibiki was saying something along the lines of "Intrigue me Kabuto, and I'll stop." In that moment, the cloth lifted again, and Kabuto gasped for breath, though the air seemed to catch in his throat, which was still spasming. He could barely get two halfhearted breaths into his lungs before the towel dropped back over his face and the water resumed pouring over his towel-smothered face. This time, Kabuto's body was so oxygen deprived that he found his body bucking uncontrollably, heaving against his restraints, in a desperate struggle for air. He momentarily lost control over his own mouth, and it sprang open, sucking for air- which, of course, was completely useless and did nothing except pin his mouth open, with a steady stream of water running down into his windpipe. Hacking and wheezing, Kabuto's lungs tried to expell the unwanted liquid, but with the towel still plastered across his features, any effort was entirely futile.

A moment later, the towel was pulled back again. Kabuto couldn't even breathe in, his lungs were too busy spewing up the water he'd inhaled, and when the towel dropped down a moment later, his lungs were empty. Again, his body struggled for air, despite the distinct absence of nitrogen, oxygen, and the various other gases that make up the atmosphere. The towel was pulled back again, and Kabuto choked, expecting a wave of sweet relief, but instead receiving only a trickle of air to his oxygen-starved lungs before the towel dropped back into place.

The process seemed to take forever in the next bout, Kabuto's 'vision' sparking and misting over as his brain began to revert to 'survival' mode. When the towel was pulled away that time, Kabuto's breath wouldn't come at all, only a gargling, choking sound escaped his throat as a dull panic set in. _I can't breathe at all,_ Kabuto dimly realized. _Dry drowning. I'm suffering a laryngospasm. An extremely severe one, at that. They should be hyper-extending my neck and applying 100% oxygen, not throwing the towel back over my face…_

The next half-minute felt every bit as long as the first few sessions. Suddenly, the towel was ripped away from his face.

Again, Kabuto struggled for air, and again, he could not get any air into his lungs.

"I need a medic ninja in here now," Ibiki barked at the ANBU, unfastening the restraints and pulling Kabuto upright.

_Oh yeah, sitting me up is _really_ going to help_, Kabuto thought hazily, body still bucking as his chest and diaphragm struggled for breath.

"Um, there's a bit of a situation at Konoha hospital right now…" one of the ANBU said apologetically.

"I don't care if you have to drag one here kicking and screaming!" Ibiki shot back. "Get the Godaime if you need to! I need a medic!"

"Wait! The Hyuuga girl!" one of the ANBU exclaimed.

"Brilliant! Instead of talking about her, _go get her!_" Ibiki roared.

The two ANBU practically tripped over each other in their hurry to get upstairs. (A once-in-a-lifetime event, to be sure.)

Meanwhile, Ibiki was shouting in Kabuto's face, "Breathe! Breathe!" before letting loose with a string of colorful curses, slapping Kabuto across the face, sending him toppling over. Ibiki lunged forward, catching Kabuto before he hit the floor. He whacked him once on the back for good measure, and that was when Hinata arrived.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Hinata shrieked, barreling into the room, byakugan activated. She shoved Ibiki aside, stretching Kabuto out on the cold stone floor. She ran her hands across his chest, wincing at his erratic heartbeat. She tilted his head back, and focused on his windpipe. The muscles of his larynx were constricted, cutting off nearly all airflow. She was about to get to work when his heart leapt suddenly, then stopped. Working quickly, Hinata managed to restart his heart and get it into a regular, though weak, rhythm. Then she moved on to his windpipe, opening his restricted airway and relaxing his convulsing chest and diaphragm muscles.

Kabuto gasped, choked once, and then panted as air finally reached his aching lungs. His eyes flickered open to a terrifying sight. Hinata was staring down at him, her face contorted into a mask of fury.

"I-it's not…" Kabuto coughed weakly. "My fault…"

Hinata blinked, and the angry mask fell away, replaced by a slightly baffled look. "What?"

Kabuto blinked back. "You…looked…" he trailed off, deciding that breathing was enough work at the present, and he was enjoying the sensation of air in his lungs.

"You'll recover," Hinata decided after a moment. She stood, and her expression morphed back into the look of unadulterated fury as she glanced across the room at Ibiki, who was calmly taking notes on his clipboard. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" she roared, stalking across the room, fists clenched, legs stiff, byakugan activated. "HE COULD HAVE DIED! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED?"

Ibiki shrugged noncommittally, not gracing her with an answer.

Hinata's fury bubbled over at his cavalier attitude, and she struck at him, specifically targeting a sensitive pressure point. Ibiki was able to mostly dodge the blow, but Hinata's gentle fist style managed to cut off the flow of chakra in that area, if nothing else.

Ibiki's eyes grew cold. "Miss Hyuuga. You have attempted to strike a superior officer."

"Yes," Hinata shot back furiously, "I have."

The two ANBU exchanged glances. Kabuto watched their blurs from the floor with puzzled interest. One could practically feel the tension in the air, between the fury radiating from the enraged kunoichi and the ominous warning look from Ibiki.

Kabuto coughed, unable to hold it in. His body jerked slightly, and his head landed on the hard cement with a thunk. "Ow," he mumbled.

Hinata whirled around to face Kabuto. "I'm taking you to Tsunade-sama," she decided, marching over and gripping Kabuto by his right bicep, hoisting him from the floor. She glared at Ibiki. "I'm reporting this matter to her."

"I was planning on doing the same," Ibiki told her dryly, gesturing at his clipboard.

"I meant _in medical terms_," Hinata snarled. "Something you would have been wise to consider before you started this."

Kabuto, meanwhile, was dangling in her grasp, knees buckled and head hanging with his wet and bedraggled hair falling in his face. His bicep was beginning to twinge from her tight grip, and his shoulder wasn't especially happy with the way things were turning out either.

"Goodbye, _Ibiki_," Hinata snarled, whirling and marching from the room…

…dragging Kabuto with her.

She didn't even seem to realize that she was the only reason that he was mobile until she began to ascend the stairs. Kabuto's knees had an unfortunate collision with the first step, which resulted in a grunt of pain from Kabuto. Hinata paused, suddenly remembering that Kabuto had just suffered cardiac arrest and was in no shape to be dragged across Konohagakure. She reached down, hefted him into a fireman's carry of sorts, and once again headed out.

* * *

A/N: I'm only just now realizing that I hate coming up with Chapter titles. It's not enough that I have to title the story itself (which is hard enough when you're a blurt writer and aren't entirely sure where the story is going or how long it will be), but to actually wrack your brains and trying to come up with a title (AND A QUOTE) is a long and arduous process. (At least, that's how it feels, especially when no title really seems to work...)

All that to say, sorry for the very sad excuse for a chapter title. It will probably happen again... meh.

But hey, thanks for reading past the Chapter title, oh faithful readers, and thank you to all of the reviews that I may or may not have replied to due to time constraints. (Yay for graduation season... haha, college is murderous...)

Thanks again folks... and hey, Midnight Anime Angel, this chapter's for you... updated quickly. ^_^


	18. The M in Medic

_"One of the fundamental reasons why so many doctors become cynical and disillusioned is precisely because, when the abstract idealism has worn thin, they are uncertain about the value of the actual lives of the patients they are treating. This is not because they are callous or personally inhuman: it is because they live in and accept a society which is incapable of knowing what a human life is worth." ~_John Berger

* * *

**Chapter 17: The "M" in Medic**  
**(Which, incidentally, has nothing to do with mature content or even this chapter...)**

Hinata bypassed a line that had formed outside of Tsunade-sama's office, dragging Kabuto with her, throwing the door of the hokage's office wide open. "Tsunade-sama!"

Tsunade glanced up from a list of the catastrophic results of widespread power failures that had thrown Konoha hospital into absolute chaos. She massaged her temple, glancing longingly at her long-empty sake bottle. "Yes, Hinata? Is the line gone yet?"

Hinata ignored the question. "Cardiac arrest! Laryngospasms! WATER BOARDING!"

Tsunade blinked rapidly, wondering if maybe she should take matters into her own hands. "I didn't realize Konoha Hospital's situation was so dire!"

"FORGET THE HOSPITAL!" Hinata shrieked. "You allowed for the torture of a recovering surgery patient, and you didn't even bother to make sure Ibiki had a medical team standing by?"

Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "I don't follow you. Do you have someone on your _back_?" she asked, trying to see who it was that Hinata was lugging around.

"Ibiki's methods are inhumane and deplorable! How could you let him do it?" Hinata demanded.

"Do what?" Tsunade asked, frowning.

"He was _waterboarding_ Kabuto-senpai!" Hinata explained, her voice now a bit more on the hysterical side than the furious side.

Tsunade raised an eyebrow, appearing slightly disgruntled. "Oh?"

Hinata nodded vigorously. "I had to restart his heart. He went into cardiac arrest."

Tsunade now appeared _very_ disgruntled. "Oh?"

"Yes!" Hinata shouted.

"Where is he?" Tsunade asked, preparing to head out and check on the very valuable prisoner.

In response, Hinata turned around and allowed Kabuto to slide from her back, landing on the Hokage's desk. Papers scattered, and Kabuto found himself face-to-face with the Hokage… and he was clad in nothing but his boxers. The Hokage was instantly all business. "All right, Hinata, go on outside now," she told her, gesturing in the direction of the door.

Hinata scowled, shaking her head vigorously. "No! I'm staying!"

Tsunade blinked in surprise. "Excuse me?"

"I'm staying!" Hinata repeated herself.

Tsunade shot her a look. "Go outside, cool off. Calm down. _Breathe_, Hinata-chan."

Hinata shook her head stubbornly. "Not until you promise to punish Ibiki!"

Kabuto nearly lost it at that. "For what?" he barked, before nearly hacking up a lung.

Tsunade turned Kabuto on his side and allowed a trickle of water to escape his mouth as he wheezed, wincing at the stabbing pain in his lungs. Then Tsunade returned her attention to Hinata. "Ibiki will be appropriately dealt with, Hinata, you can be sure of that."

Hinata didn't appear entirely convinced, but finally nodded slightly and left the room, saying: "I'll be outside whenever you're finished, Tsunade-sama."

Tsunade eyed Kabuto with detached interest. "So, two days and you've already driven Ibiki to physical torture? I'm surprised."

Kabuto decided to refrain from answering the question in her tone, concentrating on breathing instead, figuring she was probably waiting for Hinata to leave before sending him right back to Ibiki.

Meanwhile, Tsunade laid a glowing hand on his chest and ran a quick diagnostic… she didn't seem particularly pleased. Kabuto wondered if that was because Ibiki hadn't done enough, or if it was simply residual irritation over Hinata's impolite outburst. A moment later, however, Tsunade moved swiftly to the door. "Shizune!" she called, "Get in here! And bring me some sake, while you're at it!"

Shizune appeared in the doorway almost instantly. "Konoha Hospital is in an uproar and you want me to let you get _drunk_?" she shouted back.

_Does no one in Konoha give their superiors the respect they deserve?_ Kabuto wondered absently. _Good grief_.

"Shut up!" Tsunade shot back at Shizune. "I need you to take Yakushi here and fix him up. I'm going to try and handle this Konoha Hospital business, and I wasn't planning on getting drunk, just something to take the edge off this headache!"

"Eeh?" Shizune exclaimed, entering the room, paying no mind to the fact that Kabuto was _still_ sprawled on the Hokage's desk in his underwear. "I thought you said that Ibiki wouldn't use physical force…?"

"Yes, that's what _I_ said, but apparently Ibiki had other ideas," Tsunade said dangerously. "It won't be a mistake he makes twice, I can assure you."

Kabuto blinked in surprise. They were going to heal him? Ibiki was in trouble? But they weren't angry with Kabuto for not succumbing to the torture? Kabuto felt as though his head were swimming; the sensation was only partially due to the oxygen returning to his brain. But as Shizune approached the table, his vision began to fade, and the last thing he saw before losing consciousness was Shizune's concerned face hovering somewhere above him…

* * *

When Kabuto awoke, he was lying on Shikamaru's bed, surrounded by pillows, buried in blankets, and half-wondering if the Chunin had intended to smother Kabuto upon his return. Turning his head slightly, Kabuto caught sight of a vase of daisies perched on the bedside table. He frowned slightly, wondering why Shikamaru would keep flowers in his room, before noticing the tag attached that read: Get well soon! ~Hinata

Groaning slightly, Kabuto managed to wriggle partially upright amidst the sea of pillows and blankets. He sighed, winded by the slight effort he'd made. Scowling, Kabuto realized that he was back to square one in the recovery process and would likely require the blasted wheelchair for another week or two. Kabuto sighed heavily, then winced, clutching at his chest as his lungs twinged slightly. It seemed that Shizune had paid greater attention to his heart than his lungs, as lungs were not as vital. It made sense, especially considering that she had probably been desperately needed at Konoha Hospital. In fact, Kabuto wasn't sure why they'd bothered to heal him at all, since he was just going back to Ibiki within the next week or so.

A gentle knock sounded on the door, and Hinata peeked in slowly. "Kabuto-senpai?" she whispered softly. "Are you- oh, you are awake," she murmured, opening the door the rest of the way. "Would you like something to eat or drink? Some broth, or tea, or maybe some rice?"

"Yes please," Kabuto rasped, deciding to keep his answer as concise as possible.

"Tea?" Hinata asked.

Kabuto nodded.

"Broth?"

Again, Kabuto nodded.

"Rice?"

Kabuto shook his head. His throat hurt, and he didn't feel like trying to swallow non-liquids.

Hinata nodded, acknowledging his request before carefully closing the door. Kabuto reclined back on the pillows, breathing slowly. Hinata was still here? He'd figured that she'd headed home not long after leaving the Hokage's office, but apparently she hadn't. He wondered if she'd been the one to convince Shikamaru to relinquish his bed. A moment later, Hinata re-entered with a tray, carrying a cup of green tea and a small bowl of steaming broth.

"Would you like some help eating?" she asked Kabuto.

The thought of being so helpless that he needed her to feed him the broth was detestable. "I'm fine," he whispered, his voice scratchy and higher pitched. Ugh. Even speaking, he sounded completely helpless and useless. It was so infuriating, to be helpless again!

Hinata nodded swiftly, recognizing the former missing-nin's need for at least a small semblance of autonomy. "Here," she murmured, handing him the tea first. "Start with this."

Kabuto nodded slowly, accepting the tea. "Thank you," he murmured hoarsely.

"Don't try and talk," she urged. "It's all right."

Kabuto nodded, and slowly sipped the tea.

The door opened once more. "So, I heard that Ibiki was given a severe talking-to," Shikamaru said, entering the bedroom. "Oh good, you're awake. How do you feel?"

"Don't make him talk," Hinata told Shikamaru, glancing at Kabuto protectively.

It turned Kabuto's stomach to be "_protected"_ from something as simple as speaking.

Shikamaru made a gesture of surrender. "Okay, okay, don't send the ANBU after me, it was just a question…"

Hinata shrugged, sinking down onto the end of the bed, while Shikamaru reclined against the doorframe. "Sorry, I'm still a little tense. It really scared me, seeing Kabuto-senpai like that."

_Oh, great_. Kabuto thought irritably. _I'm never going to live this down. She's going to see me as "the guy who almost died within the first fifteen minutes of water boarding" for the rest of my life now… Not that I have much of my life left anyway, but still… _

Shikamaru frowned. "I should have been there."

"I sent you shopping, it wasn't your fault," Hinata assured him.

"Yeah, but maybe I could have…"

"What, freaked out? It's not like you're a medic, Shika-kun."

Shikamaru shrugged in answer. "He was my responsibility, Hinata. And this is the second time he's gotten hurt on my watch."

"It won't be the last," Kabuto rasped. "Duh."

"You shouldn't talk right now," Hinata chided him gently. "Just rest."

Kabuto blinked once, manifesting a look of pure disgust at the thought of being restricted to the bed.

"Oh, he looks thrilled to hear that," Shikamaru commented. "Look, kabuto, I'll make you a deal. You stay here and get rest, and when you get better, I'll take you out to that sushi bar again. And you can eat all the expensive rolls you want. I won't count them… until the check comes…"

Hinata frowned. "Why not take him to a sushi restaurant?"

"Do I _look_ like I'm made of money?" Shikamaru demanded.

"How about if I chip in some and join you?" Hinata asked.

"In other words, you'll treat?" Shikamaru reworded her offer. "At least, that's what it sounds like you're saying."

Hinata nodded rapidly, tapping her forefingers together. "If that's all right with you…"

Shikamaru shrugged, glancing at Kabuto. "We have a deal?"

Kabuto rolled his eyes, then nodded.

* * *

A/N: I am a failure when it comes to updating! Gyaaaah!

I never intended for this to happen! I always get so angry at Fanfic authors who put stories on hiatus without warning people, and then suddenly I turned into one of those people! *bows repeatedly* I BEG FORGIVENESS! I could blame college, I could blame life, I could blame other extenuating circumstances, but mostly it's just me. I have had this stuff written forever and I just haven't remembered to update. I've written more in the story but haven't updated. I don't know what I was thinking! I really have no excuse whatsoever. I apologize profusely for making people wait so long for me to get my act together.

Then again, you weren't reading this just to hear me mope around and bash myself. Sooo, just know that there are more chapters to follow. I'll just have to blame college and my severe thoughtlessness for not posting this sooner. Hopefully I still have readers who even care about what happens- rest assured, much more is written and there will be more to follow! Sorry it took so long, and I'll try to prevent this from happening again...

* * *

A/A/N (Additional Author Note):

Ahahahahaha, you guys crack me up too much. Today's chapter title made me laugh, and I actually fell in love with this quote when I found it. I think it speaks towards how Kabuto's become so deadened to the value of human life that he no longer finds any reason for anyone to value any life, especially the life of an enemy. Again I say: I love this quote. Also, kudos to ylfrettub for helping me figure out the title for this chapter, and I hope it got a laugh from someone besides me. So help me out here folks. If the title doesn't really have anything to do with the chapter and "M" doesn't stand for mature content, then what DOES the "M" stand for? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

If you still feel like reviewing after waiting so long for this chapter, feel free to share your thoughts on the matter...


	19. Sushi and Ibiki

_"I could eat my body weight in sushi."_ ~Mikey Way

* * *

**Chapter 18: Sushi and Ibiki**

Kabuto glanced at the sushi restraunt and turned to Shikamaru. "This is where we're going?" he asked, surprised. He'd never been in such an establishment, but it appeared that Hinata had reserved the restaurant- yes, the _restaurant_. The sushi restaurant happened to be the sort of establishment where high-class officials would take distinguished guests out to eat, the kind of restaurant where each guest was catered to by a master chef- a restraunt that only served one dinner party per night.

Kabuto never thought that he would be fortunate enough to visit a restaurant of this caliber, and to think that he would be going with two of his _enemies_ was more surprising than he had expected. He felt… overwhelmed. And a bit out of place, despite the fact that Hinata had assured both he and Shikamaru that they looked "dashing," something Kabuto had never before been called in his lifetime. The three of them were dressed in formal kimono. Hinata's kimono consisted of elegant layers of lavender and cream-colored cloth, Shikamaru in layers of brown and dark green, and Kabuto in lavender and white. Not his personal favorite colors, but he hadn't had much of a choice in the matter- Hinata had "borrowed" the kimono from Hyuuga Neji for him, and it's not polite to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Hinata paused just outside the restaurant, shuffling awkwardly.

Shikamaru looked bored. "So? What are we waiting out here for?"

Kabuto elbowed Shikamaru's thigh, which just happened to be at elbow-level, since he was once again confined to a wheelchair.

"Ow! What was that for?" Shikamaru demanded irritably.

"Don't be rude," Kabuto snapped. "She's the hostess. Don't question her judgment, it reflects poorly on your character and the actions of the hostess."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "Fine, whatever. Why are we here?"

Hinata frowned. " To eat dinner…"

"No, I mean outside," Shikamaru clarified, gracefully dodging Kabuto's elbow.

"Oh, that," Hinata said. "We're waiting for Tenten, of course."

"Tenten?" Shikamaru repeated, frowning slightly. "What for?"

"You didn't think I would go to dinner with two men all by myself, did you?" Hinata asked, sounding positively scandalized.

Kabuto gave Shikamaru a "no duh" look. Shikamaru responded by rolling his eyes. "How troublesome."

"You better not be calling _me_ troublesome, Nara."

Kabuto resisted the urge to facepalm. What was it with Konoha and being so _rude?_ Though he had to admit Shikamaru had probably deserved that snide comment.

"So this is the invalid," Tenten drawled, hands on her hips, her right hip cocked higher than her left. Her head was tilted to the right, and her eyes glinted. She was also wearing a formal kimono, its color scheme one of varied red shades and gold highlights.

Kabuto scowled. "Yes, I'm the invalid. The name's Kabuto. Nice to make your acquaintance."

"Likewise," Tenten replied easily. "The name's Tenten."

"Can we go eat now?" Shikamaru complained.

"Follow me," Hinata said, leading them into the restaurant.

They were met at the door by a man in a formal kimono, who said, "Welcome, ojo-sama and honored guests. Follow me, please."

The group followed the man to their seats, and were quickly served. Each person had their own chef and waiter, which made Kabuto just a bit uncomfortable. It was odd, having someone hovering over his shoulder at all times. He was used to being relatively isolated, and didn't appreciate having his "personal bubble space" invaded, especially not by a complete stranger.

Meanwhile, Shikamaru seemed _too_ at ease, and seemed to be ignoring over half of the rules of etiquette- though Kabuto suspected that Shikamaru simply couldn't be bothered to _try_ and follow the rules, rather than an ignorance of the rules. He probably found etiquette too "troublesome."

"So what's the occasion?" Tenten asked after a little while, giving Shikamaru a disgusted look when the Chunin stuffed two pieces of nigiri-zushi in his mouth at once.

"Kabuto's finally well enough to get out of the house and back on the couch instead of stealing my bed, that's the occasion," Shikamaru replied with a half-irritable look, though he mostly appeared relieved. Kabuto figured that had more to do with Shikamaru finally getting his bed back and less to do with Kabuto's own general health.

"Oh. I thought it was something important," Tenten said dismissively.

Kabuto just rolled his eyes.

"It is important! Kabuto-senpai almost died-"

"Would you stop bringing that up?" Shikamaru demanded in a pained tone. "It bugs me!"

"I still don't see why," Kabuto drawled.

"That's seconded," Tenten added. "What the heck, Shikamaru? The guy's a prisoner, and he's going to be killed soon anyway- no offense," she added, glancing at Kabuto without a hint of remorse.

"None taken," Kabuto replied easily. _At least someone here is willing to live within the boundaries of reality, _he thought, shaking his head slowly.

Hinata looked appalled. "How can you say that, Tenten?"

"Um, because it's _true,_" Tenten offered, raising an eyebrow. "He's a prisoner of war. What do you think we're going to do, coddle him to death?"

"Believe me, they're well on their way to doing just that," Kabuto commented blithely.

Tenten shook her head slightly. "Honestly, I'm surprised the ANBU even let you come out here and do this," she said, gesturing at the restaurant. "It must be that Hyuuga influence or something."

"Who, me?" Hinata inquired innocently. "I just didn't ask them. I assumed it would be all right…"

Shikamaru, Tenten and Kabuto stared at her in mild shock and slight amusement.

Tenten shook her head again. "Hinata-chan, you are one of a kind…"

"One of a crazy kind," Shikamaru muttered. "If the ANBU get mad, I'm _so_ blaming you."

Hinata shrugged. "That's all right. The ANBU are always so kind to me…"

Tenten glanced at Kabuto and muttered, "I was right. It's totally the Hyuuga influence."

"I think it's just her," Kabuto replied in an undertone.

"What was that?" Shikamaru asked, trying to be included in the conversation.

"Nothing," Tenten said quickly. "Just that ANBU don't like many people. Like him," she jerked her head in Kabuto's direction.

"That's just 'cause they didn't want to know that the Akatsuki have a better dental plan than Konoha does," Kabuto scoffed, stone-faced.

Shikamaru blinked. "Wait… what?"

Tenten laughed. "Oh, that's a good one! No wonder Ibiki got mad at you…"

"Oh, I'm sure he wasn't mad," Kabuto said. "His other methods just weren't working, so he moved on to the next tactic."

"But he was so mean!" Hinata exclaimed.

"Yeah, whatever you say. He could have done a _lot_ more than what he did. A _lot_ more." Kabuto shrugged. "He was being nice, if you ask me."

"WHAT?" Shikamaru shrieked, doing his best to disturb the peace. Hinata just shook her head furiously.

Tenten shrugged. "Yeah, you're probably right." Her countenance darkened momentarily. "Speak of the devil…"

Kabuto followed her gaze, catching sight of Ibiki and three ANBU striding towards their table. "Oh look, my ride's here," he quipped, popping some sashimi into his mouth.

"What is _he_ doing here?" Shikamaru growled irritably, shoveling down some of his own sashimi.

"I'm guessing he's here for our favorite prisoner," Tenten said with a _no duh_ look.

"Since when was I the _favorite_?" Kabuto asked. "Don't I get an award for that?"

"Yeah, a nice stay in our high-security prisons," Tenten shot back.

"Touché," Kabuto acknowledged with a slight nod of his head.

By this time, Ibiki had reached their table. "Yakushi."

Kabuto glanced up. "Morino."

Ibiki looked taken aback. "Let's go, Kabuto."

"Yeah, whatever, _Ibiki_." Kabuto replied, stressing the man's name to emphasize the lack of honorific.

"You can't take him again!" Shikamaru proclaimed with his mouth half-full. "The Hokage told me that-"

"An associate of mine has taken over Yakushi's case," Ibiki interrupted, leveling his gaze in Shikamaru's direction. "I just had some time on my hands."

"Yeah, either that or he just couldn't stand the thought of never seeing me again," Kabuto smirked.

Ibiki spared a glance in Kabuto's direction. "You wish," he said coldly.

"Not particularly," Kabuto replied.

"Is this how _all_ of your interrogations went? And if so, did you _record _them? This is high-class comedy," Tenten commented, watching with undisguised amusement as she munched on her own sushi appreciatively. Shikamaru and Hinata glanced at her in consternation. "What?" she said defensively, "It is!"

Ibiki rolled his eyes. "Much as I've enjoyed this conversation, we need to get going."

Kabuto quickly popped another piece of sashimi in his mouth, rolling it around his mouth for a moment, savoring the flavor before scooting his wheelchair away from the table. "Lead on," he directed. "And, uh, you might want to get someone to push me around unless you're planning on taking frequent breaks."

Ibiki gripped the wheelchair, rolling his eyes. "I don't have time to babysit you, kid. I'm just doing this as a favor for Takeshi-san."

Kabuto shrugged in response.

"I hope Takeshi-san does a better job than you did," Shikamaru muttered to himself.

Ibiki glanced at him and sneered. "Don't count on it."

Tenten elbowed Shikamaru. "Shut up, idiot."

Shikamaru scowled and shoved some more food in his mouth, watching Ibiki with distrust.

"Anou, Ibiki-san," Hinata said tentatively as Ibiki began to move away from the table.

Ibiki paused, glancing at Hinata. "Yes?"

"Please don't let him get hurt again," she said quietly.

Tenten rolled her eyes and made a disgusted sound. "I don't understand you people…"

Kabuto had to agree.

* * *

A/N: ...I feel like every other quote is about food these days... perhaps I'm trying to tell myself something? Ah well.

I'm starting to get close to running out of pre-written chapters... Oh no! Whatever shall I do? (Running off and writing with MidnightAnimeAngel would be a good start...)


	20. Reassigned

_"Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers."_ ~Tony Robbin

* * *

**Chapter 19: Reassigned**

"Yakushi…Kabuto," A tall, slender man said coldly, sliding into the seat opposite Kabuto. His dark, shoulder-length hair was greasy and unkempt, but his gray eyes glinted like knives. "You have information for us, I hear."

Kabuto shrugged, about the only movement possible with his arms, legs, torso and forehead restrained.

Ishikawa Takeshi pulled out a very thick file and began flipping through it calmly. Kabuto thought that was pretty unprofessional of him. Takeshi must be really unprepared… he hadn't even bothered to memorize the entire file before coming in to interrogate him. Kabuto himself had always memorized every detail he could regarding his prisoners before interrogations. It was a little frustrating to be interrogated by an amateur. At least Ibiki had been prepared.

"Yo, Takeshi, I'm here, not in your little pile of papers," Kabuto snapped irritably.

Takeshi glanced up, appearing confused for a moment before scowling. "Don't get smart with me, Yakushi."

"That's a good idea, Ishikawa. After all, you wouldn't be able to follow along if I did."

Takeshi blinked in surprise. "Excuse me?" He wondered why Ibiki had said the young man was a bit snippy, but fairly polite compared to most prisoners. Then again, at least the boy wasn't swearing at him. …Yet. Additionally, he hadn't had the chance to interrogate too many valuable prisoners, such as this boy. Perhaps the valuable prisoners were less easy to get along with…? Shrugging, Takeshi raked his eyes across the file. For a young fellow, this guy had certainly seen it all… Akatsuki, Orochimaru, espionage, necrophilia… Takeshi shook his head. This kid was seriously messed up.

"Hey. _Hey._ Are you going to ask me questions or just bore me to death?"

It was hard to concentrate on the file when the stupid kid wouldn't keep his mouth shut. Takeshi glanced at one of the two ANBU who had accompanied him. "Would you gag him, please?"

Kabuto blinked. "Excuse me? I thought you were _interrogating_ me. This is going to work out _soooo_ well."

Takeshi ignored him, but the ANBU exchanged glances. They rather agreed with Kabuto.

"Look, here's an idea. I can give you tips on how to interrogate me, and then you won't be the laughingstock of the entire Konoha interrogations division," Kabuto said loudly, his voice grating on Takeshi's nerves.

"First: memorize my file _before_ you get in here to interrogate me," Kabuto informed him. "Second: get me comfortable. The whole restraints thing doesn't really foster cooperation. Third: Water. I might get thirsty, answering all of your questions. Fourth: _Prepare_ some questions beforehand. Just keep shooting them at me and hope I accidentally let loose with something I should have held back. Fifth: Let me interrogate myself. Just get me rambling about something that's important to me and pay _very close attention_ to what I have to say, you never know what could be valuable information. There's more, but I don't know if your very tiny brain will be able to retain this information, much less any other assistance I might provide."

The ANBU exchanged glances again. Somehow it was disheartening to realize the prisoner was better at interrogating than one of Konoha's interrogations experts.

Takeshi glanced at the ANBU, eyes narrowed. "I said to _gag him_."

"Yeah, that'll work out great," Kabuto snorted before opening his mouth wide and saying "Ahhhhhh" like a little kid at the doctor's office._ I would never have been able to do this with Ibiki,_ Kabuto thought with amusement,_ He keeps a tight reign on the conversation. But this guy's a _joke_!_

The two ANBU exchanged glances for a third time, and one finally shrugged and moved over to Kabuto, swiftly gagging him.

Kabuto winked slowly at the ANBU, then wiggled his eyebrows. The ANBU gave him a disgusted look, then stepped away. Kabuto felt himself grinning. Who knew interrogations could be so fun?

About an hour after that, Takeshi finished reading the file and had Kabuto ungagged. Three hours later, Kabuto's mouth was beginning to get dry. He'd been telling Takeshi _all about_ the Akatsuki's amazing dental plan, and Hidan's chocolate chip cookies (the secret ingredient was bone marrow). Takeshi himself had not appreciated the intel, and had alternated between gagging Kabuto and yelling at him.

When Takeshi wasn't yelling or gagging Kabuto, he was flipping frantically through the file, trying to find something to combat Kabuto's scathing sarcasm, but wasn't having much luck. He also was too flustered to come up with any good questions, and finally sent Kabuto back to Shikamaru, frustrated and defeated.

Kabuto hadn't felt better in years.

* * *

"I just don't understand it!" Takeshi growled, storming into the office of Morino Ibiki. "That kid is aggravating and sly, yet... he won't stop talking! Isn't the first rule of being interrogated _not _to talk?"

"It does take some getting used to," Ibiki drawled, glancing up from his clipboard and raising an eyebrow. "Why are you stomping into my office, Ishikawa-san? Yours is down the hall."

Takeshi stiffened, throwing a glare at Ibiki, who was already back to scanning the paperwork on his clipboard. "That kid is a nightmare!"

"Honestly Ishikawa-san, if you can't handle a 'kid,' what sort of interrogator are you?" Ibiki sneered, not even looking up from his papers.

Takeshi gritted his teeth, not answering.

"Look," Ibiki said after a moment, glancing up from his work, "I don't like you much, but I like Yakushi even less, so I'm going to let you in on a little secret that - had you read your paperwork - you should know, but..." Ibiki smirked. "...we all know that you are lazy, Ishikawa-san."

Takeshi clenched his fists and glanced at the lower right-hand corner of the room, his gaze cutting into the small spiderweb hanging there.

"That being said, Yakushi does possess some weak points that you would do well to take advantage of during your next interrogation session." Ibiki glanced back down at his clipboard. "You see, Yakushi holds a strong grudge against the leadership of this village. I'm still not entirely sure why, which irks me." Ibiki scowled at the last bit. "Additionally, he feels very strongly about Orochimaru."

"I heard he was gay for the Sannin," Takeshi sneered. "I'll be sure to-"

"You're a fool," Ibiki interrupted. "Any idiot could see Yakushi felt nothing of that sort towards his master. It's something else."

Takeshi frowned. "What, then?"

Ibiki shrugged one shoulder. "Devotion, adoration... gratefulness...love of a platonic sort, perhaps. I'd say that to Yakushi, Orochimaru is a father figure, a hero, even. But certainly not a _lover_."

Takeshi narrowed his eyes. "Why should I believe you?"

Ibiki slammed his clipboard down, causing the wilted flowers in a delicate vase on the right corner of his desk to shiver violently. "Because, contrary to your perception, I am not your enemy. I am offering you valuable intelligence in order for you to _break_that stupid boy and get our information so we can deal with him appropriately."

Takeshi scowled at Ibiki, wanting to mouth off at the man, but knowing better. Instead, he growled unintelligibly and spun quickly on his heel, exiting the room without another word.

* * *

A/N: Yes, I know it's been too long... I am so sorry for the wait. We do have more chappies coming soon, and since Midnight Anime Angel and I will be living near each other again and writing together will be easier to accomplish! Yay! in the meantime, look forward to seeing another chapter in the next week or so, or possibly longer...


	21. Desperate Times

_"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation."_ ~ Henry David Thoreau

* * *

Chapter 20: Desperate times...

Meanwhile, Kabuto was sitting in Shikamaru's living room, poking at some food half-heartedly. It might have been because it was instant ramen, but there was more to it than that. Kabuto could feel something darker stirring in the back of his consciousness. He felt anger and pain, ambition and dismay, cunning and hopelessness all tangling restlessly in the back of his mind - it was slowly driving him mad. And still he could show nothing on his face; he would not let anyone see the conflict roiling within his mind. Kabuto poked at the food again, longing to dash it to the floor and shout at it, to destroy something, or kill someone. Anything to release the tension, all the pent-up emotions within him.

Shikamaru walked back into the room for the fifth time in half an hour, watching Kabuto with a look of concern on his face. "You know, if you need to talk to someone..." he said awkwardly, "I'm not the best listener, but I'll do in a pinch."

Kabuto slowly raised his gaze from the instant ramen, biting back a sharp retort. "I'm fine," he hissed, knowing even as the words escaped his mouth that he didn't sound fine, he sounded angry... and he wasn't supposed to be capable of anger with all the drugs he was "taking."

Shikamaru frowned slightly, moving forward, grabbing a chair and dragging it in front of Kabuto, settling down in it and cupping his chin in his hands. "Well?" he said, "I'm listening."

Kabuto blinked at Shikamaru for a moment, longing to stuff the instant ramen up his nose. "Look, no offense, but... I'm not really comfortable sharing anything with you."

Shikamaru sighed, glancing down at his hands. "Kabuto. I know you think of me as an enemy, but... to be honest, I've come to think of you as a friend. Will you do me the honor of thinking likewise?"

Kabuto dropped his ramen, which hit the floor and fanned out, spattering Shikamaru's feet. His cool, dark eyes stared piercingly at the Konoha Chunin for a moment. "No," he said softly, his voice cutting nonetheless. "I won't."

Shikamaru flinched slightly as the ramen hit the floor, and his shoulders slumped at Kabuto's response. He lowered his gaze to the spilled food. "I'll clean that up," he said tiredly, rising and moving for the kitchen.

Kabuto watched him go, then sighed and hung his head, slouching forward and bracing himself by resting his forearms on his knees. He was sick of this place. Sick of these people. Sick of... (guilt?) Kabuto shook his head to rid it of the traitorous thought. Heaving another sigh, he moved his feet away from the mess of food, giving it a dirty look. He didn't care that he'd hurt Shikamaru. He didn't care that the Chunin was suspicious. He didn't care at all.

Not...one...bit.

* * *

Two weeks later, Kabuto was still in charge of the interrogations, rather than the other way around. Takeshi was at his wit's end. Not only had Kabuto grown more frustrating and obnoxious by the day, but all of the interrogations

officers knew of his failure to get the traitor to talk about anything of use. He couldn't even walk to Ibiki's office without someone sniggering behind his back. The council was breathing down his neck for information, but all he really knew was that Kabuto was a pathological liar.

He was beginning to grow desperate. He'd combed through every report several times. It seemed that Ibiki was convinced that there was something behind Kabuto's obsession with the Akatsuki. He vaguely recalled Ibiki saying something about Kabuto respecting Orochimaru and having some sort of deep-seated problem with the Akatsuki.

He wasn't sure he completely bought that, but then again, the Akatsuki were pretty messed up, and so he could understand most anyone having some sort of deep-seated problem with the secretive organization.

Suddenly, Takeshi recalled when he'd worked on the team to extract information from the dead body of Hidan. The team had been particularly fascinated in Hidan's many rituals, most of which had been documented in detail and several of which involved the bodies of young, live children. Kabuto had been a child among the Akatsuki, therefore, it was likely that he had probably been involved in a ritual or two at some point during his extended stay.

Takeshi also knew where several members of Hidan's elusive cult were located, as Konoha had contacted them to learn if Hidan was considered an anomaly among his religion or not.

Shockingly, Hidan was considered one of the more mild members of their brotherhood in terms of which rituals he regularly observed. After another fruitless session where Kabuto talked about the tattoo that was misspelled on the left butt cheek of Deidara and the fate of the tattoo parlor which had made the unfortunate mistake, Takeshi decided it was time to try something else. He obviously was unable to see the patterns in Kabuto's rambling like Ibiki was, however, he had other methods and it was time he used them. Yes, they involved physical encounters but he figured that the council was ready for results and they needen't concern themselves with his methods.

With that in mind, he contacted several members of Hidan's cult and asked them if they would be willing to perform an imbibing ritual involving a child. They quickly agreed. Once he learned what supplies they would need and the type of room they required, Takeshi got to work preparing for their arrival. It was about time he got that insufferable brat to open his mouth.

* * *

A/N:  
So yeah, it's been established that I'm a terrible person who can't update her way out of a wet paper bag. SO VERY SORRY to all the followers who have been hanging from a cliff, I hate to say it but it's not going to get any better... I'm just not organized enough to remember for very long.

also. hope to update soon. haven't written as much as expected. please forgive.

and yes, I've now officially sunk to the level of improper grammar in my author notes by deleting the subject. Perhaps it's a way of avoiding responsibility... anyway, please forgive.

...

Well, I'm really excited about the next few chapters, a hearty thanks to the new followers, a thousand apologies to old followers, and I hope a few of you stick around for the rest of this bumpy ride. :)

Stay tuned! :)


	22. Desperate Measures

_"A pint of sweat will save a gallon of blood"_ ~ Gen. George S. Patton

* * *

Chapter 21: ...Desperate Measures

Kabuto was surprised when Takeshi had some ANBU pick him up barely 24 hours after his previous interrogation session. Usually it took the interrogations officer a few days to mull over all of Kabuto's wild stories and decide they were completely worthless. Ibiki would have figured it out before Kabuto even had time to finish one of the tall tales, but as had been previously established, Takeshi was definitely not Ibiki.

As the ANBU walked him into the office, Kabuto was surprised to realize that they were heading down the same stairs he'd taken when Ibiki decided he needed some fun times with water and towels. He frowned slightly, trying to figure out if Takeshi was hoping the slick, slimy stairs were going to make him feel more likely to talk. Well, he might give them a few sanitation pointers, but otherwise…

They walked him down to a different room. It was large, rectangular in shape with damp corners and some mold growing across the cold grey walls. The ANBU walked him across the room to the center of the back wall, where they shackled his arms and legs spread eagle against the wall. Kabuto was unsure of what exactly was planned next. He didn't see any of the usual torture devices, though there were a few candles barely holding on to life despite the cool, dank air filling the room. Kabuto blinked, wondering if Ibiki was back in charge and planning something. He was anticipating the intellectual challenge that Ibiki would present and was almost ready to smile when Takeshi walked into the room.

Suddenly, a clound of gloom and boredom descended upon Kabuto's face. Takeshi did not miss the sudden change in countenance, but wasn't sure how to respond to a look of utter blandness when he faced his prisoner. "So, are you having me beta-test this prison to see if it's dank and dark enough to frighten young children or the weak of heart?" Kabuto prompted.

Takeshi just smirked, not responding. Kabuto frowned. That was unusual. Usually Takeshi took offense at the slightest comment and totally overreacted. This whole "smirk at him and continue to plot deviously" was more of an Ibiki method. Perhaps Takeshi had been taking lessons? Kabuto was sure that Ibiki would make an excellent tutor in this sort of thing. Of course, he himself was also a good tutor, but Takeshi hadn't been in the mood to take any notes.

The two ANBU that had brought him down took up positions at the door, which they slid shut, leaving just Kabuto and Takeshi in the room. Takeshi ignored the traitor, settling down on a bench at one end of the room and pulling out a notepad. He then reached into his pouch, retrieving a flask and a small fluted glass. He poured himself some liquid from the flask and saluted Kabuto with said glass. "I had this wine specially imported for this occasion," Takeshi said with a sinister sneer.

"I'm fine, thanks for offering," Kabuto quipped.

Takeshi rolled his eyes and sat back, appearing far too relaxed, like a cat toying with a mouse. He was finally in control of the situation, and he was enjoying every moment of it. Sipping lightly at the red wine in his glass, Takeshi felt a slight smile tug at the corner of his mouth. He was going to enjoy this very much.

Ten minutes later, the doors swung open with a light creak, and three cloaked figures entered the room. Takeshi glanced up slightly, gestured at them with his glass and said, "Whenever you're ready." The three figures turned and discussed something in a hushed tone for several minutes. Frowning, Takeshi sat up a little straighter. "What's wrong?" he demanded.

"You said it would be a child," one of the figures spoke up petulantly. "This is quite obviously a man."

"I need you to use a child ritual. He is not yet twenty years old, additionally, he is still considered a genin, and therefore not an adult." Takeshi said firmly.

The three figures conferred once again, the same figure spoke up, still sounding miffed. "We usually like them a bit younger."

Takeshi scowled, "Just get on with it. You're wasting my time."

The three figures spoke amongst each other for another thirty seconds or so, then pulled back their hoods to reveal intricately painted faces, their hair done up in snow-white peaks. Kabuto felt his blood run cold. "No," he whispered to himself, trying to convince himself that this was just another stupid nightmare. He hadn't had many recently, but he was used to this sort of thing. They would begin to approach and he would wake up in a cold sweat. Nothing more would happen here.

The three figures advanced, the first shedding his cloak completely as he moved forward. He drew out a small pouch, while another figure procured a bowl, and the third withdrew a pestle from the folds of his cloak. The first man withdrew six milky-white beads from the pouch and then returned it to wherever he'd had it stowed. He turned to his left, and accepted the bowl, dropping the beads one-by-one into the bowl. He then extended his right hand to the man on his other side, who handed him the pestle. He crushed the beads methodically, six times, then raised the bowl up to his eye level. The other two turned to the bowl and began chanting over it.

Kabuto felt his pulse quicken, and he tried to force down very unwelcome memories, but as the sounds of the chanting filled his ears he was drawn back into a past he'd been trying to escape for most of his life.

_Before him, Hidan chants over the bowl, grinning maniacally before once again crushing the beads six times, then raising the bowl back to eye level, chanting once again. In the corner of the room, Master Sasori stands silently; watching, calculating, and appreciating the nearly tangible fear rolling off the boy in waves, the puppet master allows a sneer to twist his features. _

_Hidan continues to alternate between crushing and chanting until he has completed the sixth chant. Kabuto knows what comes next but he wishes he didn't. Hidan leans forward, sharp teeth clacking together as he hisses a strange phrase into his ear before clapping a hand over Kabuto's mouth._

Kabuto jerked slightly against his restraints as the first figure clapped a hand over his mouth and thrust the bowl of finely ground powder under his nose. Kabuto knew he shouldn't inhale, that only terror and torment would follow his next breath, but the pounding of his heart sapped the oxygen from his lungs and they began to burn for lack of air. Unconsciously, Kabuto drew in a tiny breath, but it was enough to draw in a few particles. He felt his heart rate increase further, and his body responded by inhaling sharply. A high-pitched keening noise blared in his ears for a moment, sharp lights prickled behind his eyes, and raw unadulterated terror flooded his system mere moments after he drew breath. His logical mind told him that it was simply the psychoactive drug in his system, that the nasal passages were extremely effective for getting that drug to the brain, that this sudden terror was really just synapses being stimulated by an unusual substance. But it didn't help. He could rationalize but it didn't change the fact that his brain was terrified and the rest of his body's fight or flight instinct had already kicked in. Restrained as he was, he could neither fight nor fly.

The figure before him drew a ceremonial knife with practiced ease. He laid it gently against the center of Kabuto's collarbone, slowly drawing it downward, pausing at Kabuto's midriff. He then placed it at the tip of Kabuto's right shoulder, drawing it towards the center of Kabuto's chest, and then mirrored the action from Kabuto's left shoulder. With a flick of the knife, he discarded the shirt of the now heavily-panting prisoner before taking similar actions to remove the prisoner's shorts.

Finally, the first figure turned the knife on himself, knicking his thumb lightly and allowing the blood to bead before gently running his thumb from the middle of Kabuto's forehead down to his chin. He then pressed his thumb into Kabuto's right shoulder, making a small swirl with the finger before moving to the other shoulder and repeating the motion. Next, he pressed his thumb onto the center of Kabuto's collarbone and dragged his thumb down to Kabuto's midriff. Following that, he touched his thumb to Kabuto's right wrist and dragged it up to the inside of his right elbow, where he drew another swirl.

_Hidan chuckles to himself, drawing on his 'artistic' nature as he allows his blood to slip along the beads of sweat that have collected over the course of the past few minutes. Kabuto's chest heaves at a rapid pace and he closes his eyes, trying to block out the terror and anguish he feels. He knows what comes next. He doesn't want to know. From the corner, Master Sasori continues to watch, enjoying every moment._

After repeating the motion on Kabuto's other arm, the first figure nodded slightly. Stepping back, the first figure bowed to Kabuto and then continued backwards, retrieving his cloak and slipping it back on, chanting softly. The other two figures joined in, and they edged closer and closer to Kabuto, whose entire body was covered with a thin sheen of sweat. Reaching into their sleeves, they each retrived a small piece of chalk. The first walked straight forward and began scrawling runes above Kabuto's head. The other two began at opposite sides- one at Kabuto's right hand, the other at his left, chanting all the while.

Takeshi watched with interest, paying more attention to how the prisoner was responding to the current state of events. Kabuto's chest was heaving mightily, and his eyes were wide open, almost unseeing. His eyes were white-rimmed, his face almost as pale as his hair, and his whole body was trembling slightly. Takeshi smiled to himself. The boy was finally responding favorably to his methods. It was about time. As the rune-writing finished up and the figures returned the chalk to their robes, Takeshi sipped at his wine, watching with fascination. The aggravating boy seemed rightly terrified, Takeshi just hoped it would open Yakushi's mouth and get him talking about things he could pass on to the council.

The figures on either side of the first man removed their cloaks then. Stepping forward, each withdrew their own ceremonial knife with an elegance and grace belying what they were about to do. Starting at Kabuto's wrists, the two began carving runes into the young man's flesh, while the last figure withdrew a bronze bowl from somewhere within the folds of his cloak, using it to catch the drops of blood that fell from Kabuto's quivering form. Working inward from his arms, the two carved down his torso, and then started from his ankles moving up to his mid-thigh.

_Hidan ends the rune along Kabuto's arm with a flourish, lapping at the knife before turning to the next arm. Kabuto tries not to move, tries not to make the process any more painful or terrifying than it already is, but the drug running through his system has driven him nearly to the point of madness. His body quivers uncontrollably, quakes of terror gripping his spinal column and shaking him roughly. Hidan glances down at the trembling child of eight, licking his lips appreciatively. "Your blood," he hisses, catching crimson drops in the shallow bronze bowl, "I thirst for more." Kabuto feels a tear trail down his cheek, followed by another, and another, and he can't seem to make them stop._

_Grinning sadistically down at the now sobbing Kabuto, Hidan lifts the bowl to his lips…_

After finishing with the carving of the runes, the two figures shrugged their cloaks back on and turned to the center figure, who raised the bowl up to eye level, before turning to his left and handing the bowl to the figure there. The man on the left accepted the bowl, and took a deep draught of the thick, red liquid.

Grimacing slightly, Takeshi glanced down at his glass of red wine, and set it on the ground, wrinkling his nose and giving it a disturbed glance as though it was the wine's fault that he was no longer thirsty.

The three figures passed the bronze bowl of blood around until they had drained it of its contents. The figure in the center then turned around to face Takeshi. "Good sir," he said formally, "I know we informed you that there would only be two steps to this ritual. However, we were not aware that this child has already undergone such a ritual many times in the past."

Takeshi blinked in surprise. "What? He has?"

"Yes," the first figure intoned, as though this should be obvious.

"How can you tell?" Takeshi asked interestedly, scribbling away at his notepad.

"He has attempted to conceal the nature of his scars by layering shallow wounds over the original runes, but for ones as practiced as we, it was quite apparent that he is no stranger to our sacred rites." The figure explained.

Takeshi shook his head slowly. "I thought those were battle scars."

"Unlikely," the figure replied. "Most likely they were self-inflicted using a razor blade… or scalpel."

Takeshi scowled, "How does that change anything?"

"As he has already undergone the ritual, we are obligated to do him a further service by personally partaking of his blood without the mediation of a secondary vessel."

Kabuto's eyes widened, and a strangled sound escaped his throat. "No!" he hissed hoarsely, suddenly struggling against the restraints.

Takeshi narrowed his eyes at the frustrating prisoner. "If you must," he acquiesced, waving a hand dismissively in the direction of the others.

The first figure nodded and turned back to face the prisoner. All three men threw off their robes, violently dashing them to the floor and brandishing their ceremonial knives, chanting violently. With blood-curdling shrieks, all three of them slashed into Kabuto. The two on either side plunged their knives into the crook of his elbow, while the man in the middle slashed an 'X' in the center of Kabuto's chest.

_Hidan draws a second knife, brandishing one in either hand and staring down at Kabuto with crazed exhilaration before driving them solidly into Kabuto's outstretched arms, ripping the knives out to allow the blood to begin pouring out in earnest. A blood-stained grin possessing his features, Hidan bends down and wraps his mouth around one of Kabuto's arms, at the cut, and begins sucking. Digging his teeth into Kabuto's arm, the man gnaws lightly at the wound, encouraging blood flow before turning to the other arm, licking up the blood that has dribbled out of the wound before once again sealing his mouth over the bloody injury. A deep rumble of satisfaction sounds in his throat, and Kabuto tries to focus on the pain, just to shut out the feeling of terror at being a living meal for this monster._

"Oh god just stop, make him stop," Kabuto cried out, "please!"

The three figures exchanged confused glances. To which 'him' was the boy referring?

"Oh god, Master Sasori, please, make him stop!" Kabuto pleaded, eyes glazed over, chest heaving violently. "I promise I'll be good, I won't fight anymore. Just make him stop!"

Takeshi raised an eyebrow, intrigued by this new information. He quickly transcribed the exact words, and then took some notes on how Kabuto was responding.

"Please!" Kabuto screamed, causing the hair on Takeshi's arms to stand up.

After exchanging glances a second time, the three figures shrugged ever-so-slightly and continued, removing the knives from Kabuto's elbows. Swooping in together, the three begin to lap at the blood pooling along the deep cuts, humming lightly at the warmth and saltiness of freshly drawn blood.

Kabuto thrashed frantically against his restraints, and blood pulsed from his wounds and the runes carved across his body. "No… NO!" he screamed, still only half-aware of what was real and what was memory.

The blood-feeding seemed to draw out for an eternity, and Kabuto dimly felt tears pouring down his face as his heart thudded against his ribcage, feeding the monsters with every beat. Just when he thought he was going to go mad from the terror and pain of unwanted memories, the door to the interrogation chamber was thrown open, colliding violently with the wall.

* * *

A/N: Mwahaha! Who's come to rescue Kabuto? Or is it someone come to make his life more miserable? Oh dear, writing this part was fun but also terrible, it was a really creepy thing for Midnight Anime Angel and I to write. But fun. But awful. But exciting.

Anywho, the story really picks up steam from here. I can't wait. Thanks for reading, and stay tuned!


	23. Cannibal Religious Nutjobs

"_Memories are bullets. Some whiz by and only spook you. Others tear you open and leave you in pieces._" ~Richard Kadrey, _Kill the Dead_

* * *

Chapter 22: Cannibal Religious Nutjobs

Morino Ibiki was sitting at his desk, poring over paperwork and trying to enjoy a steaming cup of tea while reading the details on a particularly fascinating new method of torture that had been used to pry valuable information from an enemy shinobi. He was just finishing his tea when a knock sounded on the door.

"Enter," he called shortly, hoping it was someone he could order to refill his teacup so he wouldn't have to leave his desk.

An ANBU operative poked his head in the door. "I have the morning reports, sir."

Ibiki glanced at the sun, which was more than just high in the sky. "It's nearly sunset. I thought you said these were morning reports."

"I… had a bit of a delay in completing them," the ANBU explained sheepishly, "I had to escort the freaks down to Interrogation chamber number seven."

Ibiki frowned. "Freaks?" it was a rare occasion for an ANBU to sound disturbed by something he was discussing, but this was one of those occasions.

"Yeah. Some cannibal religious nutjobs," the ANBU said, shrugging. "Takeshi had them brought in."

Ibiki stiffened. "Takeshi? Why?"

"I think he was planning on having them help him with some sort of interrogation. Hence the, uh, Interrogation chamber number seven."

Ibiki scowled. "And you didn't inform me because…?"

"I was told you'd cleared the request," the ANBU answered, frowning. "Was I misinformed?"

"Which prisoner?" Ibiki demanded, already having a very good idea of exactly who Takeshi was entertaining with a bunch of "cannibal religious nutjobs".

"Uh, Yakushi, I think," the ANBU answered. Ibiki was out of there before the ANBU finished speaking. "Um… did you want me to refill you teacup?" The ANBU called after him, then shrugged, depositing the reports on Ibiki's desk before heading out again.

Ibiki stormed down the halls, quickly descending to the interrogation chambers level, skidding to a halt before chamber seven and throwing the door open. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but a blood-soaked prisoner with three demonic figures latched onto him was not one of the images he'd prepared himself for.

"TAKESHI!" he roared, storming into the room. "WHAT THE DEVIL IS HAPPENING IN HERE?!"

Takeshi jumped, dropping his notebook onto a glass of red liquid that splashed out across the floor, "I, I, I was just… I needed… he was… this isn't…"

Ibiki was not in the mood for excuses. "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!" he roared. "YOU HAVE ENDANGERED—"

"NOOOOOOOO!" Kabuto shrieked, and if Ibiki hadn't heard it with his own ears he never would have believed it was Yakushi making that terrified shriek. He sounded like a child: lost, alone, frightened, hurting, and tormented.

"What are they doing?" Ibiki hissed at Takeshi, already having a pretty good idea of the answer. Without waiting for Takeshi's reply, Ibiki marched across the room, clamped a hand down on the shoulder of the center figure, and flung him away from Kabuto. He then ground his fist into the kidneys of the man on his right, and then kicked the knee of the man on his left before kicking him again.

Muttering obscenities under his breath, Ibiki turned around to the two ANBU guarding the door. "GET THESE FREAKS OUT OF MY SIGHT!" he roared, pointing at the three figures. The ANBU darted forward, quickly dragging the three away. "AND YOU!" Ibiki continued, now shouting at Takeshi, "YOU GET OUT OF MY SIGHT TOO, OR SO HELP ME—" Takeshi fled before Ibiki had a chance to finish his threat.

Now it was just Ibiki, and an obviously distressed Kabuto. The boy was frantically struggling against his restraints, eyes screwed shut, tears pouring down his cheeks as he whimpered softly to himself. Ibiki reached up to release the first restraint, brushing up against Kabuto's arm as he did so.

The boy's eyes flew open, and he seemed more focused and aware than he had moments earlier. "Oh crap, not Ibiki," he whimpered, before his face screwed up in anger. "SO WHAT, DO YOU WANT TO DRINK MY BLOOD TOO?"

Ibiki didn't even dignify that question with an answer, instead releasing Kabuto's left hand. Kabuto's hand immediately clutched at Ibiki's neck, trying to force the Interrogations officer away, or at least strangle him. Ibiki choked slightly at the unexpected pressure, but remained cool and collected. "Kabuto," he grunted. "Calm down."

Kabuto was still shaking in terror. "You want to eat me, they all want to eat me, if they don't want to eat me they want to hurt me and laugh and laugh and watch and it's fun? Is it fun? It isn't fun for me, but that's not my fault, it's not my fault that hurting me is fun."

Ibiki was ready to strangle Takeshi, and not just because his neck was going to be bruised from this kid's iron grip. "Kabuto. It's fine. I'm not going to hurt you."

"I'm supposed to believe that?" Kabuto barked, sounding a bit less hysterical but with a decidedly insane edge to his tone.

"Do I look like I'm threatening you right now?" Ibiki replied.

Kabuto's eyes narrowed slightly. "I don't…"

"Sir? I believe he was drugged," an ANBU said as he re-entered the room after dragging out the three cannibal religious nutjobs. "It seemed to do something to spike his adrenaline levels. He's probably operating on pure fight-or-flight right now."

Ibiki nodded, and slowly reached up to release Kabuto's other arm. "If you want me to unlock your legs, you'll need to let go of my throat," he told Kabuto calmly.

The young man stared at him wide-eyed with terror for a long moment, then released Ibiki's neck. Ibiki knelt, still keeping half an eye on the kid to make sure he didn't try and hit him on the head or something, and quickly released the boy's legs, grimacing at the bloody runes swirling up the ankles and over the knees.

Kabuto stood numbly, feeling weak from blood loss and adrenaline. Ibiki stood next to him. "We need to get you to Konoha hospital."

Kabuto nodded, starting to take a step when the world turned fuzzy and then went black.

Ibiki caught the young boy as he collapsed. He scowled at the blood, which was staining one of his nicer work outfits. He turned to the ANBU. "Get ahold of the Hokage. Tell her I've got an urgent patient coming in."

The ANBU nodded once, and vanished.

Ibiki hefted Kabuto in his arms and headed for Konoha Hospital.

* * *

By the time Ibiki arrived, Tsunade was waiting outside with a thunderous look on her face. "THIS ISN'T YOUR CASE!" she roared.

"THAT'S WHY HE LOOKS LIKE THIS!" Ibiki yelled back, practically throwing Kabuto at the Godaime.

Tsunade was immediately all business, bustling Kabuto into the hospital and muttering angrily under her breath. "Stay here," she ordered, "I want a full report when I get back. This shouldn't take long."

"He's on some sort of drugs," Ibiki volunteered as she headed down the hallway.

Tsunade stopped dead in her tracks. "With the medication he's on? They gave him drugs?" her voice gave every indication that someone was about to get fired.

"Let me remind you that I just found him like this," Ibiki said. "I'll go interrogate a few people and figure out exactly what happened."

Tsunade scowled. "Well, since we have to deal with those drugs, it might take a bit longer than I originally anticipated, so as long as you're back here within the next hour, I won't have to send someone after you and drag you back here. That would be a complete waste of time."

Ibiki nodded, and headed off. He had an interrogation room with Takeshi's name written all over it.

An ANBU, who had witnessed the exchange, turned to Tsunade. "Wait, did he say 'interrogate' a few people?"

Tsunade shrugged. "This kid's more important than all of our interrogations officers. Ibiki won't damage his fellow officers…too much."

The ANBU nodded ever-so-slightly, and Tsunade moved on from the general ward to the intensive care unit of Konoha Hospital.

* * *

Ibiki burst into Takeshi's office, and extended a hand at him. "Hand them over," he said.

Takeshi frowned. "Wait, what?"

Ibiki continued to stare dispassionately at the Interrogations officer. "Your notes," he elaborated. "Hand them over. I need to know what happened to Yakushi and how he responded."

"You can't just barge in here and steal my notes! It's not your case!" Takeshi barked in frustration.

"It's not your case either, after the stunt you just pulled. So hand them over or I might just pin you to a wall and see how you like it."

Takeshi scowled, and then reluctantly handed over a notebook with purple stains on the edges of the pages. "It's not blood," he told Ibiki.

"I know what blood stains look like, you moron," Ibiki responded, taking the notebook and then whirling around. "Now, where are those cannibal religious nutjobs?"

Takeshi had no idea. Fortunately, Ibiki wan't asking him but the ANBU down the hall. "They were just leaving," he told Ibiki.

"Detain them!" Ibiki snarled. "I have some questions for them that they had better know the answers to."

The ANBU nodded and trotted off.

* * *

Shizune was poring over the blood sample taken from Yakushi Kabuto, attempting to discern what the properties of the psychoactive drug were so that she could counteract them and get his heart rate back down to a safe level without resorting to even more drugs.

Just then, the door to her lab swung open and Hatake Kakashi sauntered in. "Hey," he said, holding up a hand with a needle sticking into the back of his hand. "So, I brought a sample of this poison they're using in Grass…"

Shizune glanced up with irritation. "Did you have to get it _that_ way?"

"Well, I did wait until after I'd completed the other tasks in my mission so I could rush back," Kakashi said, sounding petulant. "Besides, the Godaime told me to get it using this supposedly tried-and-true method. I did have a medical team on standby should it have been too strong for me."

"I think she was drinking when she drew up those particular orders," Shizune said with a disgruntled look. "Let's get that sample and start treating you before kyou keel over on us."

Kakashi smirked. "Sounds like a plan," he said, settling down on a stool near Shizune and extending the hand with the needle still lodged in it.

Just then, a large group of doctors rushed past the door. Another group followed not much later, and some very frustrated shouting could be heard from down the hall. Kakashi recognized Tsunade's bellowing without much trouble. "So, the herd is on the move. What caused the stampede this time?" he prompted.

Shizune frowned. "Herd?"

"Of doctors," Kakashi explained with a pitying look. "You know they travel in herds to protect themselves from outsiders."

Shizune fixed a disgusted look on Kakashi. "I could just not develop an antidote for that poison, you know."

"But you will, because who else would go on a poison-collecting mission for you after I died from it?"

Shizune scowled. "Well, I guess—"

Kakashi interrupted again ."And who would be your partner-in-crime when you need a place to hide Tsunade's sake?"

Shizune scowled, pulling out a small syringe and a rubber strip. "Give me your arm," she said, and began the preparations to draw blood. "Make a fist."

Kakashi complied. "Seriously though, what's with all the action?" he asked as she drew the blood and started separating out the samples to analyze.

"Ah, some moron down in interrogations caused Yakushi some damage," Shizune said, proceeding to explain what had taken place.

Kakashi listened with interest as she continued running tests. "This is a fairly straightforward poison," Shizune said after a moment. "I'll have an antidote within the next half hour."

"Do I have to stay here until then?" Kakashi asked, sounding bored.

"Just stay in the hospital and I'll have some ANBU find you," Shizune replied.

* * *

A/N: So hey, guess who failed to update in a timely manner yet again...? Haha, whoops. Thanks to everyone who's stuck with this story so far, and I hope you continue to enjoy where the story goes from here. Stay tuned!


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